15Mo Old Tantrums

I find that when my LO would act up a small time out works well. We use a pack n play and she gets that time to herself to control herself. I don't leave her completely alone but still I don't talk to her because that never worked. The more I would talk to her (positive or negative) she would act out more. I decided to let her have quiet time until she could calm down and then she could get out. This has worked very well with us and now most the time we just have to say "Do you want a time out?" and she will stop whatever it is that she is doing.

Kids love being outside. The other thing I do is warn her about things before they happen. Such as if we are going away in the car instead of going for a walk with the stroller I tell her "We are going Bye Bye in the car." before we walk out the door so that way she knows where we are going. It has helped a lot.

Good Luck!

Sounds like normal behavior for that age. I did the "ignore" method with my daughter and it's ok...but I found the "put her in a room by herself" worked better. I would just put her there and tell her when she stopped crying I would get her out. Every once in a while I will open the door and say..."Are you done?" Just to remind her that I was still waiting outside the door to get her should the behavior stop. This has worked well now that she knows what happens. She calms down faster because she wants to get out of the room. Good luck!

Hi L.!

When kids approach 2, it seems like our "perfect little child" went temporarily missing :o) I wish there was a "magic potion" for moments like that :o)

It sounds like you're trying to do the right thing, by NOT letting the tantrum affect you. Try not to laugh, though, you will hurt her feelings :o(

There really isn't anything "magical" we mothers can do, I wish there was. But, if we are consistent in whatever we do, it will eventually take care of the problem.

It used to make me cry when my boys ever did that. I was never sure that I was doing the right thing to handle it. My attitude was like yours, I couldn't stand to see & hear the tantrum. I knew what "the books said" was to ignore it, but I just couldn't do that completely.

What I did was ignore the "sreaming" (well, I tried to). I would sit down in the room with my son. I would say something, like "Honey, mommy doesn't want to see you so angry, so reeee-laaaax, and when you stop screaming, please come over and talk to me......" I remember trying so hard to have a very calm voice. I would wait about 30-45 seconds and say it again. I gave him 3 chances to calm down and sit with me, and if he chose not to, then I got up and said " I think you're too angry to talk to me nicely, so just let me know when you're done being angry and I will come back and talk to you" This of course made him even angrier......But, it eventually worked after about 4-5 tantrums, and they only got eaiser from there.....and less often :o) Maybe I was just Blessed, but I did the same th ing with my younger son and it worked itself out, too :o)

This made me feel that I was still "being there" for my son, and NOT ignoring his emotions, because they ARE learning how to express themselves at that age and I didn't want to feel as if I was "pushing his emotions aside". I tried to make him feel "validated", but learning to calm himself down was important "tool" to learn, in my opinion.

While we were "mastering" the tantrums, I learned to really "look" at my son's face and actions to see if I could notice when he was "on the brink....." I noticed that it almost always was associated with a time to eat, or nap. So, I think I helped limit the tantrums by knowing their boundaries, then change the game before they get more frustrated.

At this age, I began counting 5,4,3,2,1, for silly things like, landing the dinner plate on their tray, turning off the TV, or whatever. Then I used that before I took something away, like "in 5 minutes we are putting the train set away because we have to go to the store".....then " in 4 min's.... etc.

My kids are 5 & 11 now, and I STILL use the 5 minute countdown for alot of things, but mainly getting out of the pool :o) Of course, It's not really "5 minutes" I count. The minutes might be 5 minutes apart, but it's the idea of the countdown that has worked for us for many years.

Anyway, I hope my experience in this "Department" can help you in some way or another. This is really an emotionally difficult thing to try to figure out, and you might try several ideas before you find the one that will work for your daughter's personality.

Hang in There!

:o) N.

This sounds like my daughter (now 20 mo old). We started telling her in advance what was going to happen and this has helped a lot. For example, when we're at the park, I have to say, "1 more time down the slide and then we have to go home". Then I get really excited about what we're going to do at home: "At home we can color and play with your toys, etc." Consistency helps: so when you say it's time to go, you have to go, no matter what tantrum follows.

