15 Month Old Pitching Fits Because He Can't Get His Way! What Do I Do?

I love the love and logic way of parenting. www.loveandlogic.com

Sorry I can't type much right now...got one of my younger ones in my lap. Anyway, L&L is wonderful! Good luck!

I have experienced this. Whatever you do, do not give him what he is screaming for or reward him in any way for unacceptable behaviour. He needs to go to "time out" for at least 3 - 5 miutes when he pitches his fits. He want to be "boss" and you have to establish that you and hubby are the leaders and "bosses" in your home. Mine would actually scream until she threw up. I took her to the DR and he advised me that she was smarter than I. He said to leave her in her bed, change her clothes and bedding with her in the bed and then walk out of the room. Her fits was about going to bed in her own bed. Then when I took the bottle away she would go to the fridge and beat it with her fists and scream. I had followed my instructions from the DR and just let her scream. I had thrown all the bottles away. When she could ask for some juice nicely I would give her about 1/4 cup in her sippy cup. Strong willed children can be difficult but she turned out wonderfully. She was never deceitful and I always knew what she was thinking as she would certainly tell it. As a teemager she was mouthey but never got into trouble, finished college and is now a teacher. Sometimes these strong willed children can be quite a blessing. V.

"How to Make Your Child Mind, without Losing Yours" by Dr. Leman is a good source. So is "Love and Logic" by Jim and Charles Fay and Foster Cline...there is a series. This is the absolute BEST way to parent. It is hard for me and counter-intuitive--so I have to keep reading as my gang of four grows (they are 13, 11, 7 and almost 2) This form of discipline relies on natural consequences to behaviors and choices--and the parent loves the child through this---but does not interfere. No one is too young for that.

The basic idea is that at three and four a child knows whether or not they are cold. If they don't take a jacket once, they will remember the next time. A child of five can chose bathtime between now and in fifteen minutes, but you have taught them to make a decision. It is important as they reach their teens. Good decision making has to be taught because you cannot always be there. (If your little one is removed from the table for throwing food--eventually he will get hungry and STOP the behavior on his own.)

You cannot give in. A fit pitched while eating means removal from the meal. He is not picky, he is upset about not getting his way. There are indeed things he should not play with--and you have to protect him, regardless of how he acts.

You have to be strong, and that is hard, because he is your baby--love him enough to make him behave and be socially acceptable! Those books help. Give them a try!

There is a GREAT book called BOUNDARIES WITH KIDS, by drs cloud & townsend that will make this and upcoming issues SOOOOOOOO much easier to manage. You can get it on Amazon or Barnes & Noble. They even have copies from discounted sources!

Hang in there! You have a healthy, happy independant kiddo there... L.

I think, instead of discipline, focus on discouraging the behavior by making it completely not worth it. Of course, this means NOT giving in and giving him his way. You can say, "That is NOT the way you ask. You say 'please may I'. If you continue to have this fit, you will need to go to your room to have it because I don't want to see it." I used to take my daughter to her room when she threw fits saying, "When you calm down and feel like talking, I'll be here." Basically, teach him that the fits are counterproductive to getting what he wants -- if you give in, it teaches him that fits get us what we want and encourages that behavior. As far as the food thing, you could start talking to him before you feed him and telling him what you have in mind. Take input -- but ultimately YOU get to choose what's for lunch. Fits result in the end of mealtime. Pretty soon, he'll figure out that, if he wants to eat, he needs to behave. It will not hurt him to delay a meal by a little while so don't worry that your kid's gonna starve or anything like that. Good luck -- they all go through this -- and more than once usually!

Sounds like he is expecting you to do something. I know this age is horrible, but he must, on a continuing basis, be told "NO". He is wanting more attention also. Sometimes the dad doesn't give him as much attention as he needs. They should go for a walk around the block each day. Also, If he doesn't eat, make sure that he doesn't get anything else until he ets what's in front of him. Show him you and husband eat what's in front of you. Discipline him? Won't work, except for above. At 15 months they are trying their independence - have to be shown that they can't do what they want. Show that parents can't always do what they want. KEEP on doing it. If you do it 1 day, not the next, he gets confused. Also, get him checked medically - he could have an ear infection, autism,etc.

