18 Month Old Is Out of Control

You say "he is carried in a sling a large majority of the time." Is there a reason for this? Little ones need to be put down to play and explore........maybe he is frustrated being carried around a lot and since he doesn't talk he can't express his feelings. Maybe try putting him down more and see if his behavior improves. Good luck.

My grandson that we are raising didn't talk for the longest time and he has big anger issues. He was 22 months when we had Sooner Start evaluate him. They are part of our local Department of Human Services. They came to our home and did all kinds of things with him to evaluate his development and where he should be and where he was. His mother did lots of drugs while she was pregnant with him so we were very worried he would have disabilities. They found his speech was not where it should be but everything else was on the mark. These are professionals that are specifically trained in the job of assessing childrens development and issues. He was to be re-evaluated by 3 and we haven't had time to do it yet but he'll be seen by someone in the school system because he is 3 now. There are many agengies out there to help you find out if this is just a strong willed child or if there is something more going on.

I also recommend taking some "Love and Logic" classes from your local mental health agency. They have helped us to be better parents. You give the kiddos 2 choices. If J goes in the store with me he gets to choose if he sits in the seat facing me with a seat belt on or in the basket. Walking is not an option, only the 2 choices I can accept.

If you haven't yet, get his hearing checked. My nephew had hearing issues when he was your son's age. The angry outbursts were attributed to his inability to communicate.
Good Luck,
S.

Hi Tiffany,

I totally understand your plight. My, now 16 year old son, was the same way. Now his was due to developmentally delayed problems that didn't entirely show up until he was older. But that is probably not the case with your son.

I have read a book by Dr. Charles Dobson called "The Strong Willed Child" and it's excellent. I highly recommend it.

Here are a few websites that might be helpful also: http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/reviews/parenting_books/se...
http://www.allaboutparenting.org/discipline-for-strong-wi...
http://www.thelaboroflove.com/articles/how-can-i-discipli...

I think the common thread in all the books and articles is to find out what is most important to your child and use it as leverage to get him to obey. In my son's case it's the computer...any violation of set rules or outbursts results in taking away time from his alloted computer time...or taking the computer away completely. This is what works for him...but it was trial and error to find the right thing. At time I felt as if I was constantly talking negatively to him, not so with his older sister. I think I made the mistake of trying to over-compinsate for the disparity by overlooking some of his "minor" outsbursts...which didn't help at all. Different children require different parenting skills.

Another good book to read is "The Five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman. In it you will learn what speaks most loudly to your child (or spouse) so that they "hear" you saying you love them. Some portions of the book seem to be speaking mainly to the husband and wife relationship, but we used the same applications with our children and what a difference. We all "hear" I love you in different manners.

Good luck with your situation. Don't give up hope...and know that you are not alone. My strong willed child is now 16 and not quite as demanding as when he was younger. Now he is developmentally delayed so the circumstances are different...but the applications worked just the same.

W. Q

There are some wonderful suggestions by other moms. Discipline is very different than punishment. Punishment should be avoided at this age. Discipline is very important. Giving choices is a very positive and healthy form of discipline. Exploring their worlds freely in a safe environment is also extremely important for brain development. I think you will enjoy a book I am finishing now. I have learned so much about what is developmentally appropriate for the first 3 years. It is called "Positive Discipline for the First 3 Years." There are so many positive suggestions for little ones that encourage self confidence and trust in you. It is wonderful.

You already have a lot of advice how to handle the situation, some I agree with and some I do not. However, since you already have one child, you are not completely new to the game, and I want to provide a little reassurance. My first child was a breeze when compared to my second, and I have to remind myself that it is not something I am doing wrong, but just that the children are very different. My first child picked up baby signs so quickly and easily, and almost never threw tantrums. My second child on the other hand, is not interested in signs and gets frustrated much more easily since he cannot communicate as well. He has a much bigger temper and is willing to hit more often, too. I do know that I get frustrated more easily, too, which does not help. There are tons of things you can do - but you have to find what works for you. I believe the most important thing is to remain calm and remember that your son is only 18 months old. It is going to take a while before your son understands what a time out is - I have even used a pack-n-play to both give myself some time to relax and make sure that my son (20 months) can get a minute of true time out from the situation, too. I do reinforce the time out chair when I am calm and have the patience to walk him back there every 5 seconds, but I have to remind myself that it is going to take months before he truly understands how time out works. Oh, and also, my active child also acts up a lot more when he is under the weather - my first did not do that, either. Best of luck, take a deep breath, and enjoy this stage - I know I need to be told that often, too!

i really think he does not need to be in that sling still milking from you. Time out I wouldn't use until he really understtd what the purpose of it is maybe 3yrs. of age. When he hits you take his hand and let him know we use a soft touch.....even take his hand rub it across your face softly saying soft touch...........When he throw his cup, pick it up and put it up away from him telling him he is now finished....look for classes @ the library, and rainbow fleet that deal with these issues or get videos from health dept and okdhs

First of all, I would like to suggest that you have his hearing checked. My daughter was also not talking at 18 months and it was because she had a hearing loss. Once it was diagnosed and we sought the appropriate treatment (hearing aides and speech therapy), then we tried the below method.

