Hi Mamas! I have posted before about my 13 month old baby girl - I've been having sleep difficulties with her, which I put down to the fact that she doesn't know how to fall asleep without me (and the breast!) She used to wake once at night (around 3/4) but would go back to sleep after about 5/10 mins. (She sleeps in her cot most of the night). Then she'd wake again around 5am and for the sake of everyone's sanity I would take her into bed so we could all get a few more hours. The problem is now that the last two nights she has woken up and will NOT go back to sleep. The first night she woke at 3am and literally screamed her head off for two hours (we were there the whole time doing the PU/PD Baby Whisperer method (though quite imperfectly) - we don't do Cry it Out). And last night she woke at 2am and screamed for 3 hours!!! We are exhausted and I'm really beginning to despair because I would like to ween her by Christmas, but I just feel like it is going to be impossible. She is so willful now that she's older and I just feel like it's all my fault and don't even know where to start with helping her. My husband offered for me to go away for the weekend so he could try and transition her over (she really only feeds herself to sleep so the weening part is the least of my worries with her) but there's no way I can make him go through two nights like that all on his own! It's of course worse because she was really sick for a whole week just before this with a bad fever and was sleeping all the time - because of that I had her in bed with me - so I'm sure part of this is a reaction to that.....I KNOW that wasn't a good move, but she was so ill.... Any advice on where to start with this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
My son is 3 and has been sleeping with me since birth. I learned real quick that we all slept better and longer that way.
I say...don't fight it. Let her sleep with you...I know she feels safer and comfier with mommy near. Good Luck :)
I just want to throw it out there possibly taking her to the pedi to ck for a ear infection where u mentioned she had been sick. My first son now 4 always gets a temp with ear infections my 18 month old wakes up screaming in middle of night and never has temp with them.
Just a thought. I f my 18 month old wasn't up in middle of night i wuld never know he had a ear infection.
Good luck
The sense that I get from your post is that you are really ambivalent about what to do to get your daughter to sleep, and I think that, rather than the nursing, is the root of the issue. You have to think about what's going to be best for you and your family in the long run, and just commit to that. The Ferber method is really unpleasant for all involved, but it works, and your daughter should ultimately sleep better. However, if you don't want the crying, which I understand, there are certainly a lot of people who are pro-co-sleeping, and she probably would sleep better in bed with you (at least for a while). So, I would figure out what you want to do and do it.
As an aside, even though she's more willful now, you do have the advantage of your daughter understanding you. So whatever you decide to do, be sure to tell _her_ your plan. She might not like it whatever it is, but I found that helped a lot with my daughter.
Good luck. Remember, no matter what you do, nothing is permanent and she'll love you no matter what.
As far as Dad having you go away, it worked for me! My daughter would not go to bed! I used to get up at 5 to go to work, but couldn't go to bed until 11 when my hubby used to get home. She would not sleep and we couldnt have her crying as she had two older siblings in school. I was dead on my feet all the time. In Feb when she was about 15 months old, I went away from Sat am to Sun pm, she went to bed for him no problem. Around 8pm! OMG! I cried! I was so happy that I could start getting sleep again! Have faith. Take a night off. She is too used to YOUR way with her, she will switch if you are not there. Then maintain! Good luck!
Take your husband up on his offer, and let him let your daughter cry it out for just 20 minutes at a time before he goes back to her. My oldest didnt' sleep till she was 15 months old because I didn't let her cry it out. My older sister of 4 kids at that time is the one who convinced me that the method of not letting the kid cry was bad advise.
It took less than a week!!! go away and get some sleep! you can always return the favor.
Have you tried taking her to your chiropractor? Very often I find that after I adjust children, they calm right down and normally sleep better. I have treated numbers of families who's first visit was for their children not sleeping through then night. It may have nothing to do with back pain. When a child has been sick, it will very often cause a mild misalignment of the spine which then causes irritation to the nervous system. We frequently see reactions like your daughter's when this happens. Chiropractic care for children is very gentle, mostly just finger pressures. Chiropractors adjust their own babies on the day they are born. If your own chiropractor is not comfortable treating children, ask for a referral to a family or pediatric chiropractor in your area (chiropractors specialize like any other type of doctor).
Dr. E.
If she was sick its possible she has an ear infection now and you should rule that out first.
Night weaning in the family bed is very possible, and taking your baby into bed with you does not spoil them in any way -- it was not a mistake. My general rule in childrearing is that if it feels right, do it, if it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Here's an excellent article on night weaning an older baby -- http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp I highly recommend it. I've used similar methods, and it has worked very well.
Don't despair! Two nights of sleep disturbance doesn't fortell a new trend! If it did, my son should have been sleeping peacefully through the night the FIRST time he did that! lol He's not!
I breastfed my son too. I work from home, so I was able to begin weaning during the day, meaning, instead of nursing him down for his naps, I'd rock him or do whatever worked to get him down. I probably started with one nap at a time. OH, my son was also about 12/13 months at the time.
With so little nursing going on, my son eventually weaned HIMSELF, thankfully. For us it was very low stress, because despite the fact I'd WANTED to wean him, it wasn't neccessary in that I wasn't trying to meet a deadline (like going back to work or something).
As for the sleeping. Getting your daughter off the boob may help. It sounds like she sleeps for a good long time, so consider yourself lucky! My son woke up repeatedly at all the times he used to nurse until my husband and I let him cry it out for a bit. We didn't have total success, but it broke his habit of waking at certain times. He is now 18 months and we're still working on getting him to sleep through the night. It's one step at a time though. It's all a process. One thing may work for a while and then they'll surprise you with something new!
