15 What to Do....

Since he is interested in ROTC and the military, you may want to set up a meeting for him (and you or his dad) with a military recruiter. He is too young to enlist or sign up, but maybe seeing what they do and hearing from them what he needs to do to get accepted into the program would give him the kick in the pants he needs. I think it would really motivate him, if not to do well, at least to do well enough to graduate. They look at grades and GPA when you apply to be in ROTC or go to the Academy. The military wants the finest men and women to be their officers. They don't just take anyone. Perhaps he doesn't know that. He needs to hear that from a recruiter though, because he probably won't believe anyone else. I'm glad he has these aspirations- it will give him focus and help give him the drive he needs to make it to graduation. If you don't have an ROTC program/recruiter nearby, you could always take him to see a National Guard or Reserve recruiter. Best wishes!

K.
I had a very similar situation with my son, now 14. We had all the meetings and what nots, he was even getting in trouble in school. Come to find out he was really bored. The school ran a few tests and he was working at a higher grade level, yes gifted. We thought we had it all worked out when his grades became what you might call unacceptable. Grounding him didn't work, taking away video games didn't work. I tried it all. Come to find out, he was being made fun of because he was so smart. I guess at this age it isn't "cool" to be smart. I wouldn't take to drastic of measures, he may just be adjusting and he has to do that at his own pace as frustrating as that may be. I think you will find in time he will wake up. As my son says "I am expressing myself". Honestly I wish he would find a different approach. Good luck!

I have had experience in this over and over and over. Sending him away with just cause resentment now and later in life. You need to stand over him, on top of him and whatever else. Secretly keep an eye on his every move. Don't yell, but check with him and his teachers like everyday. Have the teachers write down what the assignments are or have him write the assignments in an notebook, then have the teacher initial it so you know that this is the complete homework. Check his homework every nite with the assignments that are written. Show him that you are not leaving, he's gonna have a warden on his butt and that warden is going to be you. It will be hard on you but it is something that your child needs. My stepdaughter and my oldest son gave me ALOT of practice in this situation.

K.,
Check into the Ohio Virtual Academy and homeschooling. Their website is www.ohva.org and it is a public charter school so it is all free. It requires 5 hours per day, but in the high school much of it is student-led. They stipulate constant progress, and subject mastery, but if he hates school, this might help him.
Best wishes,
K.

I agree with Linda that the reason this is going on is in your son somewhere, it may just take some digging to find it. Even as children, we need to learn that sometimes we must do things we don't necessarily want to, even if it means tailored it a bit so it fits our personality better. If home-schooling or online schooling would work, that's great. I think a military school would work only if he seems to be having difficulties in other areas such as self-control or attitude, because if that's the case then some extra discipline may be in order.

I just wanted to comment on Beckys reply. I amglad to hear it all worked out for you. My brother also hates school and will complain of headaches to not go to school. What Becky suggested sounds good. You can not make people do things they dont want to. And now a days a GED is as good as a Deploma. In the past like the 80s or befor they was no good but todays living it is as good as anything. You child can get the GED and start going to school for something they want to do. Thanks Becky for the info I will use this as well. Good luck K..

Try talking to him about what he would like to do after school(I mean after he gratuates) I know that my brother was the same way and my parents finally looked into a vicational school. The great oaks I think it is called and my brother liked donig engineering stuff. The school is mostly all hands on. They have all different catigories you can look into. They way you learn is by doing it,like say you want to run a green house, at this school you make your own green house run it and learn the buisness side of it to. There is not a lot of book work involved. Anyways my brother could not stand all book work all day he just hated it but once my parents sent him here he loved it and gratuated(he would of never gratuted from regular school) and now he is an engineer. That could be your sons problem, he just doesn't learn by always doing a bunch of book work and if that is the case then military school won't help him it will just make him more mad at you for sending him there. Good luck

Hi K.
I too have had a problem with my 16yr old, just like the one you explained. I had to sit back as a parent and ask myself have I done everything I possibly could? I went to conference with his teachers. They did express high school is a lot different now and the transition can be diffilcult with all the requirments. I went a step further and took my son to a psychiatrist. He does have a form of ADHD. Before sending this child away, I would suggest a trip to a doctor to find out what is going on and why the behavior changes. You tend to see alot more children in depression now a days. All we can do as parents is love our children no matter what and give them the support they need during these trying times.
D.

I have a son who did the same exact thing. He was very smart, played baseball and just gave it all up. Hung with people that didn't have a whole lot going for him and he barely graduated.
I know some just learn the hard way and I was one of them myself. Anyway, today he is 21, has a 6 month old daughter and is checking in to going back to school though it will be a rough road for him. It is hard to watch but to this day, I regret I didn't pull him out of school or move him to one such as the military school because they had to perform to be given privileges (however you spell that) such as coming home on weekends, etc. I think it would have really been good for him and would have given him a challenge and he probably wouldn't be where he is today. He's not going to tell you he wants to go to Military school but someday, he may come back and be thankful you did send him. It's a hard decision but it's also hard to watch them float through life without any dreams or plans for their future and scraping to enjoy life other than buying things their daughter needs to survive. Good luck

K.,

Don't look at it as failing! People are different.

My son never got into drugs, alcohol, sex, or crime, but he hated school and refused to do any homework, ever. He would get good grades on his tests, so he knew the material, but he just would not conform. At 17 he only had enough credits for tenth grade.I had taken everything away from him, too, but all it did was make him apathetic. There was nothing else to take away. Counselors were of no help. It was ruining our family life and our relationship.

