1St Birthday Party - Brentwood,TN

I made the mistake of assuming everyone wanted to be a part of their first birthday only to find out, as I get older, many really don't care to be there. Scale down the invite list. Invite a small amount of people for her first. I found that I invited way too many people and it was too much for my little one. Inviting some with older kids is just not necessary - the kids have no interest in being at a party for a 1 year old, therefore, they will 'cause problems'.

As far as sending out the invitations - it is way too soon. For those out of town, tell them the date & time so they can make their arrangements. Then send the invitations at a more appropriate time closer to the date.

Well, I understand that families have different "traditions", but we didn't have a family birthday party for our daughter when she was one. She wouldn't even have remembered it (first memories are formed between age 3 and 4 typically). I think we gave her a couple of toys, a treat, and took a picture. Besides, by the time I had her at age 41, she had over 40 cousins from her age up to my age - our families were well "over" having large first birthday celebrations.

Being expected to be the "center" of a large gathering at age one could lead to shyness, tears, or a total meltdown. If you want to throw a big family party, go ahead, but it will be for you, not your daughter. And picking and choosing family members to invite can lead to family turmoil that would last much longer than the length of one party.

I would scale this WAY BACK unless you have a strong family tradition of everyone traveling a long distance for every occasion. I agree that a 1 year old has no clue what is going on, and usually they get so over-stressed by all the hoopla and the crowds that it winds up being a big disappointment for the parents! You will be working so hard, entertaining constantly, serving food, spending a fortune, and so on. Are you also having some of these people stay in your home since they come from far away? If so, you will have extra meals, laundry, entertainment, and so on. Your child will be surrounded by people she doesn't know, and you will be inviting people (the cousin's twins, the uncle's kids) who cannot handle big gatherings either. Two-year-olds do toddler things - they don't want to sit and watch a one-year-old get a bunch of toys they can't play with. And the 2 "tweens" aren't going to find this sort of thing fun at all - which may be why they act up. In big crowds, individuals don't get noticed - so yes, they have to be the center of things. And you will be fighting with this so that your child gets noticed on her day. It's turning into a competition, not a fun event.

It's perfectly normal to want to celebrate your baby's milestones, and the first birthday is special as you see how far she has come from that wonderful day she was born. But does putting her in the center of the room and having everyone ooh and aaah over her actually make for a fun day for her? How are you going to get her to nap when she's overtired, if everyone is there?

So I would ask myself, "what is the goal of this party?" If it's to give your daughter a good time, then this is not going to work. If it's to have a lot of photos, decide whether you really think you will care about looking at these every year. Would it be just as much fun to give her a few toys, take some pics of her in a new outfit and maybe tasting a cupcake and being intrigued by a candle? Then post the photos on line so your relatives can see them. If you have her grandparents in the area, then including them will be nice. Have these other relatives from many states away even met your child? Is this going to be something that is really fun for them? Does your family have a big tradition of traveling for every birthday and acknowledging every milestone with gifts? Is this something you feel compelled to perpetuate? If you feel you will be disowned if you don't have a big party, you may have to go through with it. But if you are going to offend some people by not inviting them, then maybe it makes sense to "offend" everyone equally and not have this big extravaganza that, apparently, many people don't enjoy or know how to behave in!

When our child turned 1, we had an immediate family party with an ice cream cake & a candle, and gave him his gifts. He wanted to play with the first one he got so we didn't go overboard. We invited Grandma and a couple from across the street. We took pictures and video, and it was great. We kept every party fairly small after that - just a few friends starting when he turned 4, and just immediate/local family in the years before that.

If you are sending out invitations 4 months in advance, and this is what your family expects, maybe you need to have a conversation with a few people to see if they really all want to do this, or if they are as conflicted about it as you are.

Good luck.

i woudn't have a big party for a 1 year old. she will never remember it. mom of 7 R.

I would really not... make this a big huge gala event.
No need to.
Just make it a small intimate 'party.'

Usually, a 1st B-Day party... is more important to the parents.
If making a party, it lasts only like 2 hours. A young child gets easily overstimulated and tired and fussy. Even at their own party.

Would your out-of-state relatives travel all that way, just for a 2 hour party?
1st B-day parties... are usually at a certain time, a couple of hours only, and scheduled around the child's nap time.

