2 Year Old Girl Screaming Incessantly, How to Discipline?

I was at a bookfair one time and a very simple book caught my attention, "Train up a Child" by Michael and Debbie Pearl. Great wisdom in that simple little book. Short read but very powerful if you follow instructions.

OK i have no advise i only want to let you know you are not alone. I am also 24 i also have a 2 year old (Tyler) and i have just had my daughter (Isabella) in Dec. ALSO been married 3 years in DEC. a little weird BUT anyways! My son is doing the SAME THING along with constant wine's i almost feel like i am yelling at him all day. He still gets the same amount of attention because Isabella sleeps most of the time and he is very very sweet to her we almost always play with her together he is always involved but he is still different i am going to tell you to chaulk it up to 2 years old. LETS HOPE it a fase! Im sorry i have no more advise for you but i am trying everything you are also! i guess we just have to keep it up!

I'm sure it has to do with the new baby. Don't discipline her for it. She's trying to tell you something. You can't always drop what you're doing to figure out what the problem is, so tell her, "Mommy can't talk to you right now until you use your big girl voice." How is her vocabulary? Can you normally figure out what she wants? Can she tell you what's wrong or what she wants? The best way to handle it is see if you can first figure out what the problem is (hungry, tired, jealous) and then help her remember the words she needs to ask for it. Refuse to listen to her until she stops screaming. You have to be consistent and try to be very understanding. Try not to get mad or frustrated (I know, impossible, right) but it will stop if you are consistent. Her whole world has changed. Some kids don't react right away to a new sibling. Some kids realize after the first month that hey, this kid is here to stay and I have to share my mommy! So try to be understanding to her, but don't listen to her if she screams.

This is not a discipline issue. She's not being bad. She's being normal. A couple of things going on here. (1)At her age she is learning to talk and is frustrated because she can't communicate well. Encourage her to "use your words" instead of screaming. Help her speak. Ask her yes and no questions. Give her either/or choices. But explain to her that you don't understand screaming and can't help her unless she talks to you. (2)It is difficult to move from parent center of the universe to sharing time with a sibling. Encourage her to be your big sister helper. Have her fetch diapers, bottles, etc. and make a big deal about what a big girl she is. Talk to her about what she was like when she was a baby but now she's a big girl. Reward her when she is good with her little brother. Have your husband take turns with you paying attention to her. She needs attention and is too young to understand otherwise. When she's screaming, redirect her to another more interesting activity. Good luck.

Hi E.,

Sometimes kids get upset after they have eaten sugar foods with color dyes. Mine second oldest used to do this and it took me a while to see a pattern. We took him off sugar and added fish and/or flax oil to his diet and have seen a complete turn around. It's amazing. It was so amazing that I wrote a book to help people get started eating healthy and learning how foods were affecting them. It's called Shopper's Guide to Healthy Living. It is written for the busy mom and takes only four hours to read the whole thing. It has phases to get you started and product suggestions to save you time and money.
Good luck! K. Loidolt ____@____.com

This is something that I've noticed with my own screamer :) : If I don't take the time to play with her (i.e. get away from the computer and play pretend, read a story, go for a walk, etc.), she begins to act out. For a long time I thought I had a temperamental child -- but really I have a child who likes some one-on-one time with her mommy. Perhaps all of this screaming and carrying on is her way of saying, "I need some mommy and me time!" And because you just had another baby, that one-on-one time is going to become even more precious. Try setting aside some time to play with your daughter every day -- and hopefully the screaming and acting out will settle down. If not, then there could be a more serious problem...

I have a nearly 2-year-old daughter as well, who does essentially the same thing(must be a cranky girl thing lol). But having three older children has taught me well. I love the books called Parenting with Love and Logic and frequently look to the book for support. What I do is put my daughter into her room (on the way singing "uh oh, little bit of room time coming up here, this is so sad. Have a little fit, see you when you're sweet!"). So basically your child then has the decision to act properly and come out with a smile on their face, or continue the fit where you don't have to deal with it. My daughter has a habit of coming out before she is happy and with that, I put her back into her room repeating the same thing. When she comes out again, I ask "where is that beautiful smile?" Smile means hugs and kisses, screaming means more room time. Let me know how it works for you, if you try it...