BA,
There is a great book that talks about normal behavior during the first three years of life. It is called Touchpoints by T. Berry Brazelton. He is a pediatrician of many years. He says that this is totally normal behavior...that after the age of one, children are struggling with their emotions and how to express them. He says that much of this type of behavior should be ignored. It is a great book and gave be lots of reassurance with my own daughter and her behaviors.

One of the great things in motherhood is the older our children get (and we ourselves), the less we remember about the terrible (almost) 2s and 3s. Your mother, no offense, obviously falls into that. Because believe me, with 7 kids, someone had to act this way, if not all, at some point. It's just part of growing up. Kids will test your boundaries and see what it takes to get you to give in. Even though your little angel is young, he is smart enough to figure out what it will take to get you to give in. He is also trying to express his feelings and this is just the only way he knows how, at the moment. Don't worry, because you are not alone. Most of us moms have gone through this or are experiencing it now. You got some good advice on here so far. You will figure it out. Good Luck!

I know you've already gotten a lot of good advice, but I had to respond to your post. My son was exactly this way. He is very strong-willed. He's almost 2 yrs old now, but he started throwing little fits to get his way when he was around 15 months old or so. I remember being shocked at the sudden-ness of it! I simply introduced time out at that time. My husband and I have a set place downstairs for time out and a set place upstairs. My mom told me she thought he was too young to understand time out, but let me tell you--they're smarter than we realize at such a young age! My son definitely caught on quickly that time out meant having to sit still in one place (and he can't STAND to be still!). I'm very glad we introduced time out when we did. He understands it very well now and just the mention of time out will usually result in better behavior these days. The way we do it at this stage, still, is to put him in his time out spot (we use a corner instead of a special chair or anything so that we can do time out at pretty much any location--even at playground)...then we make him stay in his spot until we count to 90 or 120 (closer to 120 now since he's 2 yrs old). If he gets out of his corner, he gets put back there and the time count starts all over again. It's a lot of work sometimes, but it's worth it because eventually he realizes we mean business. After the set time is completed, we'll come get him and tell him time out is all done and then explain to him why he got put into time out (ex. "you were in time out for hitting mommy. No hitting.) Good luck with finding a method that works for you! Oh, and by the way--my son still throws food on the floor at most meal times...I've decided to loosen up a bit in that area or I'll go insane. Gotta pick my battles...

Very normal behaviour. Some children just do it more or worse than others. Your son is learning about the world around him, the names of things, his wants and needs and when he throws a fit, it's because he can't express himself like we can already. That can be very frustrating for a child. You need to help him with his words and proper expression.

When he throws a fit because you won't let him have the remote, keys, etc-ignore it. Sounds easy right? It's not! lol It will take a good bit of strong will on your behalf not to give in. You tell him, that is not a toy for him and take it away. If he throw a fit, walk a way and don't speak to him till he is done. Or put him in his room till he is done and you can talk to him.

As far as meals....do you want to be a short order cook for the rest of your life because you'll fix him a different meal than the rest of the house? If you answer no, then he'll either eat what you feed him or go without that meal. It sounds cruel but it's not and he won't starve himself either. Or you could let him have a choice between 2 things for lunch but has no choice for dinner. If he throws food to the floor, tell him that is not how we behave at the table and put him in time out for 1 min. Nip it in the butt now or pay dearly with a spoiled like child later.

If he hits or pinches during a fit, tell him that isn't nice, we don't pinch and put him in time out for 1 min.

Just stand your ground and thing about how you want him to behave and act when he is 3yrs old-maners and well behaved or throws a fit when he doesn't get his way or you give him every thing he wants so he doesn't throw a fit. If you want well behaved, stand strong! You can do it!

Good luck!
S.

Yes, this is so normal. You can try to redirect that will often help. You can also start to let him make a few choices, such as between two foods or color cups/dishes - but at 15 months they won't really choose. Really I found that especially with the safety issues that sometime you just have to ignore it. If he is hitting or pinching find a safe place out of your reach to let hime have some down time.