How much does your daughter nurse at this point? I wouldn't recommend FORCING her to wean if she's still on the breast a lot. It can be traumatic for both you and her!
Your husband can handle 2 days and 2 nights, I think that sounds like a great idea. If it doesn't work then you can check that off of your list of things to try. The break will be good for you. Your daughter will know you're not there and screaming/crying will not bring you to her.
As far as letting her cry, consider this; she is already spending hours at night crying. She is sleep-deprived as a result. My guess is you're concerned about the stress response during crying, but I'm not sure that is any more harmful than the cumulative stress from not getting adequate sleep. I know PU/PD works for some but it might be time to consider another method for your child. Every baby is different. My daughter sometimes needed to be left alone to settle; PUPD made her more stimulated and didn't work for us. I just want to mention also that sometimes you can tell the difference between a stressful cry and a frustrated, trying-to-fall-asleep cry. Maybe you would feel more comfortable letting her cry a bit (without you) if it was a tired cry vs. stressful?
Hi -
I feel your pain. I have 3 children and none have been great sleepers until around the age of 2. The baby (almost 12 months) is the worst of the 3 of them! She is also breast fed and ends up in our bed. She sleeps for about 20 minutes on her own. talk about exhausted!
I am just starting to read the No Cry Sleep solution. You could probably get it at the library. I suggest that book if you, like me, are anti crying it out. That never worked for me or any of my kids and I had used the no cry sleep solution with my oldest and it worked great.
Good luck weaning - I waited til about 2 when they understood what I was telling them about being too big for baby milk and it was a relatively easy transition. We read, rocked then Daddy took over from there. Nursing them before bed was not an issue for me, but I understand that every family is different :-) Are you weaning in hopes to help her sleep better at night? OR because you are both ready?
V.
I do not know if you are into alternative medicine but Acupuncture, CranioSacral Therapy and herbal remedies are very good for resetting the system after being sick. They are gentle and you do not need to go a whole bunch of times.
C.
PS: If you need help with referrals.....let me know
V., she won't go back to sleep when you take her into bed with you? I want to be sure I am clear on this.
i was going to respond, and may have before, that I let my kids come into bed with us, it's all about the sleep- and I know that they won't be doing this when they're older!!
You are exhausted, and your breast is tied to your child, but you think your husband can't handle this on his own?? Let him do this for you! What a gift! Get away, get a good night's sleep (or 2), and break the cycle of your daughter needing only you to go to sleep. You will build her confidence that she can handle transitions. I know you say you don't want to do cry it out, but it sounds like she is screaming for hours anyway. SO, you could try it. I agree with the other post that you must decide what you are going to do and absolutely COMMIT to it. The shifting things around is actually confusing for your daughter, although I of course understand why you change things when she is sick. Unfortunately, between that and the few extra hours in the morning, she is becoming used to sleeping or at least winding up in your bed. So when she wakes up and you don't put her in your bed, she reacts. Let your husband be in charge for 2 nights, and you may find a dramatic change in her behavior. If you aren't there as an option, she will adjust. It may not be the scream-fest if you're not there. Go for it!!
She may be teething and in pain. Have you tried giving her some tylenol?
I have a 17 month old who I am still trying to night wean so I unfortunately don't have much useful advice on that end! Your daughters sudden waking and screaming makes me think she could have an ear infection, especially following an illness. My daughter always reacted to ear infections this way... She wouldn't seem bothered until the middle of the night when the pain would increase maybe from laying down for a while. It could also be teething. Anyway I would get her checked out to make sure there's not something causing her pain before moving forward with any weaning. I wish you the best of luck! I know how exhausting it can be!
She's probably teething. That would explain the sudden waking and screaming for 3 hours. Get some Hyland teething tablets for her. Now, as far as getting her to go to sleep and stay asleep where is she sleeping? Does she have her own room? Or is she in with you? My now almost 2 year old used to sleep in the room with us. Not in our bed just in our room. That was until he was almost 1. After a while it seemed he woke for every little sound we would make moving around. We moved him into his own room and he's been sleeping beautifully ever since.
Also, my oldest (now 10) was a lay down to get to sleep kind of girl. I didn't break her of that until she was 3 though. I never wanted to let her sleep in our bed, but around the age of 1 she started the waking and not going back to sleep so I brought her in bed with us just to get some sleep. She thought it was play time. We had to break her of that though because just before she turned 3 I had our 2nd child and I was not going to have her in bed with us. We ended up having to put her in a makeshift bed on the floor in our room at night. Eventually we were able to move her into her own bed without too much trouble. I vowed never to do that again though. It's a battle of wills. Once you're certain she's not sick, or in pain you really need to put your foot down. How does she do for naps? Can she fall asleep without you laying down with her? If she can do it then, then she can do it at night. Get a good routine down at night. You might want to take your husband up on his offer. The weaning might be easier that way. And you don't know he might not have all the issues you are having when you are there.
Also, have you considered changing her schedule up a bit. Maybe she's just not tired enough at bed time. Or not tired enough to stay asleep all night. I had to take a nap out for my children around their first birthday. I still tweak my almost 2 year old's sleep schedule. Maybe an earlier in the afternoon nap. Not as long of a nap. Take out the morning nap and go down to one slightly longer nap. I forget what the recommended amount of sleep for a 13 month old is, but I want to say it's somewhere around 13-14 hours a day. So if she's getting that, but it's a good chunk during the day, then you definitely want to change that up.
M.
