2 1/2 Yr Old Not Listening

I think he has to be redirected from food and watched more closely. He could choke the 9 month old by force feeding him. Take them for a walk, instead of food fights. Explain that food is not the answer. They need to stick to a routine, constantly. At 2 1/2 they try you out constantly. If he has fed the younger one, it's dangerous, he could choke him. Change to a walk after eating, watch closer to prevent problems. He needs to be around some other children - child care or neighbors, to see how they behave.

Hi A.,
My advice would be to figure out what's most important to your child and take it away when he loses his privilege by disobeying, etc. For my son, he is constantly moving and doing things (exploring, etc) and NEVER sits still. For that reason, we choose time out as our preferred discipline method at home. My sister, who has 2 amazingly well-behaved children, uses what I call the "privilege technique" and I saw it work so well for her that I have DEFINITELY instituted it with my own son. It really helps for outings because when we go to the mall or to the park we tell our son we expect him to obey mommy and daddy. Then, if he begins to disobey or throw fits we tell him that we really want him to earn his privilege to ride the carousel (which we give him the opportunity to "earn" every time we go to the mall) but that if his behavior continues he will lose his privilege to ride. There have been a couple of times where he chose to continue to disobey and we had to leave the mall with him crying to ride the carousel, but we just make sure that we follow through...if he doesn't obey and "earn his privilege" then he doesn't get it. We've left the park early due to him losing his privilege, too. Maybe something like that will work for y'all. Good luck!

Your words "he does not get ignored and I give up all my time so he has stuff to do" may be part of your problem. Not only does he realize that he's the center of your world and has lost all respect for you or others, but he's missed out on learning the creativity that comes with entertaining himself. Mommy and Daddy are always there to think of things for him to do instead of him thinking of things for himself. Creativity is vital in critical thinking skills and he'll suffer for it in school if you don't "ignore" him a little more often.

It's important to remember that you're his parents, not his friends. That was one of my exes problems with our 2 1/2 year old. Things improved dramatically when he moved out. The biggest thing my son had to learn was that when I made a threat, I meant business because I consistently followed through, unlike my ex.

I'm not one to be adverse to "smacking the tush" from time to time, and time-out can also help if it's used consistently. Try putting him in time-out in his room with just a few toys. That may be the start of him learning to entertain himself.

Have you tried counting to 5? That has been the single greatest disciplinary tool I've used. I count "1, 2...if I get to 5 you'll get time-out (or spanking or whatever)...3, 4, 5." The first few times he'll test you, so you'll have to follow through. But after that, he'll always respond (yeah, he'll still whine as he's doing it). You'll rarely get past 3.

Hope this helps.

You are both giving him way too much attention when your jobs are being husband and wife first. He is not the center of the universe and right now he thinks he is. I really like Dr Rosemond's advice on changing behaviour using the term "The Doctor said". When he disobeys, the DR could say he is just overly tired and needs an earlier bedtime or more "quiet time". Enforce it and do not give in. You are not his playmate - you are his father's wife and then mother to these children. YOu can learn a lot from Dr Rosemond's website and he has some really good books out. V.

Personally, I can't stand the "123 Magic" approach that a few folks recommended. Anyone who claims they can distill something as complex as a parent-child relationship into a 10-second one-size-fits-every-situation formula is like those old-time snake-oil salemen. Children this age are just learning how to really communicate, and all the "123" thing does teach them to SHUT UP before mommy gets to "3" OR ELSE! How is this supposed to help kids communicate problems and feelings?

I'm not trying to yank anyone's chain, just saying it's not for everyone. I *DO* really like "Positive Discipline for Preschoolers." He's a little young, but you'll get some good ideas.

I have a 2 year old girl.(just turned two). I am going to try Jaime's method.

Right now I use the distraction technique first, then I use time out for disobedience.

It works but when I am frustrated I think the priviledge method may work wonders!

UPDATE: I tried the Priviledge method...it didnt work. I'll go back to distraction and time out!

Sounds like your 2yr old is trying to find his place in the world! He isn't listening to you because he doesn't think he has too for starters. It's a fun game to not come to mommy when she calls because I like to see her face turn red and smoke come out her years! Sound about right?? You call him once, if he doesn't come, then you count 1 2 3 and after 3 if he still hasnt' come, he gets to spend 2 or 3 mins in time out for not listening. I'm a fan of a swat across the butt too so if your smacking the tush isn't doing it, them maybe the hand needs to be a bit fimer with the delivery. Especially if he is wearing diapers which can pad the blow.

Pick up the book 1-2-3 magic. It is full of great advice and will help you reinforce some of the things you are probably already doing and help fine tune them as well!

good luck
S.

I recommend a GREAT book called BOUNDARIES WITH KIDS, by drs cloud & townsend. They explain why the testing is coming & how to handle it along with issues to come. You can get it on Amazon or Barnes & Noble. They even have copies from discounted sources!

HOW I wish I'd had this book sooner... L.

I think you've got some good suggestions here. You just have to be consistent with your approach.
As far as feeding his brother goes, please don't leave the two of them alone together. I also would put all food out of his reach. Get child locks on your pantry and cupboards. At this age, I think removing the temptation to disobey is worth the effort.

Have you tried Supernanny's timeout technique? It really does work, but you MUST be consistant!
*You need to establish a timeout/naughty corner/step/seat (not his room, not anywhere he has toys/tv/other stuff - I use the corner in my kitchen/breakfast area that is empty)

1. Give him 1 warning (I find it works best to get to their level and warn...not from across the room.)
2. If he does whatever it is you told him not to or anything close to what you told him not to, take him to the timeout spot, get down to his level and calmly, but FIRMLY tell him "Mommy's putting you in timeout for 2 minutes because I told/asked you not to....fill in why he's in trouble." (face him towards the wall/corner) set the timer for 1 minute for each year of age.
3. While he's in timeout, DO NOT speak to him...no matter what...and DO NOT make eye contact. He may get up or come to you and will definitely cry for you...keep putting him in the spot without words, but do not lose your temper (it seems mean, but he will get the message...trust me! It works.) Each time he gets up, reset the timer. The first time or two that you do this CONSISTANTLY will seem like a lifetime, but it will eventually work well.
4. When he has completed his 2 minutes, go to him, get down to his level and say calmly "The reason mommy put you in timeout was because....fill in with same reason. Now I want you to tell Mommy you are sorry." (He should say it nicely...when he does HUGS AND KISSES! Even though your other baby is only 9 months, if he does something to hurt/potentially hurt the baby he should not only tell you he's sorry, but the baby, too.)
5. HUGS AND KISSES ARE VERY IMPORTANT!!!

Following the steps and being consistant are very important to making this technique successful. you can also go to supernanny.com for more info.

Good luck!

You might want to get a copy of Thomas Phelan's "1,2,3 Magic." My pediatrician recommended it several years ago, and it's an effective way of getting your child on board. It requires consistency. Smacking your child's fanny is only going to teach him that it's okay for him to be hitting on down the road.