Just to make you feel better, this behavior is very typical at this age. When my dd started doing this I would simply move her to somewhere she could truly hurt herself, away from walls, sharp corners, etc. and let her go at it. I would walk away and ignore the behavior. She usually got over it fairly quickly. As for the food, my first dd is the pickiest eater on Earth, we went through I phase where I fed her only bagels, applesauce, bananas, yogurt or cheerios, she is somewhat better now, but not much. My younger dd has just recently gotten completely off of baby food. And where before she would eat anything you put in front of her she is starting to become a picky eater. She slings food on the floor too and I really have no idea what to do about it. If I feed her the same food on a spoon she'll eat it, go figure. It is hard to remember as a first time mom that this too shall pass. The only predictable is about kids is that they are unpredictable and just when you think you have figured out how they tick something changes. I really learned to be more flexible after I had kids.
Good luck,
A.

Hi BA, I have 21 month old twin girls and it was around this time I started introducing time outs in the household. At this age, my first line was to quickly address the behavior (unless it was a minor behavior- then I would simply re-direct). I would first ask my child to stop, "no hit mommy" or "stop throwing toys". If that didn't work, then time out in a corner for 1 minute. When we are going to time out, I say "time out for hitting mommy/sister". After 1 minute (one minute per year) I go to my child, pick them up and say "Sophie, you were in time out because you hit mommy. No hit mommy. Hitting hurts mommy. Can you say you are sorry?" I would try to get her to sign "sorry". We watch the Signing Time videos and by this age, she could sign "sorry". Putting these 2 things together begins to teach them what sorry means. At 15 months, I would sign it with her (now all I have to say, is "please say you are sorry" and they always say "sorry mommy). Then I say "ok" and give them a hug and resume what we are doing before. As they get older, I added more complicated things such as "do you know why you were in time out?". Help them use their words if they cannot say it yet. My rule is consistency. We went though around one month of lots of hitting from one twin- through consistent time outs we have almost eliminated it. However, one behavior lessens, sometimes another one appears- don't get discouraged- it is totally normal. Some children push their boundaries more than others- that's ok- sometimes they are our most passionate ones! As far as tantruming- I typically ignore, or try to re-direct. Throwing food- we were pretty strict about it- we would firmly say "no throwing food- give the food to mommy/daddy if you don't want it" and then we help them hand the food they don't want to us- sometimes a time out if it repeated or was in anger. Sometimes we would just turn the chair toward the wall and make them face the wall in their highchair/booster for a minute. They don't throw food anymore, but we sure had to repeat this over and over and over for them to get it (and I mean over several months)! Figure out what works for you, but whatever method you use, just remember consistency is the key to correcting your child's behavior. Also, be patient and don't give up!! Just when you think they will never get it, they do! Best of luck!! F.

I think a lot of our moms have selective memories! Good for her if she had 7 who never acted like that! Anyway- my oldest son started the terrible 2's around 15-18 months.

ignore what your mom said, EVERY child goes through this type of stuff. you have entered the terrible 2s. Don't let um kid you terrible 2s starts way before the age of 2.

The best way to stop the tantrums is to not give into them and completely avoid the meal time ones.

The first poster is right, put him somewhere he can't hurt himself , like a pack n play and let him go at it. Do not give him what he wants and TELL HIM that behavior like that will not get it.

Meal time battles are ones parents always loose , so don't even go there. feed him something that you know he likes and leave it at that this is not really the time to get him to try stuff because you know it will only result in a fit.

He's at the age where he can eat what you're eating , have you tried making your plate and just giving him some off of what is on your plate? Sometimes them seeing that what they are eating is what you are eating helps.

As a mother of 3 I have had this experience. Most children will try this kind of behavior to get their way. Too often we give in to have peace in the home. He is beginning to want to be independent from you to some extent. Make sure he's getting enough sleep for one thing. Is he getting alot of sugar? It's common for children to act out because of a sugar high. Sometimes they act this way if they're bored too. I know you're home all day, but are you engaged with him are mainly busy with housework, etc.? Make certain he is getting enough of your attention. You are right to be concerned. Your are going to have to let him cry sometimes and pitch his fits. He wants your attention. Discipline is very personal and I don't know what you've tried. But a smart pat on the wrist or leg won't hurt him and it may let him know he can't behave this way. He definitely needs opportunities to socialize with other children. He will pick up positive and negative behaviors from them. You'll just have to reinforce your expectations to him. Lots of hugs and love are always in order. It will pass if you deal with it now. Hope this helps.