My son has a learning disability, and is a bit immature for his age, but otherwise seems like a typical kid.
I am just wondering if anyone else knows boys as old as 11 who so skittish about the dark. I don't know if it is related to the special-ed thing.
What is INTERESTING to me, is that he will play outside after dark, and he DOESN'T find any of the shadows or dim light scary---just inside of the house!!
My son will try to stay in his bed at night, until using the bathroom becomes an emergency, because he doesn't want to be in the hallway. When he does go in the hallway, anytime after dark, he runs or "sidles". There IS a light in the hall, with switches at both ends of the hall, so I don't understand why he does this.
He doesn't like the lights off in the house, even when there is enough light to see. He is particular about night-lights---anything bluish or greenish is "spooky" but yellowish is okay. He has to have his closet closed completely at night.
Also, anything slightly scary in a book or film (totally age appropriate!)and he will complain that he will have nightmares. He is also scared of visual depictions of scars on faces, even when he knows they are fake/make-up, and the character is portrayed as a very nice person who happened to be in a car accident.
He used to have frequent nightmares when he was younger, but rarely does now. It's more when he is awake that he is scared. Also, he has not had any trauma related to dark or night...in fact no scary trauma at all that I'm aware of.
Books won't help---he HAS books, like No Such Thing, about fears of monsters under the bed.
We don't baby him at all, we just don't know what to do at this point to help him. He is going to go to overnight camp this year...and middle school next year. I don't think his peers are going to be very nice about this sort of thing.
The learning disability is speech/language/reading related, and affects his academics, but is not a social disorder. For those who were mentioning tv/movies: we don't do any broadcast TV in our house, ONLY DVDs, so we can control the content they see. Also the dvds are very tame, and a lot of them are "retro" (Andy Griffith, The Lone Ranger, etc.) NO Harry Potter or anything like that.
And we do leave the hall light on, and leave his door open---and there are lots of nightlights and windows, etc.
It helps to hear that there are other kids with similar issues.
He still believes in Santa Claus at 11 too, so I guess it is fitting to his personality...I don't mind that he is fearful, but he is whiny about it...he often tries to blame others for "making" him afraid, and will complain in a way that sounds babyish--which is why I worry other kids won't respond well.
Thanks for the responses. =)
He seems to be losing some of his fear, and was playing with his brother in the dark recently---apparently now it is ok in the dark, as long as someone is with him, which is a step forward.
Give him a flash light to use when he needs too. I would try to not make a big deal about this and try to ignore it and let him work it out on his own. Do let him know you are there if he wants to talk about anything. JMO
F.
Hello Rae: I am the mother of5 children, 2with disabilities. My youngest has Aspberger's, Auditory Processing Disorder, Von Willard Bran type 1 mild-- and I could go on. You don't say what your childs special needs are.
I have also been the foster parent of several chhildren.
I tell you this so that you will understand my experiances.
Many children are afraid of being in dark spaces, being seperated from the rest of the family can cause fear, and on it goes.
A child does not have to have any disabilities to be scared of the dark inside the home. When outside everything is wide open space, and the light fromthe stars will give comfort to most people. I have found that the children that I have had here, are fearful of the walls, narrow halls, the feeling of being closed in. Actually I have learned that with this situation I try and give my children and the foster children respect. I was taught by a specialist to do wht I will do for them much that you would do for a small child. I keep a lamp of their choice, on in the room, we keep relaxing sounds, or music going on all night. This is good for the entire family. We always keep the light to the bathroom on, so they are not fearful of that room and have an accident.
We have also cut off TV, for an hour before bedtime for the entire family. My husband was firm about this as it gave evreyone, a chance to gear down before trying to sleep.This is when we turned on the relaxing sounds or music.