I also have a very headstrong child, a daughter, and this is what worked with her....Giving her choices. Many times children feel like they have no contorl over their lives, mom or dad tell them what to wear, when to eat, what to eat, etc. By giving the child choices, they feel like they are in control (when actually, you still are!). The key is to give 2 choices with each question (and ask as many as possible to give them more choices), either choice you are happy with.

Example:
When your son indicates to you he is thirsty, you say:
Would you like the red cup or the orange one?
Would you like juice or milk?
Would you like a lid or a straw?
Would you like to drink it in the kitchen or at the dining room table?

This works with discipline too...
When your son shows inappropriate behaviour, you say:
That behaviour is not acceptable in our home (or at church, or at the supermarket, etc.), would you like to spend 5 minutes time out in on your bed or in the dining room chair? If the child refuses to choose, you just up the time and repeat the same question. Again, if they refuse to choose, you just up the time and repeat the same question. Eventually they will see that the time is getting longer and longer and will choose. Obviously this is geared towards a little older children, however, I used it on my daughter starting at 18 months. You just limit the choices more, in other words, in the scenario above you might say "Time out time, chair or floor?" If he refuses to choose, then choose one and MAKE him stay there for 5 minutes. Next time he may choose just so you won't take away the control.

The tough part is sticking with it in the beginning. When they refuse to choose (when it's not discipline) or try to give another option, you choose for them and STICK TO IT. This teaches them that if they won't choose from your options that you will take control back and choose for them. It won't take very long until they will choose because they will learn that if they don't you will choose for them and take the control away. If they refuse to choose (when it is discipline) you just keep upping the time and at some point you just stick with it so they will remember the next time that the punishment is worse if they don't choose.

My daughter is now 18 and a wonderful young lady, however, as a toddler she was driving me crazy because she was so stubborn and strong willed. This method worked wonders on her. These children won't do what you want them to do just because you want them to do it, they won't do it until they decide to do it and that can be quite frustrating!

Good luck!!!

I agree with some of the other suggestions. My youngest daughter that is now 19 used to behave the same way. I thought it was never going to end!!! We had her hearing tested and in her case that was okay but it turned out to be an auditory processing problem that we discovered after having further testing when she was 4. Like the other ladies nephew she was also frustrated by her inability to communicate. I also have a friend whose 3yr old son has many tantrums a day and he has been diagnosed with mild aspergers syndrome. Definately talk to your pediatrician. The younger you catch these things the better chance your child has of being successful in school and life.
From school teacher....B.

We have a rule in our house: It's okay to get mad but if you are going to throw a fit, you have to go to your bedroom until you feel better. I have carried my children to their rooms many times because they refuse to go. I don't close the door but if they come out before the fit is over, I put them back in and repeat that they can only come out when they feel better.

And, just so you know that I understand the anger fits, my daughter is autistic (PDD-NOS) and used to hit when she was mad. We were instructed that when she hit to put her in our lap and wrap our arms around her and legs around her (if necessary). Very calmly say, "When you can control yourself, I will let you go."

You need to get the book How To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debbie Pearl. I wished I had it when my children were little! If you do what is in the book, you children will be trained in what is right and how to act. I know this because the family I was a nanny to did this and the whole family was at peace. They have 5 boys and 1 girl. God Bless. B.

I was a nanny for 2 years and the boy wad 18 mo when I started. when he would try to hit me I would put him on the floor immediately and get myself a few feet back and tell him that I couldnt hold him if he was going to hurt me. and then when he was calm I would kneel in front of him and take the hand(s) he hit with and "show" him what gentle was by taking them and touching my arm gently. this worked and eventually I would just tell him "gentle" and he would touch my arm nicely like I had made him do.
When he would throw things the toys would go into "timeout" instead of him and they could only come back out after he was being kind again. this was a better punishment than him going into timeout for it because he usually wanted to play with what he had thrown at me.

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