She still throws fits about things sometimes, and we also have a problem getting her to come indoors when she's outside. When that happens, I try and acknowledge her little feelings ("I know it's fun to play outside, but we have to go inside now. It's ok to be frustrated/sad/mad, etc").

If it gets really bad and I can't calm her down in a few minutes with distractions, I have to put her in timeout. I tell her it's ok to cry when you are upset, but I don't want to be around it. I put her in her room (door open) and come back in 1 minute. I ask if she's finished crying (usually she says yes and I get a hug). If she's not, I tell her she can come get a hug when she's done.

This has helped her tremendously. We have considerably less tantrums now then we did a few months ago. Good luck - I've heard that kids will either go through the tantrum phase at this stage or at 2 1/2 - so I hope it helps to know that getting them over with now!

she is probably not getting all of her needs met and might have a tough time with transitions. make sure if you breastfeed that she is getting enough, and if you don't make sure she is getting enough protein throughout the day because when they have low blood sugar tantrum-like behavior comes out more. also, read dr. sears book "the discipline book"

Hi! My kids are now 18 and 21 but my daughter was a very strong willed child which drove us crazy. I eventually found a book that I always recommend to parents - Raising Your Sprited Child. Unfortunately I don't have the author's name because I just lent the book to one of my Gymboree customers. But, she had looked at it on Amazon and said the reviews were always 5 stars. It's an easy read with alot of good advice - and humor! Let me know if you have any other questions or if you have trouble finding the book.

J. F.

My 15 mo old son throws tantrums too, except he bangs his head on things when he gets mad/frustrated. I talked with his Pedi about it and it is recommended to ignore the tantrum if they are in a safe place and can not hurt themselves, or try to distract the child if you can with something else. If you are out in public, remove the child and go to the car or outside away from the event until the child is able to calm down. Also talk to your child in a calm, boring/monotone voice and try to not get frustrated as this will only make things worse. Good Luck.

we just got a DVD from the library called the Happiest toddler on the Block, and the ideas were intriguing. We've tried them out during minor fits, and our 15 month old went from crying to laughing.

I have a 16 month old and she started whining this past month about everything. Then I find she has two canines and a molar coming out at the same time! She wasn't having good rest at night or during her naps, so that makes her cranky. She sleeps through the night and takes a nap everyday, but the pain is bothering her that she probably isn't getting much deep sleep. I've been giving her orajel, teething drops and tylenol or motrin. Still not as happy as her usual self, but it's much better now than a couple of days ago when I was unaware of her problem.

I would check to see if your little one is teething. Molars and canines usually come out at this age. After teething, it could continue on if they realize the whining or tantrums get what they want. Sleep is so important and really makes a huge difference in their behavior.

Good luck and I hope things get better soon!

We tried the 1,2,3 method and it worked well for us. You hold up one finger and say "that was one" when they misbehave or don't listen. Then "that was two" etc. When you get to three they go to their room for a time out. It does take a few tries to work and we got to three a lot, but it did work for us. We even watched a video that I think we got from the library or a mothers group called 1,2,3. Now my kids are much older (10 & 13) and all I have to do is hold up one finger from across the room and they will stop arguing with us and go do what they were told. Of course, now I get the dirty looks and the "maawwwmm" that comes with a 13 y/o. It never ends so just try your best. Good luck!

I agree with the others that you need to start talking to your child and expressing her feelings for her so that she will eventually learn to do this herself. However, at 15 mo. she is not really developmentally capable of truly understanding this - it is just modeling and repetition so that as she develops she will learn the "expressing herself behavior". However you cannot just give in to tantrums or you will teach her that any behavior is ok. If she puts up enough fuss she will get what she wants. If she doesn't want to come inside, pick her up and bring her inside anyway (kicking and screaming), explaining the whole time that you understand she doesn't want to come inside but that the whole family is going inside and so must she. She can play outside later. Whatever your reasoning is for coming inside, explain it to her. As they start to become more autonomous, the more difficult they become - it's natural. Thus the name "terrible two's" (which really last anywhere from about 14 mo to 3.5 years). It is our job as parents to repeatedly teach them better behavior. By age two she will really be testing your patience over the smallest things! Children still have no empathy for others at this age and are completely self centered, and they are becoming more autonomous at the same time. This is the reason the terrible two's occur.However be sure not to laugh at her, this invalidates her feelings and will teach her not to trust her own feelings. She will outgrow this stage, it's a matter of what skills she learns as she matures through this stage that will determine her behavior later.

