Looking for moms advice on a light at the end of the tunnel or on how to relax now that we have two kids.
My two kids are 2 years and 2 days apart. And the baby is 2 months old today, so i knew that my oldest would have really terrible two's. But after 2 months of being home from work and sleep deprevation, i am so frustrated. I can't tell if my oldest son's lack of impulse control is normal or something we will be dealing with as full blown behavioral problems.
My oldest will tear pages out of books, spill his food, throw food on the floor, run away from the nanny, draw on the walls, throw toys. Time outs don't work, it actually seems that talking about the bad behavior upsets him more. He feels guilty and stressed (he never has these episodes out of anger) but can't seem to keep himself from doing these bad things. It almost seems compulsive and like he can't stop himself.
Help! I don't know how to help him boost his confidence and help him to control his impulses. He is a sweet and gentle kid who is very very active.
Terrible twos plus new baby equal a little boy looking
for attention even if it is negative. Try and spend
some special time with him and when he is good, tell him.
You may want to try the book, "1-2-3 Magic", as it was recommended to me after my second born arrived (I have 2 boys, too). My eldest is 4 years older than my little one, but there is no reason that the ideas wouldn't work with a 2 year old, since I began using it with my 3 year old last year when he started to act up. It is a way of taking control of his behavior in a reasonable, enlightened way. Your little guy doesn't have the words or cognition to express his feelings constructively about all the changes that have occurred in your household by a new baby suddenly "appearing." You'll get through this. And spending a nice chunk of time with him alone more days than not (reading with him on your lap, watching a television show together ("Harold and the Purple Crayon" is a great one for a toddler if you have cable on demand), and maybe going out for a walk or some fresh air at the park are just a few ideas. I know how exhausted you are, that is the biggest challenge here, and partly what is making you feel as though everything is going to hell in a handbasket! If possible, you should schedule this time with your guy, as well as scheduling naps - easier said than done, but possible. Good luck!
Two things came to mind... Maybe he isnt well rested and is very over tired. The other ideas is that he is very jealous and wants more attention. My daughter just turned 2 in Sept and does not do any of those behaviors. She is an only child and doesnt have to share my attention. When I pick up her cousin up, she gets very jealous. I think she would have a hard time dealing with a sibling. She is not perfectly behaved but she rarely acts out that badly. I am not telling you this to boast but I thought you should know that it may not be normal. I hope things get easier. Taking care of 2 young children and working has to be really tough.
ps. you and Alexandra M. are having the same problem you two should talk.
Spend alone time with him. Let him relax, no pressure, maybe an indoor gym or a park. Just let him be a kid and laugh and love him. Make it his favorite day. Tell him u love him and hope u can have more special time together. And one day when baby grows up, he can teach him how to jump, play...etc.
Tell him u understand if he's mad u hold the baby and not. Him...etc. Its ok to be angry. And show him acceptable ways of telling u he's angry (squeeze a special handball, color it, whatever u come up with) and then u will be there for him. He's testing boundaries with bad behavior but don't punish now, or he will seek negative attention and act out more. Don't let negative attention be his fallback way of getting special time alone w you. Hire someone to watch baby and be witr your 2 yo. It will all change within a few months! Good luck!
I think this is totally normal behavior. My 2nd was born when my 1st was 20 months old & my 3rd was born when my 2nd was 23 months old. As exhausting as it is, you just have to be consistent with time outs and show that you're still the boss. The structure of "bad behavior is punished" is important for them. If you have to hold him in timeout, then so be it. We had bedtime issues with ours, and had to take them back to bed 100+ times for a couple of nights. It shows them that you still care about them. Maybe some time out with just you and the oldest would make him feel special? I tried to read stories while nursing or having the other nearby so that everyone felt attended to.
I felt like the baby "woke up" around 2 months old and needed more of my time and that's when the older one(s) would act out - for my attention (good or bad - usually bad).
Hang in there and be consistent. It's not easy at all. Probably the hardest time. I found that with each milestone it got a little easier (sitting up, rolling over, etc).
Angi (mom of 2 boys (4 & almost 3) and a girl (1)).
I have a 2.5 year old who can throw some MAJOR tantrums and at times it felt like all we were doing was "fighting". I am learning that lots of positive attention, some ignoring of the "bad" behaviors and just lots of hugs and kisses is helping. I've stopped worrying so much about "disciplining" and just try to focus on guidance and love. Seems to help! So far - this week anyway - LOL!
