Hi there-
We are in the same boat--My son is 2/12 and I have a 5 mo old daughter as well. A friend just successfully trained her second son, (number one was a breeze), who is like mine...could sit in a poopy diaper all day!
She gave me some great tips and ideas...hope this helps!
I had to decide to get disciplined about it and kind of schedule it as a two-week 'event' in my head. Clearly he wasn't going to initiate it any time soon, despite going #1 on the potty 'some' times for a long time now and even 'some' times when we were out and about. I started maybe 4 weeks ago?
- He was going #1 usually when I put him on it, but he wouldn't say he had to go. So I threw underwear on him, put a pin on his shirt (a red Canadian maple leaf one from my childhood) to remind ME he had underwear on. I'd try to get him on the toilet every 30-60 minutes, whether or not he wanted to.
- I made a big deal about going to Target and letting him pick out two types of treat 1) for going #1 - Raisinets - somewhat healthy right? hehe. He got one for just sitting on the potty (no success) and four each time for going #1. Of course, Jackson, Dan and I also did the potty dance every time he was successful to make him feel especially proud and celebrated. 2) He picked out Andies candy bars for every time he went #2.
- Within two days or so he was telling me he had to go #1 and sometimes #2. Eureka! There were only a few wet accidents. The problem/frustration was he'd go 10x on the potty and then a random accident, three times, then accident. Read below what I did when I realized how to curb accidents after it was clear he 'knew' when/how to go on the potty.
- Within five days he was going #2, although not every time. I had to wash and clean out gag worthy underwear and clothes and floors and our neighbor's driveway and sheets, etc. ~10x. Blech. Not used to this. Didn't have to do it with Jackson. There were only two potty training weeks where I was up to my elbows in do-do and pee, but it felt like it was way too often. No picnic, obviously.
- There were a few times where he knowingly had a #2 accident. At first, I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but wanted to celebrate the successes and keep encouraging him. However, after a few times I realized that i had to make things 'uncomfortable' for him. So, I calmly explained that it was totally fine that he had an accident, but when you knowingly or unknowingly make messes in life, unfortunately, part of what happens is you have to clean them up. So, I would very nicely make him disrobe, take his clothes to the washing machine, wash himself up (somewhat), give him a paper towel to pick up the poop, or whatever the case may be. It was the 'picking up the poop' scenario (2x) where he thought it was gross and 'disgusting' and cried a bit (even though I wasn't being mean) that turned the ship around.
From then on, he went religiously on the toilet.
Within days he woke up dry in the morning. What a surprise! Who knew? This happened several days in a row. Then a wet diaper. Hmm...maybe we should get him on the potty when he wakes up instead of just going downstairs and hanging out in pjs/diaper? Then several dry. Then a wet. Then we said if he stayed dry 7 nights in a row, he could wear underwear to bed, which he's been doing for a week+ now and staying dry. WooHoo!
The best part of all is that his staying dry at night incented Big Bro Jackson to do the same. I was certain Jackson just couldn't do it based on dairy intolerance, etc. He's had random dry nights for a long time, but usually VERY wet and many accidents where we had to change the sheets. Well, Ty was not going to outshine him, so Jackson's now dry too. ALLELUIA! AND THE HEAVENS OPENED AND CUT OUR DIAPER BUDGET AND BOOTY WORKLOAD BY 2/3!
The last thing is that potty training is a big deal in our extended family. We call gma/pas when someone does it for the first/second time. When a kid is in process, the aunts tell the kid they are going to buy them a special present/treat when they're potty trained. The grandparents buy a treat for the first success and sometimes when they're 100% trained. For Jackson, I made a chart and after five times going on the potty, he got to have an ice cream party with his cousins. For the next 10x he got to go to Monkey Joe's, etc. Each of the last squares in the row had a picture of the incentive and we'd put a star in the preceding boxes when he had a success. Next incentive was going poop for first time - that got him a pizza party at home or a toy?? Can't remember. I made it up as I went and based on what he was doing.
Soo....main thing is just committing yourself to a few weeks of focus, yuckiness, etc. Ugh. That's the hardest part. The rest is a little art and a little luck I think. Once they figure out the sensation and the mechanics and 'get it' then you kind of have to hold them responsible in a really nice, encouraging way to keep going consistently, vs. going in their pants because they're too busy playing. Cleaning up the poop and dealing with the not so pleasant sides of those choices seems to help.