Dear 35 and married for three years,

I believe your daughter is very independent Let her do it all by her self. I am a mother of three very beautiful girls. My oldest is 28 years old she would say "I can do it all my by self" she was three then. She was right. Take good care.

It sounds like she is very clear on what she wants, but unable to express herself and falls into complete meltdown. This is common at many ages... just takes different forms. How would you like it if you were completely engrossed in something and a giant came along, picked you up and told you, you were done? Then you had no words to say anything about what you are thinking? That's what it's like for her. I agree with others, talk out loud and try to express for her what she is feeling "you really don't like that!" So she can learn the words for the future. Of course the biggest heartbreak comes when they learn the words (YEA) and you still have to say no, or pick them up anyway! BUmmer. So, it's best to establish a warning system and stick to it. "ok, honey I can see you like being outside, but we're going inside in 5 minutes (later use a timer a lot... they like that) or sing a song for timing, and then go in... don't extend or change your mind or the process won't work. Be consistent so she knows... oh, when she sings that song or says five minutes, she means it. By giving her cues, she is less jarred by the changes going on with any say from her. (which is of course normal when you are little and have parent who are in charge!). She'll still throw a fit for awhile, but be calm and smile as if you expect it and help her transition into another activity or give her quiet time in her own space until she regains her wits about her. Remember a fit at this is age is about being overwhelmed.

Good luck and enjoy her while she's little... it goes too fast!

e.

Hi Lofanik,

My 2 year old is in a similar phase.
We decided to make the bottom stair her "time out spot" so that it is not in her room and has no distractions around.
She sits there with a timer on for two minutes and when she is quiet she can get up.
I always walk away and put her back if she gets up - resetting the timer if I have to.
When trying to get the kids in from outside - I used to use the countdown method/warnings - 5 mins...2 mins etc but sometimes that ends in frustration/crying/whining too.
I found better success with putting it in functional or play terms..."Ok...three more goes on the slide for both of you and then we go" or whatever (then make sure you stick to it).

Hope this helps. Good luck.
S.

I recall my son had tantrum issue around the same age. I believe it has to do with the fact that they couldn't use words to express themselves yet which frustrate them a lot. The tantrum issue was a lot better after he was better able to express himself at around 18 mo. old. One thing you might want to try is to diverge her attention. Good luck and hang in there!

C.

Hi L. L--
The first thing I would like to say is to relax. You have not lost your happy and laughing daughter. It sounds like she is responding normally to her biological growth clock (sometimes called 2 year old tantrum stage). Girls are often ahead of the typical age curve, especially when they are intelligent and generally advanced for their age. Her behavior is quite normal for this stage, although it can be alarming at times. I know its difficult to see the change, but it is a sign of development. With this in mind, know that you can't always order a quick stop to a tantrum, and your daughter can't either--once the emotion takes over. The best thing is to minimize your response, make sure she's safe, and allow her to regain her composure. If she sees that you are composed, it enables her to regain her own, after a few minutes. Do as little as possible to encourage the behavior (such as giving in). Set firm and fair guidelines, be consistent in love, and you will find that the tantrums diminish over time.

Most of all, enjoy your daughter!
Sincerely, Grandma C.