So I finally said, forget about what people will say, I love my son, so why keep hitting your head against the same brick wall? I told him there was no sense in continuing to do the same thing, so I withdrew him from school, he took his GED, passed with a high score, and life went on and we all lived happily ever after! Yes! He is 28 now, a journeyman diesel mechanic and going to college for a chemistry degree! He's happily married and is a wonderful dad.

I wish I would have done it sooner for him! A GED is just as good as a diploma! Don't let anyone, not anyone, belittle him for a GED! In the grand scheme of life, what does it matter unless you're going to an ivy league school, and then you have to start with the right preschool.

My daughter hated school but for different reasons. She was an excellent student, but had a social phobia or something, so I withdrew her and homeschooled her for a while. Then she took her GED, passed with a high score, and started college at 17. She is graduating next semester with a teaching degree.

MY third and last child, couldn't stand the immaturity of the kids in high school either, At 16, same thing, withdrew her, GED, and she started college. She is working toward a hospitality management degree.

All my kids are doing great and are socially active with church, hold down a job, etc. Some people think that kids must stay in traditional high school until the end, but why? My kids had all passed the Ohio Graduation tests, so what was the point in getting more credits? They wanted to get on with life.

It must be something in our genes that we all inherited, because I, too, quit school at 16 because I couldn't stand the immaturity and cruelty of my peers, went to night school, and graduated at the same time as my class. I am now working on my PhD in education.

So relax, love your son, and enjoy his company. Even if he just barely passes his tests or the GED, or has to take it more than once. That's okay. Just keep moving in the right direction even though it's a different path than the norm. As long as it's a positive move/path/direction, it doesn't have to be just like everyone else. He's only 16 and maybe he is just on a different time frame than everyone else. (I'm not saying let him be a loafer. You have to have the talk that if he gets a GED and is done with high school, he has to work full time or part time and go to community college or whatever you decide. Community college is a good way for them to get the feel of college. Don't be alarmed, though, if he struggles a bit with this. My last daughter withdrew from 2 of her three classes the first quarter, one from her second, but made it through all of them the third quarter. Her grades vary from A to D, but she is making progress overall.)

B.

I know you said you didnt want to think about Military school, I didnt either, but the problems started with my 15 yr old, he flunked EVERYTHING, was getting into trouble, and was just in general disinterested, Once he Turned 16, I was told about an ABSOLUTE Awesome Place called the Bluegrass Challange Academy I thank GOD for them every single day!, my son went there, it was no cost to us, ( because of course we wouldnt have been able to afford to send him) but they dont require any money for the boy/girl to go, My son is now 17, he graduated from the academy with his HS diploma, and a Trade, AND a whole new attitude, it was a complete 360, they are funded by the army, but they do NOT Run the kids into the ground, and they teach them things that they will need in life. This boy who was so surly, and failing everything, now says Yes ma'am, no ma'am to everything, and is in an apprenticeship for welding. I know its not something you really want to do, but if i didnt 100 % believe in the BCA, i wouldnt be telling you about it.

I don't have teenagers, but I remember being one and high school was rough. I was actually a good student but there were days that I hated it! I don't think that military school is the answer, unless you want your son to be a soldier??? I think that you need to try to open the lines of communication and make them as non-threatening for him as possible. Are there other things in this child's life that he succeeds in?? Does he play music, sports, etc.?? Ask him if he feels that he may be depressed? Ask him what's different about high school as opposed to middle school?? was he a good student before?? If it's true that high school is 100% the students responsibility (which I disagree with somewhat -- I kind of think that those teachers are passing off their responsibility), but if it is his responsibility, then he should have some choices. Find out what his options are and see what he would rather do. The woman who said that her children all got their GEDs early makes a good point. Some children aren't cut out for traditional school. Help him find where he fits...that's one of the hardest parts of growing up, do you remember?? I do. I don't say that to criticize you at all because I'm sure that I would be grounding and yelling and frustrated too, but that's not working so let him know that you're going to treat him like an adult and see how that goes. Good luck to all of you!!

I agree with the teachers. School should be 100% the child's responsibility by the time they reach High School.
Given that, I would try a sit down interview with the boy and try to find out what the problem is. I think school tries to make all the kids fit into a common mold, and some kids just don't fit.
I don't know what the requirements are in your state, but in Ohio, you can home school, or enroll your child in an online school. I know people who have done both and their children seem to be succeeding.
Most kids go through a stage where they want to be different, assert their independance or rebel, but usually they want to succeed in life in spite of themselves. If you can't get anywhere with face to face meetings, you might try a counselor or other impartial third party.
That kid you love is still in there, you just have to look a little deeper to find him.

Have you tried sitting down and doing homework with him? I know you shouldn't have to "babysit" him, but initially that is what it will take. Also, was he like this last year? If so, maybe you should try being stricter. If not, maybe he is just having a really hard time adjusting to high school. Maybe he is being bullied. He has to have a reason for not liking school. Is it too hard for him? Is someone bothering him? Especially if you are talking about a kid who hasn't had problems before this. I'd try counseling before military school. I am a teacher, and I do believe that every kid has a point where they can be reached. I am just trying to figure out if this is a new or an old problem. Good luck!
P.S. How is he able to skip out of the tutoring? Who is there to hold him accountable? Where does he go when he skips? If you are working, it sounds like he needs a babysitter.