Hi E., There is help, and you will be glad for it. Go to nogreaterjoy.org website. Order the $5.00 book To Train Up A Child. This book will help you learn how to discipline your daughter so she will become a happy and contented child.

I would look at what else she is doing when she is screaming. Does she look distressed, is she crying, does she look like she's having fun or 'pushing your buttons'? Or is she screaming but otherwise looking normal. Kids scream for a lot of reasons at this age. Let her know that screaming is ok in her room, and then put her there when she screams (not a time out, just there for the screaming). If she looks/acts like she is in distress or really upset, still try to soothe her and figure out what is wrong, but it sounds more like an attention getting thing.
Maybe buy yourself a pair of earplugs until she grows out of it :)
good luck!

My son is almost two and does the same thing, it started when he was a little over one. I've found that putting him in his room and telling him that he can come out when he's ready to be nice has worked really well. He doesn't do it for nearly as long or often as he used to. He once did it for three hours but now it's rare for it to take even an hour and usually only take about 10-15 minutes. He does it the most right after waking up in the morning or from a nap so I really try to help him wake up slowly also.

It's really hard to listen to your child throw such a fit for so long, I know that you want to do something to make it better but every time you change what you're doing just makes the tantrum last longer. I always start off by telling my son that if he can calm down and help me understand what he wants that I'd be happy to help him, as long as it's reasonable, and then I give him a hug and tell him that he has till the count of three to decide if he wants to calm down or go to his room. Sometimes he calms down and sometimes he goes to his room but he knows that it's HIS choice. (I started the counting to three thing when he was one with little things and once I knew that he understood it well I started using it a lot more and it works great.)

I hope this helps, my heart goes out to you, I know how hard this can be.

E., I hate to tell you but this is normal behavior for a two year old. Actually with my daughter & son the behavior got worse at 3years. What helped for me is the naughty stair, ignoring the freak outs & sometimes just giving mommy a time out by locking myself in my bedroom for 10 minutes. (I have now, 4 yo twin boys & a 2.5 yo daughter.) Fortunately my boys have mostly grown out of it & my daughter is in the midst of it. If you keep giving your daughter the attention she is seeking during these freak outs she will keep on doing it. Good luck!
N.

E. - hang in there!!!! "This too shall pass, this too shall pass", that was my mantra during that phase in my kids' lives!! You really are doing great and reaching out for support. Just remember if something doesn't work the first 2 times, it may take more than that for anything to work. Another great book is the 5 Love Languages for Kids - it helps you to learn your child's method of showing and receiving love, because if it's not quality time, you spending that time with her won't "speak" to her in the way your trying to!

Have you tried just stopping and holding her - whispering you love her and telling her to be calm, that she is safe?

It may sound silly, but when I tried this with my daughter in a short time the negative behavior stopped. It took taking the time to stop - even in the middle of the grocery store and give her five minutes or less of physical touch and verbal insurance. This was also my oldest daughter after her sister was born.

Good luck!
Nancy

Sounds like you have done everything great! I would say maybe ask her why she is crying if she can articulate. If she is just getting upset over little things (which girls start on really young), then tell her you will be happy to help her out if she calms down. Both of my kids can do this still on occassion and I put them in a room where I can shut the door and tell them they can come out when they have calmed down. When they get super frustrated over something little after they calmed down I point out how easy it was to solve if they would have just asked for help or taken the time to calm down first. She is expressing frustration and for moms it is super tough sometimes to see what is frustrating kids so much. It could be overly tired, not enough water or needing a snack too. I know that is when my kids are super sensitive.
For my son I will take whatever toy is making him that angry until he calms down. He fell apart the other day because he built something with legos and it fell apart, he flipped out! I told him to walk away from the legos until he was settled down. Once he did I explained legos weren't meant to stay together forever and helped him build it more sturdy. He looked so relieved there was a solution to his problem. When my kids come to me whining on on the verge of a fit, I tell them to please take a deep breathe because I cannot help them if they are screaming or crying.
It takes patience, repetition in your words, giving her words to express herself and lot's of consistency.
Good luck!!! :)