Hi! I have a 19 mo. old daughter and she did the same thing. It was like one night she was all smiles and fun and the next day she started throwing fits for no reason. I think it's a normal thing and something they will grow out of. We have chosen to show her that we don't like that behavior but we don't actually discipline her, just show our disappointment. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I don't think it's an exact science. Try not to worry too much about it and focus on the positive things she does to help reinforce the good things. Hope this helps. I'm also a first time mom at the age of 35. If you want to talk or looking for a play date, my daughter needs another girl around her age to play with. (She only has boy cousin her age). Email me at ____@____.com

Do not ignore those episodes. She needs to know that that behavior is inappropriate. Put her in time out or take her favorite toy away. She just needs to know that acting out that way is not good. it can get worse and even yet, what if she did that at a restaurant. You'll really feel embarassed yet! I have a 5 year old and a 4 month old, both boys. And that is simply unacceptable behavior. Just know that she's testing you to see how far she can take it and believe me, they know how to push your buttons. Good luck!

hey there, have you heard of "happiest toddler on the block" by dr. harvey karp? he's got some great tips. i recommend the dvd, as opposed to the book. my daughter is only 4 months, so i haven't tryed his tricks yet, so it'd be great to hear whether or not it worked if you do try it out. good luck!

M.

Pick her up, put her somewhere by herself where she can thrash around (on a pillow or something), tell her to come out when she's done, walk away. If she comes to you and is still crying put her back. She can be unhappy and express herself but she can't make everyone else miserable. She will grow out of it eventually so just hang in there! Oh, and I like what someone said about using the pack n' play. It works great for kids who wont stay put until they are done. Just make sure you don't use it exclusively for time-out and don't give her any toys to play with while she's having a fit. Also, make sure she doesn't get her way after her fit or she might think it works and keep it up. If you said she can't have something then DON'T give it to her after her tantrum, NO MATTER WHAT.

Best Wishes,
E.

Because at this age they don't have the words for their feelings or maturity to control their emotions I would start talking about them. Your example with grandma she could say" I see you don't want to go in the house, You like to be out side with grandma".Start letting her know what you see her feeling. She'll start to understand what is going on. Use every opportunity to talk about feelings. Try to be one step ahead of the tantrums ready to talk through them. Once shes to deep into it she won't be able to hear. If my older child has something the younger wants and she would just lose control grabbing and screaming to get it. So I would say "wow it looks like you really want that". Lets ask James nicely ,and I would ask for her, " James can Malia please have that toy?" Thank you. This models how to do it for her. If she shares with someone by giving something point it out. " I see you sharing ,thats so nice". If you share with her say it. "we are sharing ". For the last 6 or 8 months I've been working on "cooperation" with my almost 3 year old. I prepare her when we get to the park before leaving the car that I want her cooperation when mommy says it's time to leave. No kicking or screaming or we won't come back for a while. I ask her "do you understand" instead of "okay". They imply different meanings. I havn't had a tempertantrum leaving the park in months by doing this. She has learned what cooperation means.When we leave the park I thank her for cooperating. I point out to her when she dose cooperate, like getting dressed for bed, how happy it makes mommy when she cooperates. At your daughters age I'd say talking about feelings is an all day thing every day because it takes time and repition to gain understanding of this complex part of being a human. It's amazing how fast little ones learn though. Have fun with it. I hope this is helpful. Best wishes, R.

Patience is the key word here. My son was doing the same thing, so I tried a few things. First, I gave him more time. If he threw a fit when I tried to put him in the car seat, for instance, I just let him play in the car. About 3-5 minutes later, he was ready to sit on his own. At this age, I think they are frustrated that things move at an adult's pace and not their own. Your daughter was probably upset that instead of letting her walk into the house at her own pace, grandma wanted her in the house at grandma's pace. So, take the extra minute or two minutes and let her get things done on her own. It will be a lot less time than dealing with the tantrum and your daughter will feel a sense of accomplishment. Books which have helped me a lot with my son is Playful Parenting and also Positive Discipline for Toddlers (and especially the one for Preschoolers). The other tool I found handy at this age was to give my son a long hug if he was having a fit. Mostly, he was feeling needy and upset, so a long hug got rid of the tantrum, even if the tantrum started because he was doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing and I stopped the behavior. I still gave him a hug and his attitude changed right away! best of luck to you!

Ahh...I am 30 first time MOm to a 2 year old. Tantrums are rough, but hang in there. The best thing that I have learned is to ignore the tantrum....if you pay attention to it they only get worse. I hope it gets better. My daughter started the terrible twos early and things are getting better. Time out works wonders for us.