2 Yo Saying "Mommy, You No Say That to Me!"

She definately understands "no" and knows she is saying "no." But disrespect? No, she does not understand that concept.

She knows what she wants and when she wants it. I actually think it is really cute. I also have very verbal kids and the things they say are hysterical. Enjoy this phase and don't worry so much. If she says "no" or "don't say that' just tell her "I am the Mommy and this is what we are doing." And then jus tdo it.

No need to punish her. It is not backtalk, it is just being 2!! But she does need to do as she is told, even if she is screaming no the whole time. Focus on getting her to do as she is told and not so much on this issue of disrespect. And give her lots of choice when it doesn't matter so she feels a little more in control of her little world.

Kudos to you for having a verbal child who can express herself. That is a good thing, even in the body of a typical 2 year old.

LOL!!! Isn't it so cute though? My son would say that same thing to me at that age when I would tell him to do something. I just blew it off and didn't even react to it. They don't know what respect is at that age. They'll learn that as they get older. She's just letting you know that she doesn't like that you told her to stop doing whatever she was doing or to do whatever you told her to do. She'll eventually stop saying it. My son did. It stops quicker if you just ignore it. ;)

I cannot help but laugh at this. Your daughter is telling you what she thinks and what she wants. In her mind, she likley thinks that if she tells you not to say it, then it will not be so.

What I would tell my son is, "I understand that you do not like what I say and that is ok. However, you still need to do xyz" and then I would help him do to it.

I wanted to instill in my son that he may not always like what I say or agree with me and that was ok...however, he was still expected to do what he was told.

Sometimes I would also explore why he was in disagreement to see what his thought process was. Sometimes it was simply a misunderstanding that I could put to rest. "Why don't you want me to say xyz? Can you tell me what you don't like about it?" and so on.

Good luck and happy communications :)

Well, you can't ignore it...........you need to tell her that she does not talk to adults that way and especially Mommy......

Time outs at this age are fine as long as you don't make them too long.........better would be to take away something.......a favorite toy, or separate her a bit in her room.....to let her know that you will not tolerate her being disrespectful to you or anyone else.

My question is, where did she learn this phrase from? Who says this and has taught her this........I would also try to find some books about respect to read to her at her age.......or maybe a little older.....

Good Luck and take care, sounds like she is going to be a smart one and a fun one to raise.....

She telling you that she does want to do what you are asking her to right now. Have you tried different transition words or phases to help get her ready to do what needs to get done? Like "in 5 mins we will be cleaning up your toys" or sing a happy song for cleaning up and getting ready for bed and meals. Good Luck!
J.

Sometimes my son parrots certain things that we say and he is three years old. You can not ignore it or it will get worse. I would tell her that I am your mom and I will tell you no. If she starts to act up and tell you that again,take some toys away from her that she will like. My son decided the other day to pee on the bed. He looked at me while we were sitting on my bed and said,I pee on the bed mommy. When I called for his Dad to discuss it and for him to say sorry,he said no. He is fully potty trained. He did this deliberately. He was put in his bed and told to stay there. We had to change the sheets needless to say. We took some of his movies away from him and he was upset. When he was told to say sorry he would get his toys back in the morning he finally said sorry. Every child is different and you have to figure out what will hit home and have them understand what you saying and that you mean it.

She's two so this is completely normal. She's testing the boundaries! Good luck...I also have a strong-willed daughter (now 3). She's negotiating her lunch with me as we speak. ;) I would highly recommend two books that have been AWESOME for our household. Love and Logic, early childhood years and now I'm reading a book on Concious Discipline called There's got to be a Better Way which her preschool recommended. Both have been very helpful.

She is trying out her independence, and probably parroting something that she has heard.

When my youngest son went through this, I would ask him "Andrew, who is in charge?" and he would have to answer "you are" or "Mommy and Daddy" - and if he didn't answer it, I would just keep asking until he did. Then I would say "You are correct! I'm in charge, which is why I tell you to do or not do things". This was also my tact for him refusing to follow directions or telling me no. For him it worked like a charm. He is now 9 and I can't remember the last time I said it to him. Now my reminder is "did I hear you say yes, ma'am?"

She is not too young to understand what she is saying and what she means. I would definitley view this as a discipline issue. If you don't, it will get worse as she gets older. It doesn't have to be that way. I would make it clear to her that this is not an acceptible thing for her to say to me, and let her know what her consequences will be if she says it again. Then, be sure to follow through every time. She will learn very quickly that she must obey you. Otherwise, you will reap the negative consequences.

I haven't read all the other responses, but I don't think 2 is too young to learn respect, especially using an explanation + time-out for a verbally-advanced kid who will get more of the explanation from mom. (Valid point on correcting her in a a respectful tone, too, as they repeat and copy whatever we do, right?)

We started our talker on time-outs at around 1 year old when I realized that other types of punishment didn't work. Now, she listens to us when we tell her she's getting a time out and we FOLLOW THROUGH on the threat if she does not listen. If you don't teach them to behave at 2, it's only going to get more difficult as they get bigger and smarter!

Well, her sentence structure is awesome for 2 yrs old! Testing and pushing boundaries - it's what they do! Some phases are harder to get through without gritting your teeth and pulling your hair out. My son at that age went though a stage where I would tell him what to do, and he begin repeating back everything I said like he was a little parrot- it was such a fun game for him! It was really starting to bug me. So when he started up the game, I'd start saying "Mommy's always right!" in a sing song voice and he'd HAVE to repeat me and it ended up being kind of fun for both of us.
When your daughter starts in with her game, if you've got some time, start to tickle her and tell her you HAVE to say that to HER because YOUR Mom said it to YOU, and now she's your daughter and YOU have to say it to HER, and when she grows up, gets married and has a baby of her own SHE can say it to HER child and then her baby can grow up and say it to HER baby! And if you can keep up the tickle game, and keep it light (with lots of giggles) - well, it's not so much a discipline thing as it is a chance to play and maybe communicate a bit eventually. Have fun with it!

