12 Year Old Girl Swearing!

Maybe you could try a swear jar? Where she has to deposit money in it every time she swears in front of her sister? And all the money goes to buy her sister a trip to the toy store? :-)

P.S. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who isn't going to freak when my kids start swearing. :-)

You need to be realistic about this. Kids get to an age where swearing is cool and just what they do. They need to understand that there is a time and a place for everything. They need to pay attention to who is around them and be respectful of others.

I told my boys, "Look, I know you're going to swear. Here are the rules: Don't swear at school or in anyone's home. Don't swear around adults or kids who are younger than you. If you offend anyone, apologize and don't swear in front of them again."

This is actually an excellent teaching moment. There is a time and a place for everything we do. We might swear at home, but we don't at work (or vice versa). Kids have to learn it sometime and it's better learned from you than sticking your head in the sand and pretending they're not going to do it.

Dear A.-

Crazy as it sounds, when my eldest was about this age he dropped the *F* bomb. I had him make a list of ALL the words he could think of that meant the 'same' thing (with some help from his sibs and me) and we posted it on the fridge (after much laughter AND some embarrassment on his part). It remained there for some years (and several more children) til a 'new' list was needed...lol

Needless to say, all of my kiddos have a very BROAD vocabulary!!!

Best luck!
michele/cat

Yes, they know bad words by this age and they use them. Trying to keep her swear free is like trying to stay germ free.

Just teach her how serious you are about her language and appropriate times. She can learn some control.

I had a real bad potty mouth when I worked in the dealerships. I was around technicians and salesmen. I knew when to watch my mouth and what was appropriate.

Best of luck.

She just needs to learn when it is appropriate and when it isn't, like we as adults should know. If she does it at school or an activity, she could get in big trouble, I'm sure if you explain those consequences to her (like suspension from school or being kicked out of whatever she likes to do), she would see that she really does need to control it at certain times, and around her sister is really good practice for that. You could also try a small punishment for cursing around her sister or other inappropriate places, like a dollar every time it happens.

If the only issue you have is with her using certaain words in front of her sister,then just tell her that it's ok for her to use those words, just not in front of her sister. Make it a "you're old enough but she isn't" privilege.

When my daughter started using choice words, I told her she was only allowed to use them if she did so correctly. She had to know exactly what they meant and use them in a grammatically correct manner. I also made sure that she understood that there were times and places away from home where using them could get her in trouble.

At 12, I would tell her she needs to be very careful. If she keeps it between herself and her friends if the she is not labeling anyone else with swear words, I would not have an issue. She needs to have the maturity to realize like Christy Lee said, you don't ever swear at school, in front of adults, in other's homes, or in front of kids who are younger than you.

If you're relaxed with her using them, 'doesn't really bother you' that she listens to music with swear words, 'don't mind much if she swears when she's alone or with friends' then you should expect her to use them...period. It becomes vocabulary and habit.

I went on a field trip with my 10 year old and it was a huge wake up call on the swearing!! Most kid's swear at this age, they just don't do it in front of adults!! So I would do what Kristie said and make this a teaching moment. Tell her you know she swears and it's just not appropriate around her sibling and adults. Tell her that she does have the control to make the right decision about when it's appropriate or not.

Good luck!

i just went through something a little similar ..my boyfriend's 7 year old would use swear words..he was going to a private french school and the kids there are swearing and punching each other in the privates and other awful things..We switched him to my son's school..and have seen a huge improvement! As for the swear words..since he's so young maybe it was easier...i also have a son..he's 6..the 7 year old was using swear words so i told the kids this.."every time you say a bad word, a fairy dies..and then you get less chances when you grow up for your wishes to come true" ..then i added ..."if you say "sorry fairies" then the fairy comes back to life and everything is ok" They actually believe this..even though the 7 year old doesn't believe in Santa anymore..he believes the fairy story..instead of punishing i usually talk it out...i ask them..."do you know how ugly it looks and sounds when a child says bad words?" "why do you think they are called.."Bad Words?" and have them explain to me..
"i have talked about being trashy...or classy...and explained exactly what that is..with a little girl...i would ask..."do you think it looks and sounds beautiful when you say these words?" most girls would like to be pretty..whether they physically are or not..saying bad words then makes you ugly from the inside...stuff like that..
i've really had to do a lot of work with my boyfriend's son..its been a rough little road but by being kind to him and talking things out..he has really started to behave better..he was a nightmare..his french school wanted to kick him out..and when he arrived at my son's school they were already freaking out b/c he wouldn't listen and was problematic ...sometimes just being kind and sweet is a better way to lead children..i told his teachers if they want him to listen they just have to say his name and then add "honey or sweetie" like Ben honey...can you bla bla bla...and when they do do this he totally listens and behaves....SO..i would talk to your 12 year old..i would go as far as saying.."look i was 12 once..i know you're too cool for school lady..but listen..saying bad words doesn't make you cooler..yeah so you know bad words and yes you're saying them..just makes you sound trashy and like you're trying to act older but if you were really acting older you would be wise enough to know that bad words are just that..bad...and they just lower you to a lower class level."

anyway..good luck..try the fairy story with your 8 year old..and since your 8 year old is witnessing her older sister and tattling ..i think that is a good thing..she is learning that she does NOT want to be like that..she wants to rise above that.

xo

D.

I know that my SS swears a lot when he's not here. However, we've made it clear that while an occasional word can be overlooked, his swearing like he's with his buddies or using the F word is not acceptable. Even before we had the baby, DH took him aside and told him he needed to stop it. DH simply said it wasn't cool or funny and wasn't going to be accepted here. Even SD had commented that SS needed a thesaurus.

I would simply tell her she needs to watch her language and if this continues, she will be facing a consequence. If she were 2, I'd just ignore it, but a 12 yr old is being deliberate and trying to be "cool" or something. If she wants that allowance, I wouldn't start it til her behavior complied or I'd fine her every time she swore. Then her money would go back to you.

a 12 year old girl using this language is totally unacceptable i would punish her and explain why it is wrong to use such lanquage,
i could confine her to her room for a whole saturday ( LOCKED IN )
i would make her wright out lines and set her essays on why it"s unlady like to swear