My 19-month-old daughter has been a poor sleeper since birth. She has never slept one night on her own. Even after she was born at the hospital, we had to hold her in our arms when she slept. We have tried all types of methods, many books - Dr. Sears, Elizabeth Pantley, cry-it-out, going in at 5-10-15-30 minutes, etc. to no avail. She sleeps with us til this day and wakes up in the middle of the night frequently. Sometimes she wakes only 2 or 3 times a night crying, but most of the time about 6 to 8 times a night. Most of my family and friends said their kids slept through the night at around 18 months. I was waiting for that "magical" day. It came and went. We have a bedtime routine with her - bath, read a book, prayer, and lights out at 8 PM. This doesn't really seem to make a difference to her. Does anyone have any suggestions or can anyone reassure me that one day she will eventually sleep through the night on her own?
Hi Everyone,
Thanks for your input and suggestions. To provide a little more background, our daughter takes a one to two hour nap daily and she does occasionally eat a "second" dinner so-to-speak before bathtime. When she was younger and we tried letting her cry-it-out, she ended up crying to the point of vomiting. After that, my husband and I vowed never to do that again. For those of you who used the cry-it-out approach and it worked, that's great. It's just not a style that worked for us. Since last week, we put a nightlight in the room, but all it did was delay her bedtime. She ended up staying up longer and playing around before falling asleep. So, we discontinued the nightlight. I've been keeping a diary of her daily activities and meals since I posted this request, but I haven't made any connections between anything just yet. Overall, she is a great kid - plays, laughs, eats. She takes her daily nap on her own. It's just the nighttime sleeping patterns that throws us off. We're taking it night by night and hoping she will sleep through the night soon. Thanks!
Keep the routine that is good. Do you have a night light in the room?? Does she sleep with any noise?? My sons would not sleep through the night either until I got a low wattage night light for their room and I either put them down to a cd or I leave the tv on a low volume for noise. I think that when she wakes up she must be scared and that is why she cries. That is why I think that the lighting thing is key. Hope this helps.
KT
Do you feed your daughter before she goes to bed? My daughter is younger than yours. She is 6 months old. We also had trouble with her sleeping through the night. Our doctor told us to try feeding her something before putting her down for the night. I usually feed her cereal then a 4oz bottle and she sleeps through the night now! If she wakes up i give her a pacifier and her favorite soft toy or blanket! It works for us! Good Luck!
Every once in a while my son will wake up and come crawl into my bed in the middle of the night. Usually I just take him back to his bed and make sure that he is covered up. At one point it was getting more frequent (once or twice a week) which prompted me to do some research on children waking up at night.
According to what I have read on babycenter.com, it is very natural for children to wake up in the middle of the night. The website explained that everyone goes through the different sleep cycles at night (ranging from light sleep to deep sleep). Some children actually wake up during the light sleep cycle. At this point depending on the sleep habits of the family the child has either learned to go back to sleep by themselves or some may need the help of the parents to go back to sleep. Bottom line this is something that the child has learned over the course of her life. I don't have any advice to offer because I have never been in your situation but I have often found that babycenter.com has some great tips and advice for a variety of issues. Good luck!!
Like everyone else, make sure she goes to bed on a full tummy...my daughter slept entirely thru the night since she was less than 2 weeks old, my son i wasn't so lucky...he did not sleep thru the night until he was about 4 1/2.....so someday that magical day will come but it sure is hard waiting for it.
For all the Mothers out there who's little ones aren't sleeping:
I EMPATHIZE with you and I may have some answers...
My son, who is now 3, was the exact same way. He never slept from the very beginning. He would wake up literally 5-10 times every night, and that was only if he was in bed with me being held. Otherwise it was worse. The night before going to a pediatric neurologist at 23 months old I stayed up all night and counted 20 times that he woke up! We had tried everything as well. After 2 hours of crying it out and showing no signs of stopping, or even slowing down, we gave up on that approach. We too tried Pantley, etc. What I am talking about is a real problem, just like what you have described.
We had suspected something before visiting the neurologist, and our fears were confirmed. Our son was diagnosed with autism.
Does your daughter have any of the signs for autism? For example: ***
Research now suggests that children as young as 1 year old can show signs of autism. The most important thing you can do as a parent or caregiver is to learn the early signs of autism and understand the typical developmental milestones your child should be reaching at different ages. Please look over the following list. If you have any concerns about your child's development, don't wait. Speak to your doctor about screening your child for autism. While validated screening for autism starts only as young as 16 months, the best bet for younger children is to have their development screened at every well visit with a highly validated developmental screening tool. If your child does have autism, early intervention may be his or her best hope.
