I'm a firm believer in "healthy sleep habits happy child" and it worked beautifully for us. My 3 year old is an angel about sleeping. My daughter, who's just 2, is a ROTTEN sleeper. Always has been. She's particularly terrible about bedtime. It takes her up to 3 hours to finally go to sleep. Cry it out is acceptable to me and it worked with my son, but does not work with my daughter. She does not calm down and she does not learn from it like our son did. She's in a twin bed (mattress on the floor). She unplugs everything in her room, she throws herself at the door, shrieks and calls for us. If I let her cry, I have to go in before I go to bed, and pick her up off the floor, she screams while looking out under the crack of her door, and then sometimes passes out there. When we try something new, we try it for a week to 10 days to see if it works. Recently, we tried moving bedtime from 6:45 to 7:30, over the course of 2 weeks. With no luck.
There's one thing that works: Daddy sitting with her until she goes to sleep. It still takes her an hour to go to sleep. But when he's not home, I'm at a loss. She doesn't wind down for me at all. And I really do not have the patience for her bedtime antics. I do the Nanny911 "don't talk, put her back in bed" technique, 500 times for 3 hours, night after night. I have tried to be matter-of-fact and tell her it's bedtime. I have tried yelling (I know, great parenting right there), I take her lovey away. Nothing actually works and I'm desperate. She's so tired. And I'm obviously doing something wrong.
Oh - to answer a question, yes, she naps at 12:30 p.m. usually 2-2.5 hours.
Thanks for all the feedback! I appreciate the ideas and the criticisms. We are going to try out adding a few more pieces to bedtime routine, shortening her nap, being more consistent with the things we try, and moving her bedtime back to 7pm. Not all at once. Tonight we added a bath. She still didn't go to sleep until 8:30, but we managed to minimize the crying. I won't take away her lovey again, I think there's a consensus about that! And there are 3 things in her room: bed, rocking chair, and dresser. No toys in our kids rooms at all. Thanks again!
I would try telling her she can sit in her bed and look at books, listen to
music. She does not have to go to sleep. Leave the light on. Maybe
she will just lay down when she is ready. Worth a try. Good luck.
Hi There,
You never said what happens when you do the Nanny 911 thing... does she eventually fall asleep on her own, or do you end up cuddling her or letting her get her way after 3 hours... she will drag it on as long as needed if she knows she will get her way in the end. We have always had a very consistant bedtime routine with books, cuddles and lights out...
I think the best bet for you would be to stick to one thing and don't turn back... mean business and stick to it. Do stories, cuddles, then lights out. Close the door and that is the end of it. Let her cry, throw herself at the door, whatever, but don't give her the attention she wants. Also, don't get exacperated and turn to something new.... she knows that with her antics, you will change it up and then she can come up with new excuses. Once a routine is set in stone and you stick with it, she will give up. Good Luck!
try cutting down her nap, take it down to like an hour and see if that helps. is the room dark enough? have you tried music? i have 3 children 4 and under that all share a room and bedtime is tough, it is like a pajama party every night. if they act up, then i put them in time out for 10 minutes in a dreary place--the stairs, the kitchen--somewhere where there are no toys and no one to talk to. it eventually works. she might be too young for the time out thing but it might be worth a try. also try taking something away and remove all toys from the bedroom. good luck.
I think it's always a bad idea for a parent to stay with a child til they fall asleep. Bad habit, they are dependent, they are not putting themselves to sleep and when it takes that long of a time, it's a manipulation.
I would not take away her lovey, but I would take pretty much everything out of her room. If she gets out of bed, she gets out - don't pay attention, don't put her back. If she passes out on the floor, leave her there, let her sleep there.
Don't check on her, don't be where she can peek under the door at you. Ignore her.
I feel really bad for you and for your child. First of all, I think something is really wrong, what you describe is not normal. I think you need to therefore take a step ahead and try the following things.
1. I think her midday nap is too long. I know you probably love the downtime, but wake her up for the next two weeks after 1.5 hours and see if it makes any difference at bedtime.