Next, if it is the 'norm' in your family to invite every single relative and even out-of-state for each b-day event, then I guess that is what you do.
But then, that means each and every year you have a party for your child, you will be obligated to invite all those same people/relatives again. Or they may get miffed. So it won't be your child's party... it will be a party in which people are invited out of obligation and having to.

But, as a child grows up, it is THEY who wants to decide what kind of party they have and 'who' THEY want to invite, Usually classmates and friends. For me, I let my kids decide, who to invite. Their friends.

I would just celebrate with your daughter and Husband.
We had a little party for my daughter when she turned 1.
For my son, we didn't have a party, but instead just at home, had a party with us and Grandma. And we took photos.
It was fine.
At NO time, did my son or daughter even remember their 1st B-Day.

For my kids 1st party I did send invites to all family members but I didn't expect anyone to come. It was more for a keepsake type of thing with a picture of them on the invite.

Maybe a call to them ahead of time to see if they are likely to come this year or not. Keep in mind it can be a learning experience for those other kids. I am sure their parents as well as other people will be saying things like well it isn't your party it is hers.

Nothing will be perfect and you will have to learn how to go with the flow of things.

Honestly, don't make yourself crazy. The first birthday is MUCH more for you and dad than it is for your daughter. She will have no idea, nor will she really care about birthdays until she's around 3 years old. Don't do this for HER - recognize that it's for you and plan accordingly. If you want her to really be the center, do something fun that your family will enjoy. Don't stress yourself - just have a lovely time.

And remember, if you decide that this will be a small affair, next time you get together at a big family gathering she WILL be the center for a while cause she's a cute little baby :)

Enjoy! :)

If they live out of town, I wouldn't worry with inviting them. If they live close (an hour or less), and you are close with them, I'd probably send them an invite. Everyone who's family will know what those kids are like. They will all also know that the day is for your daughter. So whatever happens just roll with it and don't add to whatever scene might arise.

Last week we went to my neice's party. A real 'Cinderella' was there. My daughter was fine until she showed up. Then she decided that she didn't like her and wouldn't come into the main room to participate with the other girls. 'i'll stay right here until you make her leave'.... 'well you'll be out here for a while then (over an hour) because she is Lyssa's friend, and today is about Lyssa, not you.' ... So instead of making a big scene, hubby stayed outside with her until she changed her mind. My SIL noticed that she was missing and asked what was going on, but the party went on, no other guests noticed the problem, and my daughter missed out on a fun time.

Edit: Another thought. - Schedule the 'full family' party for the weekend AFTER your daughter's first birthday. On the actual day just have a small dinner with close family and friends. This way, if the cousins do make a scene or try to steal the scene, then its just them acting up at another family gathering and won't ruin your memories of her 1st birthday.
M.

A first birthday party is really more for the grownups and guests than for the birthday girl. She may sleep - or cry! - through the whole thing.

So she's not going to mind the young showoff kinfolk. Invite the relatives and let her cousins attract attention if they must. They'll grow up a little more by the time your daughter is ready to enjoy her own parties, and maybe they'll be more mellowed out - or at least she'll enjoy their antics, and perhaps add some of her own.

you DD is turning 1 and tht's very special but it's mostly a day for you. your DD will prob not get hurt even if cuz does steal the attention unless she gets "hints" from you/your moods.
I would invite them and not care if they tried to take my DD big day because she is only turning 1...and even so, i would still invite them if she was older because it's family and i would teach her how to cope w/her attention taking/seeking cuz.

if u are set on not inviting them you need to say to then ASAP and make sure they know why and not misunderstandings or they might show up...but i strongly advise against this because they are family and becaus it will cause sooooooo many prob in the future.

If they are from out of state, do not invite them. Send them pictures of the big party and a thank you for the gift. I would invite grandparents and maybe some good friends and their kids. We didn't invite everyone in our extended family.

Or, you can just not worry about the cousins b/c your daughter won't remember it anyway. You can always just tell the cousins when they are acting up to calm down, get out of the picture, step away from the cake, let her open her own presents, etc

the first thing I would do is ask myself is this party really for the 1 year old or is it in fact for the mother of the one year old. A one year old is going to have absolutely NO MEMORY of the occasion - save the big bash for when the child is 10 or 16 -