Watch for the Red Flags of Autism
(The following red flags may indicate a child is at risk for atypical development, and is in need of an immediate evaluation.)
In clinical terms, there are a few �absolute indicators,� often referred to as �red flags,� that indicate that a child should be evaluated. For a parent, these are the �red flags� that your child should be screened to ensure that he/she is on the right developmental path. If your baby shows any of these signs, please ask your pediatrician or family practitioner for an immediate evaluation:
� No big smiles or other warm, joyful expressions by six months or thereafter
� No back-and-forth sharing of sounds, smiles, or other facial expressions by nine months or thereafter
� No babbling by 12 months
� No back-and-forth gestures, such as pointing, showing, reaching, or waving by 12 months
� No words by 16 months
� No two-word meaningful phrases (without imitating or repeating) by 24 months
� Any loss of speech or babbling or social skills at any age
*This information has been provided by First Signs, Inc. �2001-2005. Reprinted with permission. For more information about recognizing the early signs of developmental and behavioral disorders, please visit http://www.firstsigns.org or the Centers for Disease Control at www.cdc.gov/actearly.
Common Characteristics of Autism
While understanding of autism has grown tremendously since it was first described by Dr. Leo Kanner in 1943, most of the public, including many professionals in the medical, educational, and vocational fields, are still unaware of how autism affects people and how they can effectively work with individuals with autism. Contrary to popular understanding, many children and adults with autism may make eye contact, show affection, smile and laugh, and demonstrate a variety of other emotions, although in varying degrees. Like other children, they respond to their environment in both positive and negative ways.
Autism is a spectrum disorder. The symptoms and characteristics of autism can present themselves in a wide variety of combinations, from mild to severe. Although autism is defined by a certain set of behaviors, children and adults can exhibit any combination of the behaviors in any degree of severity. Two children, both with the same diagnosis, can act very differently from one another and have varying skills.
Parents may hear different terms used to describe children within this spectrum, such as autistic-like, autistic tendencies, autism spectrum, high-functioning or low-functioning autism, more-abled or less-abled. More important than the term used is to understand that, whatever the diagnosis, children with autism can learn and function productively and show gains with appropriate education and treatment.
Every person with autism is an individual, and like all individuals, has a unique personality and combination of characteristics. Some individuals mildly affected may exhibit only slight delays in language and greater challenges with social interactions. The person may have difficulty initiating and/or maintaining a conversation. Communication is often described as talking at others (for example, monologue on a favorite subject that continues despite attempts by others to interject comments).
People with autism process and respond to information in unique ways. In some cases, aggressive and/or self-injurious behavior may be present. Persons with autism may also exhibit some of the following traits.
� Insistence on sameness; resistance to change
� Difficulty in expressing needs; uses gestures or pointing instead of words
� Repeating words or phrases in place of normal, responsive language
� Laughing, crying, showing distress for reasons not apparent to others
� Prefers to be alone; aloof manner
� Tantrums
� Difficulty in mixing with others
� May not want to cuddle or be cuddled
� Little or no eye contact
� Unresponsive to normal teaching methods
� Sustained odd play
� Spins objects
� Inappropriate attachments to objects
� Apparent over-sensitivity or under-sensitivity to pain
� No real fears of danger
� Noticeable physical over-activity or extreme under-activity
� Uneven gross/fine motor skills
� Not responsive to verbal cues; acts as if deaf although hearing tests in normal range.
For most of us, the integration of our senses helps us to understand what we are experiencing. For example, our senses of touch, smell and taste work together in the experience of eating a ripe peach: the feel of the peach fuzz as we pick it up, its sweet smell as we bring it to our mouth, and the juices running down our face as we take a bite. For children with autism, sensory integration problems are common. Their senses may be over-or under-active. The fuzz on the peach may actually be experienced as painful; the smell may make the child gag. Some children with autism are particularly sensitive to sound, finding even the most ordinary daily noises painful. Many professionals feel that some of the typical autism behaviors are actually a result of sensory integration difficulties.
There are many myths and misconceptions about autism. Contrary to popular belief, many autistic children do make eye contact; it just may be less or different from a non-autistic child. Many children with autism can develop good functional language and others can develop some type of communication skills, such as sign language or use of pictures. Children do not "outgrow" autism but symptoms may lessen as the child develops and receives treatment.
One of the most devastating myths about autistic children is that they cannot show affection. While sensory stimulation is processed differently in some children with autism, they can and do give affection. But it may require patience on a parent's part to accept and give love in the child's terms.