2. Does she get enough exercise during the afternoon? Just buying one of these indoor little bouncer trampolines can do the trick sometimes, start inventing games around it like "lets count your jumps" and "who can jump the longest" and so on, something that keeps it fun and can be incorporated regularly into your afternoon routine.
3. What does she eat for dinner? Could she be having food allergies or sensivities that are hard for her body to digest and thus keep her awake? Is she getting too much sugar? Also, via eliminiation diet, look at milk and gluten (in wheat).
4. Maybe this is all just caused by her body not producing enough melatonin and this keeps her awake. Consider trying 1mg of Melatonin (buy it a whole Foods or Vitamine Shoppe) one hour before bedtime for two weeks and see if it helps her fall asleep easier.
5. Create some soothing experience when she is already in bed, for example buy one of these kids tape recorders and some very soothing tapes with a bedtime story or soothing music. This could keep her in bed and help her calm down in bed.
Good luck, I really feel for you!
A.
If she's having trouble sleeping on her own, why on earth would you take her lovey away? Unfortunately I have no advice for you that you would like. I know this because I am not a CIO kind of person nor am I a keeping putting them back in their bed kind of person and not talk to them. I'd rather cuddle with my child. I was just curious why you would think taking her lovey away would help the situation. I know you see it as a punishment because she isn't doing what you want her to. I guess I don't get too why your husband can sit with her for an hour but you don't when he isn't there. Also, why is she still napping so long? Perhaps she is getting TOO much sleep during the day. I know the more my 2 1/2 year old naps or the later he naps, the later he goes to sleep at night. Perhaps trying to wake her up earlier from her naps would help her to be more tired at the time you'd like her to go to bed. I also think her bedtime at 6 something is definitely too early. I wouldn't do any earlier than 7:30 but then again, mine go to bed between 8 and 8:30 and that is WITHOUT a 2 - 2 1/2 nap during the day.
Try as much as possible to not let her take a nap during the day or at least make it shorter. If my son takes a nap during the day he's usually not sleepy until 10 p.m but if he doesn't take a nap he'll go to bed without any fighting at 8 p.m. I think 7:30 might be too early especially if she's napping during the day. Also make sure that she has had a chance during the day to release some energy. Maybe take her to the playground a 2 hours before bed. That should tire her out
Hello M.,
It sounds like you're trying hard, and using the correct techniques. I also love the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I'm a parent coach and that is one of the books I tell all my parents to purchase & I buy it for all the expecting Mom's I know.
The techniques you are using, "Don't talk & put back to bed", staying in the room and so forth are all the same I would recommend. I would also recommend putting her to bed at 6:30 or 6:00, as you probably know from the book, the more tired your child is, the harder it is to get them to sleep. Also, toddler's sleep needs change often.
Also, try to set a bedtime routine with special one on one time. Maybe the two of you could talk about the day & what you are doing tomorrow. Something special.
Lastly, your husband's/ partner's technique of staying in the room is great, I used a similar technique for a child and it worked. I would take it a step further & add elimination to this. Stay in the room until she falls asleep for a week then gradually leave before she is asleep until you can leave the room while she is fully awake.
I have a feeling she throws a fit either due to being scared about falling asleep or missing you/needing time with you/Dad. I know it's hard to keep these techniques up, especially when you have other children, but keep it up. It takes a while for kids to cooperate, but consistence is the key.
Sincerely,
R. Magby
You need to pick one way of handling this bedtime and stick with it. Every time she gets out of her bed put her back and no talking to her. Even if she throws up. Clean her up with out a word and put her back in bed.
Here is what I also like to remind parents...
Your child needs lots of active play. . Mid morning, she needs at LEAST 1 hour to 1 1/2 hours is best of really active running, screaming, climbing, riding bikes, swinging, swimming,hopping jumping. This active play makes a huge difference. Then bring her inside or home and have a quiet lunch, (no tv or cell phone calls) a warm face and hand rub with a wash cloth and quiet time in her room with music, or sound machine. Since it is still so bright, you may need to get some black out curtains. ( I used to hang quilts) In the summer I turn down the air conditioner.
