My 13 month old daughter AKA "Miss Independent" wants to do everything by herself. She wants to brush her own teeth, feed herself (with a spoon) ect. The big problem is at mealtime. She has not quite yet mastered the whole spoon thing and makes a huge mess. When I try to feed her with the spoon she tries to grab it out of my hand and will not eat unless she is feeding herself. She does well with her finger foods, so I know that it is an independence thing. She also does not like her high chair. Any tips to make mealtime a little easier would be greatly appreciated ( this is my first child).
Thanks to everyone who took time out of their day to answer my question. I decided to try the two spoons thing along with a booster seat and it worked like a charm. My daughter did not mind me feeding her as long as she gave herself every other bite. At least now half of her food gets in her mouth instead of on my floor. She likes sitting at the table with Mommy and Daddy too. On a funny side note...she started something new last night at bath time. I was giving her a bath and she took the wash cloth from me and decided she was going to bathe herself instead. She even washed under her neck where she gets food trapped ( which kind of impressed me). I guess I need to get used to the fact that I am going to have a very independent little girl. Thanks again for the tips.
Enjoy is while you can. You could even let her sit on the floor to eat. A mess can be cleaned up right? My dd was exactly the same. Now she's 4 and insists that we feed her or she won't eat. This started after baby #2 was born 2 1/2 years after her. Good Luck! She won't be little forever.
My daughter was like this as soon as she could sit up. I would put a garbage bag or newspaper under her high chair, let her feed herself and pick up the mess and be done with it. It certainly freed me up to handle the infant I had when she was only 9-1/2 mos. old!!!!
It's hard to let them feed themselves at this age--but it's one of the best things you can do for her. Buy a plastic mat, lay it on the floor to keep the mess isolated, and hoser her off in the bath when she's done. And take pictures--you'll want to hold this over her head when she's 16. ;-)
It's great that she wants to do everything on her own, so don't discourage it! I know the feeding can be a mess, but let her do it. Put a plastic drop-cloth under her chair to make the mess more manageable for you. And if she doesn't like the high chair, consider getting a booster seat that can be securly strapped to one of your regular chairs, and also has buckles to keep her from falling out.
Have two spoons -- one for her and one for you. This has worked well for me. Then we each take a turn putting food in her mouth (likely more food will go in with your spoonfuls!). This is also a great way to start teaching about taking turns. I also do this with teeth brushing -- my daughter brushes first (really, she chews on it!) and then it's my turn to brush her teeth.
The best tip I can give you is - relax. Very few adult (women) make a huge mess when they eat. She'll get the hang of it.
Vinyl or tile flooring in the eating area is good, too. :)
Welcome to motherhood.
My suggestion is finger foods... if you have to take the tray off her chair and scoot her up to the table. You can buy a small vinyl tablecloth to put under her chair to make clean up easier. Take most of her clothes off, or have a special couple of shirts she can wear while eating.
I bought my boys small forks so they could poke their food instead of fighting with a spoon all the time. Just cut her food up in small pieces and let her eat, either with her fingers or her spoon/fork.
If she gets messy, she is washable. We had a little boy who lived with us when I was at home, and he was 2 and had no idea how to even begin to feed himself because his mom never wanted him to make a mess. It was sad really.
Enjoy the fun times.
My son was the same way. By the time he was 18 months old he was better than my older child with a spoon most of the time. For the highchair issue, bet a booster that attaches to your regular chair, that way she is at the table but still secure.
My children were eating by themselves at age 1. The kids in my Day Care eat at age one by themselves. I did not have sippy cups either. The kids will be messy until they get the hang of it and they will. Take Care G. W
At this age, I just let both of my kids feed themselves. My little one who is now 15 months even eats oatmeal herself with her hands. I have given her a spoon; however, she is not there quite yet. I would just let her eat with her hands and prepare for a mess, unfortunately. We try try to limit the amount of food we put in front of her - small portions. Additionally, I have a big bib that I use with sleeves. The only thing is she will rub food in her hair, so I just have to wet it and comb the food out. However, if I watch her and minimize the portions it helps to minimize the mess. I hate to tell you, mom, you may just have to let her make a little mess :) Good luck!
I have given my little girl her own spoon so she can try to feed herself, and then I will feed her as well. Not much gets in her mouth with her spoon but I feel like I am letting her learn while still getting food in her mouth!
Walmart has booster seats that you can place on your dining chair. That works for my 2 year old niece. Then give your daughter a spoon to hold while you are feeding her. It will distract her while you are feeding her. As a Montessori teacher, I use spooning exercises. Take 2 bowls and fill the left bowl with beans, have her spoon them to the other bowl. It's fun for children and teaches them a skill. You must supervise them since the beans are dry. Also you can use lima beans or just colored beads. This will be a play skill, which can be a practical skill for eating. Have fun!
Dear Michele:
You just described my daughter! At around 14 months in the space of one week she wouldn't sit in her highchair or booster seat, sleep in the crib or let anyone help feed her! It was a trying week until I changed my approach.