***I know that was a lot of information, but I just want you to be autism aware, because if it is the reason why she is not sleeping, she can be helped. To this day our son still sleeps in our bed, but he no longer was up at night, except for an occasional bad dream. 60% of children with autism have sleeping disorders.
I would be happy to talk with you in person or via private email, or anyone else who is having the same sleep issues.
S.
Have u tried playing music? My lil boy is 24 months old and sometimes he seems to have trouble falling asleep. Do you put her down for a nap? If not that may be part of her problem? Try going for a walk kinda close to bedtime maybe the fresh air will help her fall asleep or if all else fails try the drive around the block routine.
ok, this is going to sound mean but i do not mean it in that way at all. you have brought this on yourself. by this age they know and understand that it is "bed time", not that they should know, but they do understand what is going on. and by cradling her until she fell asleep got her used to being around you and needing you to fall asleep. this is the only method she knows. she's going to have seperation anxiety so breaking this is going to be tough and what doesn't help is that she's going to be tired when the breaking of this occurs so it's going to make it even worse.
first, what you have to do is think of every possible thing that you can think of that would cause you child to want to get out of bed. hunger, thirst, scared of the dark, too quiet, does she have a blanket, pillow and whatever she might sleep with. get those thing and make sure they have them. i think to this would help you know in the back of your mind that you've given them everything they could possible need for bed and you shouldn't have to go back in their room to give it to them. make sure they maybe have a snack before bed, get a small night light, a cd player with soothing music or a white noise machine (or you could record on a tape with you singing or reading several stories.) i would never allow a night light from the get-go and i'm glad i didn't because my son got used to the dark from the beginning and didn't have to rely on it... he's 2 1/2 now and would love to have a light at night to see into his closet to better see his toys.
second, let them get involved at night. the they could turn out the light, turn on the night light, turn on the cd player. let them know it's bed time and you love them and will see them in the morning. if she's personally invested something into her "bed-time" she might feel more independent and proud of how she got herself ready for bed and it might ease some anxieties.
don't feel bad about the bedtime routine not working (bath, reading books, sing a song). my son never took to that. it just wasn't his thing.
lastly, be strong. don't go in there. because of your "check-list" you should have no reason. her screams will pull at your heart more that anything, but don't cave. you made sure you have everything covered they could possibly need. the second you go in there you are letting them dictate to you how things are going to be. if you let them cry to sleep the crying will wear them out. and they can hold up for a good while too. the older they get, the more hard headed and strong willed they get. i would do all this as soon as possible too, because pretty soon if not by now, she will start climbing out of bed and getting out of her room and then you have a whole new set of issues (my son was doing this at 14mo). i'm guessing the crying-through-the-night-method didn't work because it always ended up with you or your husband holding and comforting her sometime before the morning. she is not going to cry for 8 hours straight. she will give up eventually. you are the parent she is the child. there is no doubt that you love her, but this has to stop. not only so she can have a healthy night of sleep, but so you can too and so you can keep your sanity. you would not be neglecting her. you can't be the best mom you can be if you're tired and worn down all the time. this isn't going to be fun and you can't give in. hope i haven't offended you, those weren't my intentions. i feel for you and hope you find something that works. good luck.
All i can say is I KNOW !!! my daughter has been the same since the day she was born, she is 4 and REFUSES to sleep she is very smart and a good little girl, but it seems like she has NEVER slept...i tried waking her up early and keeping her up all day so she would be tired... nope
She popps her little eyes open and is ready to start her day no matter what time i get her up and she goes strong all day. it is now almost midnight and she is still awake in her bed with the lights out and i am sure her face is the first thing i will see when i open my eyes...
I'm sure that is NOT what you wanted to hear... but if it continues.... at least you're not alone.
P>S>
I also have a 2 yr. old,,, but i have no problem with her and they sleep in the same bed.
I have a 17 month old son that does the same thing. I am unable to do the whole cry-it-out thing because I live with my parents and they have to work in the morning. When my son cries, the neighbors across the street can hear him. He has slept with me mainly his whole life until recently. My husband has been away to school and his work has him gone for months at a time. I also have a routime but that doesn't seem to matter. When he only wakes up 1 or 2 times a night it is because he needs water. When he wakes up more than twice I actually prepare a small meal like PB&J or a bowl of cereal. That usually allows him to sleep longer. I hope my magical day will come too. Last night was the first night he slept from 9-7:30 it was great! My advice would be to pay attention to everything that you do. When the nights come and he only wakes up 1 or 2 times think about what you did that day and try to continue that. For instance, I took my son to the park in the late afternoon and then also took him for a walk in the evening last night and he slept all night. So I will do that again to see if it helps. If you can get him to only wake up 2 or 3 times instead of 6-8 times that is an improvement right? Good Luck!
have you tried putting her in her crib after she falls asleep( i would wait 5-15 min of her sleeping to do it so she def is asleep) also maybe try leaving her on her own when she is awake-like leave for 5 min and then come back and check on her and increase the time so that she knows its ok to be by herself.