I have one child that was in his teens before he stopped having the hall light on. He also could not sleep at all and actually paniced if his door was closed.(he felt shut in, like a closet). Just know it does not have to make a bit of sence to you as long as his needs are met. I know one friend that sleeps with the TV on all night for comfort and she is over 45. So I wish you luck. Parenthood has more twists and turns than any theme park ride. You will will have many challenges and things to learn. I wish you well in this adventure. It really is the greatest thing that I have done.
If I can ever be of help feel free to contact me, Nana G
Hi Rae, I didn't have kids with this particular problem, although my youngest was afraid of a lot of things when he was little. He did outgrow it.
Also, I had nightmares a lot, and outgrew them at about 12. My guess is he will outgrow his fears.
I wouldn't underestimate your son's peers -- my experience has been that kids are usually pretty nice to each other about things more often than not. I remember one girl in middle school on an overnight field trip had to have her father stand in the room until she went to sleep. The other girls were a little creeped out by him standing there but didn't say anything to her or bug her about it. However, my kids went to a cute little charter school - don't know what kind of school your son's in.
may be a very good flash light would work . then he could either keep in on with other lights or turn it on. it has helped my granddaughter because she can be in control of the dark.when we used to go camping we always took a coleman lamp that ran on batteries and lots of batteries because my youngest is afraid of the dark.hope this helps S.
My husband puts "a force field" around the kids at night. He tucks them into bed, rubs his hands together until they are warm and then runs them from head to toe over our kids (without touching them but close enough to feel the warmth of his hands). He also says a prayer while he is doing it. The kids get a feeling of "Daddy's protection". It seems silly but it works, especially when they are really scared.
Don't worry, he will probably grow out of it. Just re-assure him that your home is safe. The more annoyed you act the more he will act out. It sounds as if he has a good imagination, see if you can direct it in more positive ways. =)
I once laid in bed imagining I was a kid and I could see how all the looming lights and shadows caused by cars outside could be very frightening shape shifters to a kid. It might be helpful to sit/lay beside him and debunk these things or even make a game out of it...."hear the car outside? Ok, wait for the light...here it comes." I don't think many of us ever explain these simple things to kids and we just assume they know the natural explanation. Sometimes kids have very real fears. My daughter was scared to sleep in her room at a very young age. I later found out that the raccoons would fight, hiss and growl outside her window and when I finally heard them for myself I could totally understand why she was afraid. See if you can get him to articulate his fears and then devise a way to deal with it. Last but not least, listen to him. Kids are very sensitive and may see things we don't. It's important that he feels he can share what things are scaring him with you...real or not.
Rae,
My youngest son is in special ed and also has a fear of the dark. He also has a specific pillow and blankie he sleeps with. He is 15. About 2-3 years ago he gave up his nite lite on his own. I have no idea why. I remember him also saying they had to be a certain color as well. He has not had a problem with the hall as his nite lite would shine into it. If he watches movies that involve scary things he as nightmares for a long time. That is why Harry Potter and such are not allowed in our house. Yet he want to be grown up and see them with the other kids. Sorry, but I can't go without the sleep and neither can he. My oldest who has a fear of thunder and lightening has still not out grown it.
She becomes inconsolible when ever it happens unless she is in a large building and knows she can't leave.
W. M
Hi Rae,
I think this is normal, even for his age.....Neither of my boys had their fears of the dark extended until age 11, but I don't see anything abnormal about it, honestly.
My boys were the same way about nightlights and closet doors, and actually, they still are.........even now, my 13 yr old likes a little light so he can see a "straight-shot" to the bathroom.
I have actually layed in both of my boys rooms (at one point), to see what the fear was all about.... In my older son's room, the wind made his window make a noise and it "fluttered".....it was scary, no doubt....thankfully my hubby could do something about it. But I went in there to "investigate" why my (then 9yr old) was afraid of his room at night, I expected to hear nothing, and "prove" that his room was completely safe. The joke was on me....that noise was scary!
