13-Year-old Won't Talk to Me About Feelings, School, Etc.

I totally agree with Wynne. When I want to get a good talk from any of my boys I get them one on one first. Usually a drive, or I ask them to help me cook dinner, or accompany me on errands or something. I tell them I know this is a big OH BROTHER moment for them, but that I am interested in what is going on with them, how their day was, did anything funny, weird or exciting happen in the day, etc. Sometimes it takes a while to get them started,(sometimes I can't get them to stop) or sometimes I have to give it a few attemps, the important thing is not to give up. I know they want to talk to me, but it feels weird, remember these talks when you were a teen with your parents? I would also tell him what you wrote, that you don't want to nag him or make him feel like you are invading his space, but you would really like to have some mother/son moments. We set rules that no matter what they say it will not be repeated, they cannot get into trouble (these moments can lead to confessions)and no judgement will be passed. If it is not the right moment, and you will know, just let it go and try again in a day or two. But really just remember, do not give up, it will happen. Best of Luck to you and your son!

I have an 11 year old that sometimes will not talk. The best thing for me to do after the usuall open ended, I am always here for you talks is to actually tell him an embarrising story of my childhood at that age or about something that happened to me or experiences I had at that age. After a few times of doing this, he started to share some of his stories and telling more of his everyday life. Just recently he told me that he likes talking to me. What a wonderful feeling. He no longer feels that I am invading his privacy and feels like, oh, mom did go through this or she can understand. It's worth a shot. Good luck to you, I wish you the best.
~M

This may sound weird, but I was a troubled youth and had trouble taking to my mom (she was a single parent, too, from the time I was 9). She sent me to a councelor (someone she trusted) because she thought it was important that I talk to SOMEONE - even if it wasn't her.

Well, it worked! A coupl eof times with the councelor and I was able to start talking to my mom (although, that wasn't the agenda of the councelor - we talked about me, primarily)

I highly recommend it if you aren't having any luck.....
Good luck and remember to trust the tools you have given them....

I also have a 13 yr old who doesn't like to talk and he is a bedwetter. It has costs me alot of money trying to do programs to get him to stop wetting the bed. I have finally givenup. But he is loving to me and he seems to be doing better with that and asking me if he can do something. I guess we have to start somewhere, babysteps. he is the one when I am having a bad day that gives me hugs now! He will sit and watch tv with me too. He is a sweet kid. I figure if he wants to talk to me he will. I also give him male friends to whom he can talk to if he just needs a man to talk to instead of mom.
D.

Hello,

It's tough enough being a single mom. We try to be mom and dad and something can get lost along the way. My son, who is also 13, had a hard problem opening up and telling me about his day too. I felt so left out, but tried my best not to take it personally. Easier said than done. Like all the other ladies talked about, getting him alone is really important and talk about what he wants to talk about first. Before you know it, he sees that you really are interested in every part of his day and he will talk so much you'll go nuts because you can't turn it off!!! :~)

Good luck, hon.

Well you could start by letting him know how important it is to you. when i want my son to tell me whats up i'll start by telling him something that happened to me that day that bothered me. it makes him feel important that i can turn to him in a time of need. its silly i know but when i open up to him he opens up to me. i dont know if that is much help but thats what i do with my son. good luck

I would also agree with Wynne and Shari. Something else you may want to do is set the tone to begin the conversation. You may want to do something like go for a drive with just him and play one of his CDs for him. My thirteen year-old seems to enjoy my undivided attention and not having his younger sister and brother around. Even if we aren't really talking about anything he likes his alone time with me and when I look at him and smile when he is jamming out to his music in mom's minivan. I think that is projects and open minded relaxed atmosphere and even if I don't get much response when first initiating conversation, he seems to think on it and then restart the conversation with something to say.

I know all kids are different and being a single mom is the hardest job in the world, I did that for six years and after that I felt like I could accomplish anything. Don't give up on it, kids really pick up on that.

Hope this helps.

M.