I have a 13 year old daughter who is is going into 8th grade. She is incredibly talented and mature, and she excels in school. We recently had a conversation in which she told me that she was starting to develop feelings for her (guy) friend, whom she used to take an extra-curricular class with. She has stayed in touch with him and one of the other girls in the class by texting. The other girl is 14 years old and the guy that my daughter "likes" is 15. I have met this boy a few times after the class, and I have read some of my daughters texts with him and the other girl, and he does seen very genuinely nice and mature--however, he is a 15 year old boy. I do trust my daughter very much and I know she can make good decisions. But of course, she is a teenager now.
Then, the boy invited my daughter and the other girl to a dance. My daughter is going to go, along with some if her other friends. I think it's okay because it's similar to a group date, but what advice can I give my daughter? What boundaries should I set? Is this too big of an age gap?
It's not too big of a gap.
I assume that there has been an ongoing conversation regarding love vs hormones, why sex at her age is not a good idea, etc., and if so, there shouldn't be a whole lot of extra advice needed.
so this is your 1st question on Mamapedia....
welcome.
I think you're creating an issue where there is none. A 2 year age gap is nothing. For some an 8 year age gap is nothing.
Either you trust your kid or you don't. Either you've done your job as a Mom & prepared her for life's issues...& on & on.
That said, I firmly believe dating should be held off until closer to 16. Group dating is fine, but skip the one-on-one....& let those kids be kids without the cloud of maturity, sex, & etc hanging over them. This should be the time for fun...not for drama.
& one more thought: high school is a span of 5 years of kids all together, not only in the same building, but in the same classes. Reality check: she will be hanging with older kids....until she's a jr/sr & she's the older one. :) Make your ground rules for dating, stick to them, & relax!
Ah, the dreaded teen years! I know have a 16 year old DD and although things have been great, I dreaded those years prior when she discovered boys! I did allow her to attend a group function however I was very cautious when boys were involved. It is fine if she meets the boys there (school function) but to actually go with a boy and another girl, I still was not very comfortable about that. My DD was very mature for her age as well. When she turned 14 I started allowing group functions where there were boys included. She started dating her boyfriend (well as they would call it dating) at that age. I would not allow them to anywhere else other than my house (WE WERE HOME) and she could go to her BF house (HIS PARENTS WERE HOME) and then slowly she started to show me she was responsible and she could be trusted. Now that she is 16 she is allowed to date because that is the age we agreed upon that was appropriate for dating. I have always told her BOOKS BEFORE BOYS and that as long as she kept her grades up she was allowed to date him. I was always afraid he would take her off focus as this does happen with some teenagers whose parents are not always involved. I think you are doing the right thing. Baby steps.... good luck!
I would think this is a normal and typical age gap for teen "attractions". Depending on birthdays, he could be just 1 grade ahead of her. So the gap isn't big by any stretch. If he were 17, that would be different - the maturation difference would be larger.
Have a conversation with her about the dance, about the date, about her expectations, about what she wouldn't want to happen, about what to say, etc. Critical thinking is important for her to be using, so you want her THINKING about how to deal with situations and make good judgements. When you know what she's thinking, you can lay out your expectations - when to be home, etc.
This blog post might help. http://momastery.com/blog/2014/06/11/conversation-save-te...
If you have a rule...then, tell her. Yet, keep conversations going !!
But, tell her dating takes place at age 25....
Just kidding!! Thirteen is young and she should not be alone w/ a 15 yr old !! No way in my book !
Most of my friends told their kids they could date at 18 and NOT before. Before age 18, they had to go out in groups. If they did go to a kid's house...The parent was called. The one time the parent didn't call to see if the adults would be home, all heck broke loose. Liquor was taken out,
somebody posted that the adults would not be home and about 50 kids showed up and broke down the front door. It didn't end pretty.
Never underestimate teens !!!
If you have a husband, let him help you set boundaries for your daughter. She may be mature, but she is ignorant about men and male sexuality.
We would all benefit from having frank, honest discussions with our husbands about male sexuality. Ask them the first time they looked at pornography? First time they pleasured themselves? And most importantly, how often they did this at age 15.
Have you had "the talk"? Does she know about safe sex and how to deal with peer pressure? Will she be comfortable talking to you if something happens or if she has questions? Does she have access to birth control? These are all the questions I would be asking myself.
Not at the moment. In the next year it will probably become too much of a gap for him. He'll start having more adult things going on in his life. Once he's driving full time he probably will drop her.
I'd let her know you're there for her and that she should show him in all ways that she has respect for herself. It's up to you to help her learn what that means to her.