Everone has given you good advice, so I hope something clicks! I feel so bad for YOU! You must be about to lose your mind. My daughter(who will be a year old soon)went through this wake up thing for about a month, but it sounds like you just have a very needy child. Period. Have you thought of a 'lovey' and maybe a story to go along with it? Maybe convincing her the "lovey" will protect her? And it may take a week or more of you losing more sleep and keep putting her in her bed each time she wakes up....just making the trek back and forth to her bed with her crying and fussing. It will be tough, but it will be worth it in the end if sleeping in her own bed and through the night is what you are looking for. How about moving her mattress into your room and putting it on the floor next to your bed? I am just throwing out suggestions because hopefully one will work for you! Good luck! Please let us know how it works out and what worked! ;o)
I don't know that I can help with the reasurance that she will sleep through the night, but I can assure you that it is not unusual for children to awaken & yet be well rested. My son is almost 5 & his internal time clock wakes him about midnight most every night. A few swallows of drink, or a little love & he's right back out. On ocasion he'll need to use the restroom at this time, but quickly falls back to sleep & will stay asleep untill the morning. My husband often works evenings, but is usually home by midnight & often he will ask if Daddy is home. I think this is a part of why he wakes, even though it occurs when Dad is home, he seems to need the reasurance.
My nephew was a terrible baby, cried all night and it was miserable for his mom...turns out he was constipated. Once he got on regular food this went away. Maybe your daughter has a similar problem like constipation or an intolerence to milk and it makes her stomach hurt.
M.,
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I don't have any new suggestions, but wanted to offer some sympathy. My 19-month-old has slept through the night all of twice, but normally she only wakes up 1-2 times. We co-sleep, at least after the first wakeup. I can't imagine 6-8 times! That sounds rough.
We have also found that the more she eats right before bed, the better. We also take her for a walk (we put her in the Ergo backpack) after her bath unless she is very tired already. The walk mellows her out and helps her sleep.
It could be allergies, to milk or wheat or another of those normal food things that lots of kids have problems digesting.
Good luck! I hope that you find the problem or she outgrows it. Keep praying for patience and guidance and good sleep.
J.
I totally agree with Sarah. She lacks the skill to fall asleep on her own and for most babies the "magical moment" they gain this is when the parent is finally sleep-deprived enough to let the baby cry. Most of the time when cry-it-out didn't work it was only tried it for a couple of hours worth of crying for a couple of nights. If you had toughed that out months ago it would have been a shorter battle, but at this point it will likely take a week or more of putting her down to bed and doing NOTHING until morning. You have permission to do this, and it will benefit your whole family.
Reasurance,
I have a 4 year old that still wakes up at night a few times a week. when he was one he started having night terrors,he got over his night terrors a year ago or so but he was still waking up at night crying. this went on for years. then he started to wake up and climb in our bed. this lasted for 6 months or so..i did all the tricks too to get him in bed and stay asleeep all night ( nightlights, stuffed baby bears, anything)..basically after talking to drs. and all my friends, each child is different with different sleeping habits and it will work it self out and you WILL find a good night sleep all in due timing. my son will turn 5 in november and he wakes up at night maybe once or twice a week now...its only because i turned off his nightlight.
Does she seem to have trouble breathing when she sleeps or snores? If so, you might want to have her tonsils and adnoids checked. My son also had the problem of not sleeping through the night and he did have trouble breathing and snored VERY loud and about a month ago he had his tonsils taken out and hasn't had trouble since.
Well, I did not have this problem with my 20-month old. She slept through the night from the day she came home from the hospital. Lucky ME!! However, when my son was born it was a completely different story. I asked my doc about it and she said it could be a number of things. I would agree with the nightlight idea and making sure she is dressed properly for the temp in her room. Also, make sure she is not hungry. I always sleep better on a full stomach! I had to let my son cry it out for about a week before he finally got accustomed to the fact that I was getting some sleep and he could do nothing about it. I hope your issue is solved soon! And yes, it may take forever, (and I know that is NOT what you want to hear), but she will sleep through the night someday!