Instead of a crib we switched to a very low futon and a child gate for the room. Instead of a booster seat she just preferred to kneel on the chair. As far as meals, we had LOTS of finger foods, large bibs and vinyl tablecloths! Meals took longer, but I just brought something in to do while she was still eating and let her go.
It's messy and slow for a while, but your Miss Independent will be very proficient soon and at a younger age than other children.
My daughter just turned 14 and the independent streak continues. She's very mature, self-confident and a leader.
L. F., married to my best friend for 22 years, mom to a VERY independent 14-year-old daughter
I used the two spoon method: one for her, one for me. Plus, lots of finger food. Booster seat and seatbelt might help
This is a power play and all kids go through with it. You have several choices. Not all are the "right" one, and you can give her the spoon and let her sit in a "grown up" chair and all of that and not worry about it and she'll grow through it. Or you can decide this is an area you want to be in charge of and refuse to give her the power she is craving over her food. You have to decide what you can live with. The thing is, you have to make up your mind and then stick to your guns. You can't waffle back and forth. If you don't care if she sits in a chair, fine. Don't battle that. If you want her in her high chair because it is easier on you, then you stand firm about the high chair. Give her the power to choose the when for a while. "You don't want to sit in your special chair? Fine. When you are ready to eat, let me know and I'll put you in your special chair." Then let her tantrum or scream or go play or whatever. Ignore the situation. Put her favorite foods out and when she comes in, ask, "Are you ready to eat? Are you ready to sit in your special chair? Good! Let's go eat!" She will probably refuse until she is REALLY hungry. She'll come in and out of the room and she'll tantrum or scream (or not) but refuse the chair. Then she'll buckle under and sit in her chair to eat. This will go on for a few days until she gets that this is not an area where she gets to choose. The consistency is the key for making the tantrum go away and the acceptance come. If you feed her breakfast in front of the tv ONE TIME you will start the battle completely over. And you need to choose your day and just go with it for every bite of food she takes. She will not starve to death.
You handle the spoon the same way. Either give it to her and let her make a mess and let it go, or decide this is an area where she does not get to have the power. Whichever it is, you need to be consistent. If she won't take it on a spoon, she does not get it. "I'm sorry. This is food you must let mommy feed you." Prep her before hand. "We are going to have yogurt. You LOVE yogurt. But this is food mommy is going to feed you. Are you going to let mommy feed you? No? Then no yogurt. (Put it away or let her watch you eat it with great relish.) Offer a bite. "No, mommy feeds you or you don't get any. You don't want it? Okay, I'll eat it." This will enrage her for a while but then she will get it. The choice is hers...she eats it or she doesn't, but on your terms.
VickiS
I agree with what other people have been saying. Let her be independent. When my son was that age, he had to have a spoon in each hand at every meal. Then I would have another spoon to help make sure some of the food actually went into his mouth.
As for the high chair. Try one of the ones that attach to any chair. You can strap them in and then pull them up to the table so that they feel like a "big" kid.
put a towel under her chair (for the mess) and let her go for it. she'll figure it out
If she wants to do it, do not fight with her. Yes it will be messy, but as long as she is eating it will be more peaceful. She will eventually grow out of it...I think. My 2 year old has to do everything herself, and my 4 year old still asks for help. You want to teach them independence so they are not needy children. My 4 year old is just now getting to where he does not make a mess at dinner, he still uses his fingers instead of the spoon or fork, but we are working with him. Good luck
Sounds like my son when he was that age. I did the two spoon trick. I gave him one to hold and "feed" himself and then I shoveled the food in while he was busy feeding himself. He fought the high chair too, so we got a booster type that strapped to a regular chair and had safety straps to hold him in. We were able to push him to the table. I did have to tolerate a vinyl tablecloth during that period, because it was hard on the wooden table top. With brushing the teeth, I gave him one to hold while I brushed his teeth. If he was holding a toothbrush, he would usually tolerate me brushing his teeth if I was quick. Using the floride free toothpaste helped too because he liked the taste. HTH! Goodluck.
Just skimming the responses, it seems we all agree. It's time to let her! Yes, it's a mess for awhile but it gets easier as they get better at it. For your sanity, try giving her foods that are a little less messy, avoid spaghettios and other really messy things. Give finger foods when you know you don't have time to clean up a big mess after mealtime, but give her the other things when you do have more time. You can work on spooning activities to help her get better at it; put dry beans or cheerios in a bowl and let her spoon them into another one-if she is interested, she will play at this for a long time!
Replace the high chair with a booster seat that straps in, $15 at Wal-mart. Use 2 spoons so you can help her eat too. Use 2 toothbrushes. One for her to do by herself and hold and one for you to use. I make my daughter let me brush first then I tell her its her turn and she brushes them again.
It's good to foster independence in our children even if it is a little hard to do! My 2 year old is learning to change her own pull-up by herself now and it's making life a little easier!
My daughter is the same age and the same way! She does seem to be better with forks (I got some plastic take and toss). She will let me "stab" the food onto the fork and then she feeds it to herself (her stabing skills are improving quickly) If we are doing something that needs a spoon, I will let her help me guide it to her mouth.