If you're trying to help her feel included with taking care of the baby and she's not struggling with jealousy, try spanking.

Hi E., I have a 24 year old daughter who has a 2 year old. When he visits and starts his whining, or screaming, if the weather isn't bad, I open the door and put him on the back porch and tell him when he stops that behavior, he can come in. If it is too cold outside, I put him in the guest bathroom and tell him the same. It works good for me.

Hope that helps you...

~C.~

E. sounds like this is her personality. She is probably a expressive personality she probably is expressing her snese of control over the new baby and wanting attention. Many time an expressive only will repsond to the same level of tone. I have two espressive children many time I have topop to their level to get their attention. They are teens. As parents we have remember that each child is different and neeeds are different so is disipline. If you don't handle the attenition she find another way. Usually as teens they go to drugs to get attention or do something that says hey look at me. Try really apying attention to the positive attributes she has I really put ont he act of how neat or dear it is. Make it big. You will probably notice a difference when you play out just as hard as she does with attntion you give. In other words be expressive yourself. My guess is that your an antilitical thinker and trying to figure it out. She only wnats you to be a clown and act funny. Try next time she acts out do something out of your normal slef, I bet she repsonds with amazement. love mamajoy!

How does your 2 year old interact with the baby? It sounds like you are doing everything right even though it may not seem like it. I have an 8 year old daughter, a 6 year old son and a 7 month old daughter. I would say that the best thing is a schedule and patterns. Find something that works the best for you and the kids. Whether it is nap time or discipline and just make sure it is consistent. With a new baby she probably feels like her world is upside down and just needs to know that things are still going to go forward and eventually she will understand. I hope this helps.

wow sounds like you have your hands full. I just advised my daughter on this same subject, It early stages of terrible two's which will challange you for at least a year. First I am sure that your little girl has all her teeth? if so is something else hurting, watch to see if she is favoring anything with her hand, like holding her head ect. If no other sign, I would find something that she really likes such as a favorite toy or favorite educational program that she like to watch. When she becomes involved in one of those thing then praise her on how good she is being and give her positive reinforcement. There is one more thing I thought of I don't know how new the baby is, but she might be acting like the little sibling. Meaning when the little sibling cries mom runs to stop baby crying. I know it takes patience but have her hand you a diaper,powder, pick out an outfit basically when allow her to be involved and a big help. teaching her that she growing up and being a big girl. Praise is the best thing in life, it never goes away even as we get older. Good luck and have patience.

Hello, E.,

I've read a lot of the responses and I also agree with those who have said that they believe it is developmental. I have 5 children, the youngest is 15 months, and we had similar issues with them all. I believe with my children it was mostly frustration with not being able to communicate with me. Not getting as much attention, from me, could also have been difficult. With ours, we found that if we spoke very quietly and closely to them, looking them in the eyes, with our arms around them and said, "I cannot understand what you need when you scream. Take a breath and please use your words so I can help you." I would model what I needed them to do and then listen carefully as they responded. If they needed another reminder at a later time I would simply say "Use your words." Very calmly and I would look them in the eyes very closely- they knew I was really listening when I did. It has seemed to work with our family. I know that everyone is so different. You are doing better than you think. Just remember that her screaming is not personal, and that you are doing a great job. Being frustrated with the situation for you is also very normal.:) Just remember to try to keep from getting upset about it. It truly is manageable, and will probably stop as she matures.

Best wishes,
H.