11 Yr Old

My oldest son didn't want to play sports, much to my husband's dismay. What did we do? We didn't make him play sports. He wanted to do band and Scouts and he excels at those.

If he's only doing sports to make YOU happy it's not a good thing. Some kids just arent into sports EVER. If you think he needs some exercise go take walks and frequent places that require a lot of walking, like the mall, zoo, museums, etc.
He might like playing a musical instrument much better than playing golf. He might be afraid to disappoint you by not wanting to do any sports, you shouldnt let that wall be built.

Why would you force him to participate in organized sports? I can empathize with him - I HATE any kind of formal sport, I simply don't enjoy doing it. That doesn't make me a couch potato, I love hiking, biking and swimming - just as long as it's not a formal setting.
There are many ways to help him be active and fit, I think if he tells you over and over again that he does not like organized sports, maybe you could consider listening to him and come up with an alternative...
Good luck.

Why do you want to register him for a sport? Just because he's a boy?? Why don't you sit down with him and find out what he's interested in - music?writing?acting? There is absolutely no reason to limit him to sports just because he's a boy, for goodness sakes!

If he doesn't want to do it don't make him. Our 11 yr old is not interested in sports at all.

My opinion - you shouldn't force him into sports if he doesn't seem to like them. I agree if he's the one that asked to participate in the sport, and he's already signed up and started it, he should finish the season out. That just teaches him about following through on your commitments. But if you want him involved in "activities", maybe give him some options other than sports?
There's music or art.
There's dance. (my husband who is an avid hunter & fisherman, very into manly things like playing football, hockey, baseball, cards with the guys, and watching nascar, took dance for 10 years as a child/teen... along with football and swim team. It can be just as much for boys as girls. And now as an adult, I love dancing with him!).
There's outdoor activities like hiking or fishing - so maybe boyscouts.
Some kind of summer camp that provides outdoor activities (like boating, hiking, archery) in an non-team, unstructured way.
Maybe science is his thing, or some other academic club activity.
There's church activities if you are active in some form of religion.
Or maybe you're on the right track with individual sports - maybe karate? swimming?

But make sure he knows that he won't dissapoint you if he chooses activities other than sports. Good luck figuring out what he's passionate about :)

Stop signing him up for things he doesn't enjoy doing. If you want him to play tennis and golf go try them with him for awhile.

Why force him? You are not the one playing, it's him. My son used to want to do a sport but then realized he really didn't care for it. No big deal.

Sports isn't a neccesity for a child to grow. Instead of forcing him into organized sports, how about you actually spend some quality time with him outdoors -- say go for a walk or toss the ball around or something?

Physical activities are important, but him being happy and healthy is also important.

if he doesnt want to do it why do it forget sports look for something else may art or music lessons

Even if he asks to sign up, if it is a sport that he dug his heels in and complained about going to last season, I would say no, you tried that last year, and then did not want to go. It's not worth it if he enjoys the idea of it more than the actual reality of it. It's easy for me to tell when it's time to be done. For us, we knew when our girls were done with soccer. What they liked was seeing what color shirt they got, playing with the grass on the sidelines, playing with their water bottles, going out for ice cream after the game, playing with their teammates, playing on the playground before and after the games. What they didn't like, PLAYING THE GAME OF SOCCER, paying attention to the game when their teammates were playing, and giving their best effort in games and practices, especially when it was hot outside. By ages 9-11, the most all the kids still playing, are the kids who like the actual game. When it became obvious this was not our girls, it was time to be done. We told them we weren't planning to sign up again and they were fine with that. It doesn't even have anything to do with ability, it's watching to see if they really enjoy participating and playing, or not. You can try something different this spring. Make suggestions from a list of individual sports such as the golf, tennis, swimming, etc. Or get him active in non-competitive physical activity such as rock climbing, bicycle riding, etc.

Our rule is that if you WANT to do something and I sign you up and PAY for it, you *better* complete the season without complaining! But if you really don't enjoy it, you do NOT have to do it again once the season's over. My son HATES team sports - so he does Karate. My girls also HATE team sports - so they do tennis and swimming. Maybe tennis or golf *would* be a good compromise, although tennis will get his heart pumping more than golf, if getting exercise is an issue. Plus in the long run, you can pick up a racket and play for an hour or two at free tennis courts in public parks. Golf, on the other hand, can go from expensive to super-expensive and takes HOURS to finish a round. But either one HAS to be something HE wants to do and is not being forced into. Maybe you could also offer him the options of swimming or karate - or some other individual sport which will help him keep fit and active without putting pressure to "perform" for a team...

We have a rule for the kids, they have to be in one sport and one music, no more an no less.

Studies have shown that music....yada, yada.

And studies have shown that physical exercise and activity for the health and welfare of your body....yada ,yada. It's important to learn these sports skills now when you have youth and vigor and time on your side.

If he's not competitive and doesn't enjoy team sports, I like your choices of golf and tennis. What about badmitton? Or karate? Or swimming? Or volunteering at an animal shelter where he can walk dogs?

Does he have a friend at school who enjoys a particular sport and he can go and observe? That might spark his interest?

When he starts Jr. High there will be non-competitive clubs to join, like hiking, sailing, etc.

I keep saying non competitive, b/c my whole family is athletic, including me. But I am the only one who doesn't care to compete. If I win once, then I allow the next person to win the next time. The coaches weren't fond of that approach. And I was really fast in track, and a good shooter on the court, but always felt bad for the losers. I'm nuts. It's so un-American.

Also, your son is exhibiting a lot of anger over something that should be a great time for him. Any reasons why?