In my younger one's room, he is 7 and we are dealing with this a little bit right now. His room if FULL of so much stuff (art on the wall, costumes, etc), and he is such an "imagination genius", this may take a little more work on my part with him. After laying in his bed about 6 months ago, I couldn't hear anything like I did for my older son. My 7 yr old STILL sleeps with his full light on. The only benefit is, he sleeps on the bottom of the bunkbed, so he doesn't get full-light in his face.
About your stepson's overnight camping trip.....if it's Outdoor Ed he'll be just fine. There comes a time to fill out papers, and I would definitely put that in the paperwork so the counselors know. Your stepson will get through it, though. You will worry like HE-- wondering if he's being teased, but he'll be OK, and he will figure it out.
No worries about middle school.....you can "cross that bridge when you get there".....
I have seen these lights, that look like "glow sticks". They are for putting light under their bed, or under their sheets, for those who need extra light to sleep.
Just do your best to make him feel secure, and not ashamed, and he'll get over this fear quicker.
~N. :O)
Kids now a days see alot of things on tv and movies that can scare you in the dark house. Even if they only see a trailer of a movie during a comercial. My daughter is afraid of the dark house still and she is 21. It is a normal reaction and for some reason your son is afraid of the unknown in the dark. Don't over worry it. It might take his peers to help him not be afraid. but allow him to express his fears and let him know it is normal. He might be a really creative person with a vivid imagination. Which is a good thing. Maybe a future movie producer or something. :)
I also remember my son being afraid of our laundry room when it was dark. He was about 11 also, when our new kitten was in the laundry room and he went in and he startled the kitten so much that it freaked out which in turn freaked my son out. For years after that he always left the laundry room light on in the evenings, because it was between his bedroom and the bathroom. I didn't find this out until my son was 18 and we were talking about the old house. So you never know what can cause a fear and we Moms don't always know the source.....until later.
My boy is 10 and sometimes refuses to go into the dark garage or out on the side of the house to put recycles in the can. He has always shared a room with his brother and hates to go to bed alone...I have to walk him back there and tuck him in!
He used to be scared at night when he was smaller and we bought him a rechargeable flashlight that he took to bed with him every night and that is what helped him. We would plug it in in the morning and at night, it was ready to light up the hallway for middle of the night bathroom runs or a quick look around the bedroom if he thought he heard a noise. You might want to try one...
give him a bright flash light to keep at his bedside and take with him to the bathroom. Police use flash lights to enter dark houses, you could tell him it is a tool to help him, just like the police do.
good luck
J.
Is he getting enough sleep? Sometimes when I am sleep deprived I get freaked out in the middle of the night and I am an adult! Of course, at this stage in my life I understand why it's happening and that makes it easier to deal. He also sounds sensitive to scary stuff - some people are just like that.
Okay, this might sound weird to you but maybe he sees things that you don't... maybe he is a sensitive. I occasionally see spirits but it doesn't bother me... but it would have as a kid. Just a thought.
Hi Rae,
I like the other Mom's ideas about the glow stick and the flashlight. Have you tried to keep the hall light on all night? If that light is too bright and will bother other family members, you could switch to a lower wattage bulb, and then maybe the others won't be disturbed. Although you can't be with him 24/7, I would definitely avoid scary books, video games, movies, tv shows, etc. Since Halloween is coming up, you might want to keep him out of stores because of all of the scary Halloween costumes & decorations, etc. When you fill out the permission slip for the overnight camp, definitely write that he is fearful of the dark and also tell his teacher or whoever will be in charge of the trip. If he is too scared to go trick-or-treating this year, or if you don't want him to go, perhaps you could take him to a church Harvest Party instead, and let Dad dole out candy at your house while you are gone. Hopefully he will outgrow this, however, if you are now or become even more concerned, you might try speaking with the counselor/psychologist at his school. He/she might have some other suggestions for you or may be able to help him through this. Sometimes children with a learning disability can have other things going on as well. Hope this helps!!