After nap, maybe some watered down juice and then some quiet play and then active play again, she really needs to be able to just run. We used to gather as a neighborhood with some cold drinks and just let our kids run and play for as long as possible.. We would tell them, "run like the wind... Run some more, how fast can you run.. Jump, jump higher." Then in for dinner, a quiet bath and then pop them into bed.. It was awesome..
For a night time routine. Have a quiet dinner, no TV ,No cell phones.
Place child in a warm tub, with very little quiet play. Then you wash your child use strong massaging like rubs with the baby wash cloth. Make sure it looks dark in the hallway again no TV or cell phone sounds. Carry your child into a slightly darkened bedroom (remember black out curtains)with soft music or a sound machine. Dry your child with strong rubs to dry her off again like a massage. Place in her in her pajamas. Using a softer voice read her a story. We used to read 2 or 3 books and as we read each book, we would read slower and slower. Turn out the lights and leave.
Do this EVERY night.. Even on the weekends.. It is worth it to stay on this schedule.
I am sending you strength, patience and a good nights sleep.
I feel your pain and had the same thing happen last year with my 2 year old. Eventually, I took away her nap and just has quiet time (with books in her room) she was so exhausted by 6:30 that she went to sleep. But part of the problem I had was that we went through the same process during naptime so I just couldn't do it twice a day.
Couple of ideas - take them for what they are worth:
1. One of the things that Weisbluth says is that the bedtime process is less important and can be changed for what you need it to be. But just make it consistent, every night. So even though she will go to sleep if her dad sits with her, maybe better to not do that so that her bedtime process is consistent every night if he can't be there all the time?
2. Any way that you can contain her for a few weeks while you get it worked out? Do you have a pack & play that you can put her in. I found that was helpful when my daughter was going through the same thing because then she had to figure out how to calm herself down.
3. The other thing that ended up working for us was telling my daughter that it was bedtime, but if she wanted to come downstairs she could sleep on the floor in our office. So the choice was sleep on the floor in the office or in her bed (or on her floor). The office floor was uncomfortable and she fell asleep there for a few nights and then the next few nights she came back out and asked to go back up to her room. Eventually she stopped coming downstairs at all. So that reinforced the idea that it was bedtime, regardless of where she wanted to sleep. She was a little bit older, though, when we tried that as the problem went on for about 6 months.
We never got the nanny911 thing working at all - she thought it was a game and never made any progress night to night with it. And I found it infuriating for me.
Good luck - I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope that it settles soon!
Dear M., You know that all children are different. It seems your daughter needs more attention than your son. I have raised 5 and cannot imagine what it must be like to hear her shrieking and calling. I know it takes time but your husband has the right idea. We don't know what goes through our childrens minds but they are a gift to us. I love to sing so I would sing to them. We would also say bedtime prayers. Yes it took time but I can say that they are all grown now and they are fine and well adjusted. Yours truly, Grandma Mary
no offense to Laurie, that sounds lovely and everything, but back to reality here.......
Maybe she's ready to give up the nap? My son, who will be 3 in June, is only napping an hour a day. If he goes without a nap, he practically tucks himself into bed at 7 pm. because he's so tired. Maybe she's napping too long during the day. I'd try atleast just cutting the naptime in half and see how that works.
Good luck!
Lynsey
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Does she nap? Over tired kids actually have a harder time falling asleep and wake more, and have a harder time winding-down.
Seems like you tried everything...
Try possibly making a game of it!! Get her pillows and blankets and set up a few dolls or stuffed animals for her and make a pretend tea party. Read to her and her little party. Then talk to her and her little friends and say okay its bedtime so (your daughters name) and name her dolls or stuffed animals and say okay its sleepytime now, and mommy is going to bed to. Have her kiss her dollies or stuffed animals and of course mommie. If you have a night light leave it on/off. Let her know she's such a big girl and a good girl and you will see her in the morning. Good luck!!