"He is very bright and does very well in school." This is the key. He might be gifted, so you might want to have him tested for that. Most gifted children, not all, but most do not like sports or are not interested in participating in sports. I know this, because neither I nor my son likes sports...Hate to admit it, but that's just a common "nerd-like" trait about us gifted children. The more you push, the worse it will get. My son did let me put him into summer basketball, but didn't want to sign up again. I noticed that the activities he chooses have some sort of "thinking" involved. He did show interest in fencing, but we never got around to it. He does enjoy kung fu, which does involve a lot of memorizing and extreme stretches. He also likes doing devil sticks and poi...Hates soccer and won't touch baseball with a 10 foot pole. He does love to draw. The guidance counselor and I explained to him that he does have to join/do something to get into college, because they don't just look at the grades. He finally picked something and I nearly fell over, because I didn't expected it. He decided to learn the ukulele and play it in the school rock band. His school band is now the only proud band in the area with a ukulele player. It's a challenge, because he has to traslate guitar music into uke music. (Yep, it comes with the terratory...gift kids like a challenge and like to think.) My son is the proud owner of a Makala mahgony soprano ukulele and a Lanakai mahgony tenor accustic/electric ukuele. (Yes, I had to get him an amp for it.) My son showed the whole school that a ukulele is not a toy and can do heavy metal just like a guitar! By-the-way, I finally talked him into a good electric guitar...Electric guitars are a lot cheaper than a RISA solid body electric ukulele from Germany. (The guitar is an Ibanez artist series.) My son was allso in the solar car club. Unfortunately, his school isn't offering it this year.

The point is...each child is different. You've got to let your son take the lead as to what extracurricular activity he wants to do. Find out what he's really interested in. There's more than just sport, so if he's not sport oriented...It's ok. He could still be cool and be in band or art or martial arts or science clubs or language clubs or writing clubs, etc.

What DOES he like to do??? Focus on his natural talents and build into those. Also, like we all need to do keep physical activity in your house a positive thing...Walks, ride bikes, going to the park etc.

I was getting ready to be annoyed at you for trying to force him into sports, then I re-read your question and saw that HE asked to play... so my revised answer is: Help him find a hobby he does like- maybe he is more into art, reading, whatever. As long as he gets exercise, I wouldn't push organized sports. He can ride his bike, swim, just out playing with his friends and that should be good enough. I would make him finish the ones he committed to already, but when the time comes to register for more, don't let him. Remind him of his behavior when he WAS on a team. Find something else for him to commit to, and if he can do that then tell him you will consider allowing him back into sports.

I agree with the post that said if he asks to sign up, he has to go and not complain. It doesn't sound like you are forcing him at all, but you say he has no interest in sports, but keeps asking to sign up for things and enjoys basketball. So does he like sports but doesn't like stopping what he's doing to go to them? Is he fine once he gets to the sport?
If you are thinking he'd like golf or tennis, then before you sign up for lessons maybe take him to a driving range and see how he likes it. Or go play tennis with him. If he keeps asking to do those activities sign him up.
There's not much you can do about the bench sitting for b-ball, that's really the coach. But if he does like it he should keep with it, he'll only learn more and improve and maybe get more playing time.

We've done swimming and my youngest likes rock climbing.

I like Joanna M F's answer. That's pretty much what I was going to say :)

Maybe consider that he just isn't into sports as an organized event and perhaps he'd be more interested in the option of art/music or other acedemic activities. He may feel he HAS to be interested in sports due to societal factors when really he is just going against the grain...talk to him, research other options and give him CHOICES. He's an 11 year old boy, he probably feels some pressure to be an athlete, since athletics gets the most attention. Sounds to me like there are greater issues here. Help him find himself and then encourage and nurture that. There soooo many other things to do besides sports! Teach him to go against the grain and follow his heart, and one day he could be the next "great" at whatever it is he does.

I think individual sports is the way to go.

Some other choices:
- Raquetball
- Track
- Swimming
- Hanging out at the rec center
- Tae Kwon Do/Karate (if you do this and sign a contract, sign the shortest contract possible and just keep renewing it. Trust me!!)

Why does he have to do sports? What does he like to do? Have you ever asked him? If you want him to have regular exercise and physical activity, there are plenty of ways that can be done without him being signed up for organized team sports. What about just doing things that you can do together, like hiking or biking? Or martial arts, like karate?

While I agree that exercise is important, not every kid is an athlete and I don't believe they should be forced into doing something they don't want to do. If he's not enjoying it, then what is the point? It's one thing if decided he wanted to do something, signed up for it, then wanted to quit before the season was over - they should be expected to finish it out. If he's giving you a hard time about doing something he asked to do, just remind him that he wanted to do this and he needs to honor that commitment and stick with it until the season is done. Otherwise, I would wonder what you are trying to accomplish by pushing your son into activities that he obviously has no interest in.

Keep in mind too, he might end up finding something later in life all his own that he really ends up enjoying. I was never big into sports either as a kid or a teen, but then in college I discovered rowing and loved it. Your son might get into something later, in high school, where there are more options (track, cross country, swimming). Personally, I would lay off about the whole sports thing, and start trying to find out from him what he really likes to do - then try to support him in that.

Not every boy is interested in sports. Maybe he has another interest you do not know about. My boys played sports when they were six I think because everyone else was doing it. That was it. Just not interested. They both
enjoyed working on a farm with all the equipment and animals. They learned
so much during those years. It also kept them out of trouble because they would go after school. I would pick them up, come home, dinner, homework
and bed. No time to screw up. Worked well for us. So sports is not a necessity.