Although I'm sure she sounds adorable saying it, you can't ignore it. I don't think time out is too hard of a concept that that age. After she has served her time (1 min for each year) you just explain to her why she was in time out. She needs to tell Mommy sorry then hugs & kisses.

My son (22 months) has just started doing the same thing. He sometimes says "mommy, don't say that" or "mommy, I'm doing something" when I ask him to do something or tell him that I'm going to do something he doesn't want (i.e. bring him inside after playing in the yard). Oh, I'm in trouble. I'm so amused by how well he is talking that it's hard not to break a smile. Sometimes we are able to just talk with him and he responds well, but we've recently started time outs for when he escalates. We do,1-2 minutes in the crib, with a timer going off at the end and then a short discussion about why he is in there.

My daughter is also going through this. When she wants to do something she knows she is not supposed to, she will look right at me, tell me "You stay, ok? Stay." Then I follow her to where ever she is. Usually it is something she should not be doing. I do correct her verbally, it does take time for her to "get it". Last night, she got up at 12 and turned on the TV. I told her she had to get back to bed and she told me "I'm watching a movie". My others also tried this and other things and it took time but they stopped telling me or doing. Of course, like all kids, they still try to push the envelope.

Ha! My son 2 1/2 says " You no tell me no again...ok mom". I usually tell him "I will tell you no but you can (or cant) do what your doing". He is pretty young and is really just learing so were not as strict on this one as when he says "shut up". its on tv a lot and on kids programs too!!! I think shrek even has it in that movie! Grrr. We sit him in time out if he tells one of us to shut up. but the you no say that to me...i keep responding in the same way. oh i will tell you that. this way she understands your incharge and she cant tell you what to do. if it gets out of hand set her in time out and explain why she cant do that. good luck.

Children are so often misunderstood because they are so limited in the ways they can express themselves. She might be objecting to how you are saying it rather than what you are saying. We speak so sweetly to the child who does not walk yet. We see the 1 y/o as pure and innocent. But, by the time they are 2, they begin to hear frustration in our voice, parents often become more demanding in their speech. Once the 'terrible twos' behavior begins, we begin to doubt the purity of their intentions. They are met with resistance from us at every turn with phrases like "Stop that" or "Leave that alone". We also begin to expect that they take on responsibilities now that they can walk and talk and we can actually ask them to do things. They were quite used to having everything done for them. Your daughter is just letting you know she is not comfortable with the way things are changing.

The most helpful thing to remember is 'Keep It Simple'. Rather than trying to explain your authority in a way she can understand it, simply use your authority in gentle, loving, encouraging, and simple ways. You might be surprised with how differently she will respond if you alter you language.

For example. You have asked your child to do something. First, consider the language with which you have presented your request. If we want our children to learn courtesy, we must speak it to them. So often we catch ourselves just saying, "Honey, pick up your toys" or "Don't whine". Learning to ask children to use their virtues instead of commanding them to 'do this' or 'don't do that' is the best way to discourage the resistance. If she says something rudely, rather than shaming her or using arbitrary punishments such as time out, you can say something like, I need you to say that respectfully so I can help you. When a child that age is screaming and will not listen, it usually works to take her face gently in your hands so she is looking at you and say, "I can't hear what you are wanting to say when you scream and cry like that. I need you to use your gentle words so my ears can hear them." If a child that age gave me the "No say that" line, I might respond by saying, "I need you to use your helpfulness to pick up your toys, can you teach me how you want me to say that to you?" I would not try to explain the philosophy of parental authority to a 2 y/o. I would simply demonstrate it.

At age 2 it is also good to give choices by offering only 2 options. "If you pick up your toys when you are finished playing, then you may play with them any time you wish. If I have to pick up your toys, then I will put them where you cannot get them and you can only play with them when I have time to pick them back up. As kids grow up and take care of their own toys, they get to have their toys when they want them. It is completely up to you, you are a big girl and you get to choose if I control your toys or if you control your toys."

Two y/os do not grasp the concept of future. 'Now' is all that exists to them. So, you may experience that she wants to have that control one day and does not want to have that control another day. It is okay to allow her to waffle on these choices at this age. She is just exercising the power of making choices. Just stay consistent with the options and allow her to go back and forth without shaming her for the choice she is making. You have given her 2 viable options. No matter what she chooses you can say, "Good choice. Now I know what to do." However, when she chooses to pick up her own toys, you can add, "That was a mature choice. I see you growing up and using your responsibility."

I work with a lot of children and am constantly recommending the book "The Family Virtues Guide" by Linda K Popov. She teaches you how to companion your child, to recognize and encourage virtue with the language you use with them, to draw clear boundaries, and to use the logic of reasonable outcomes instead of using arbitrary and shaming punishments. It is the most powerful and helpful book I found as a mother, as a teacher, and as a therapist. Our whole family, including my 24 y/o son are so glad I found this book when he was young!

It's never to early to start discipline or teach them to respect you. My 2 year is put in time and when she get out I ask her why she was there. She tells me cause she was talking mean to mommy. I say if she is smart enough to say that she is smart enough to learn not to talk to you like that.