My daughter is turning 11 in 10 days. She wants a swim/sleepover party and has invited 11 friends (don't know yet how many will make it, most likely most will). I estimate I will spend $150 on the party (food, goodies, decorations, etc). After she decided on the party, but before we sent invitations, she said she wanted an I-touch for her birthday. I said she couldn't have such an expensive gift AND a big party. If she wanted an expensive gift, she could have just a couple of friends for a sleepover. She decided she'd rather have the party. She already has a cell phone (LG Neon), an Ipod Nano and a Nintendo DS. Yesterday my husband took her out for awhile and they got to talking. She told him she wanted the I-touch and he thought about it and realized he'd like to have an Ipod Nano for his runs (he runs twice a week). If we get her the I-touch, he can have her Nano, which is only a year old. He figures we'll spend about $200 on the I-touch, but we'll save $100 on a new nano for him, so it'll really only be $100. My thoughts are he could do without the Nano (he has a Shuffle but doesn't like it much b/c it doesn't have a screen), and does my daughter really need an I-touch if she already has a cell phone and a DS? I'd like any opinions/advice from other moms who have been in the same dilemma. Is the I-touch really worth it? Is this a good idea for an 11 year old? Thanks!!
Why not teach her the value of money and making decisions with money----let her buy it with any birthday money she receives from her guests? Once she has her own money, she may (or may not) think harder on how it is spent.
I see this as less about the iTouch and more about your word as a parent! You gave her a choice (party or costly gift) - she picked the party. If you now also get her the costly gift - what happens next year? She will always expect BOTH. Yes, it is nice to surprise our kids with stuff that they want sometimes but not to the point when we have "spoken" and they begin to doubt that our word means anything! She could tell her friends that what she wants for her BDay is an iTouch and they can all give her cash or gc's to help out - you and Dad can give her an amount that you feel comfortable with and Dad can "buy" her Nano from her (not for the full retail, but a fair price considering it's age). Even if each of her friends gave her $11 (a year for each year old she is), then Dad bought the Nano for $50 and ya'll gave her $50 then she would have arrived - assuming all her friends did that but what about other family members? I also agree with the person who asked why your husband needs a screen while running but that is none of my business really!
My husband bought both of us iTouch's about a year ago and I never really used mine very much and ended up giving it to a family member when I got my iPad which I use ALL THE TIME. My husband still loves and uses his iTouch - so as far as how "great" they are - that is up to the person who owns it.
Good luck - parenting is tough work.
blessings,
Stacy
Stop the electronics madness!! And why does your husband need a screen while running? All of these electronic toys are bad for young brain development. Your daughter doesn't need any more than she already has.
personally- i think it might be too much for your 11 year old to have all this technology. i understand your husband wanting a nano for his runs. if your daughter wants an i-touch make her work for it. shes already getting a huge party and im sure other great gifts from you guys. stick to your agreement. she chose the party over the gift. the things i appreciated most as a child were the things i worked for and bought my self (like my sparkle eyes barbie which i still have :)) i know as parents we want to give our kids what they want and we want to make them happy- i totally want to spoil my daughter rotten- but i have to stop myself and think "does she really need it..." maybe it would be more special if she earned/paid for it herself....
Wow, that's a lot of electronics for an 11 year old. My DD will turn 11 in August, and though her bff has a cell phone, and of course she wants one now too, but we cannot justify her need for even a regular cell phone at this age, let alone an I-touch. She used to have a used DS, bought with her saved up Christmas and allowance money, but she sold it to her younger sister to have more vacation spending money last spring. Your DD must be ultra-responsible for her age. Mine, I'm not sure wouldn't lose it or leave it someplace not secure and have it stolen within a short period of time. Anyway, you already told her both party and big gift was too much, and you should stick to it. Your daughter's life lesson is worth SO much more than swinging it like a coupon for DH. If you really must get her an I-touch, why not wait until Christmas?
Going 100 % with Tracy on this. You gave her a choice and she made a choice. How you handle this now sends a very loud message to an 11 year old.
If you back down and allow her to have both, you can expect more of this to occur in the future.
Your husband's choice of electronics should not be linked to this situation....you already had closure on her decision. Is it possible she took the "end road" around you by talking to him? (My youngest has figured that game out real well.)
There is nothing wrong with waiting for something you really, really want. Builds character. And we have tried to switch iPods here in our house before---it's really tough! The music, the choices, the settings, the owner's name, everything get set on the computer and Apple's server & it's really tough to change all that if a new owner takes over. I'm sure Apple designed it that way.
Our 12 year old earned the money and loves hers. Crazy me, I don't even have half of what you listed. Sounds like your husband and she may have a practical way of handling the matter. You could either gift it to her if its in your budget (and surprise the heck out of her since she'd get both party and present) or have the understanding of earning the $100 difference to pay for it when your husband gets the nano.
Really these things are toys for her...they may start to have a practical nature as she gets older...just set limits for how long she uses, so she doesn't miss out on all the great times kids her age should be having.
My husband has an I-touch and uses it a lot to get on the internet while we're out and if there's free wi-fi. He also likes the freedom to get on the internet without the inconvience of having to wait on the computer to load up. My 11 1/2 yr old step-son want's an I-touch, but isn't responsible enough for one. I think it all depends on how mature and responsible your daughter is. If she takes care of her other gadgits and you trust her on the internet, then I think it'll be a great gift. Just remember the gifts strart getting bigger and more expensive from her on out ;)
R.
I think you need to stick with the agreement made. She chose the party. Yes, she really wants the itouch. Yes, she will be disappointed not to get it. But Christmas is coming. And honestly, my children and nieces/nephews do not have any of this (although they want it) and have lived. ;) I think the main issue is sticking to your word.
Your daughter sounds like mine with all the electronics. I could care less about them but her dad gets them for her. She just had to have the ITouch. Got it and now I never see it. I haven't seen that thing in over a month. I think you should just wait until Christmas or her next birthday. Like another mom said stick with your original plan. You told her to pick one and she chose the party.
I am having the exact same problem at my house. (except for the husband thing). Let me just say that my older daughter is a runner and when you are running you don't stop and look at your screen anyway. Back to the 11 year old. My youngest is turning 11 on July 27 and she also wants the itouch. Her bff has had one since March and she is obsessed with it. She also has a phone and she carries them around with her everywhere. So of course, my daughter wants one too. We also had to forgo the party because of the itouch cost, my daughter chose the itouch instead of the party. You can get the itouch on Walmart.com for 176 (have it shipped to the store) and it comes with an accessory kit. I think the sleepover with a couple of friends sounds ideal. Let me know how it turns out.
I agree with the moms that say that you can't go back on your decision. It is hard saying "no" to our children but they need to learn that they cannot have everything they want. You gave her a choice. She needs to learn to live with her choices. Giving her so much at a young age teaches her that it is all about having things.
What does she need all this technology for? Does it help her with a job? No. With her school work? Seriously doubt it since my students never needed it for the school work I assigned in high school. If you or your husband think she really needs it, then you are rationalizing an irrational thing.
Will she survive without it? My 23 year-old daughter and 21 year-old son do just fine without expensive technology. Not to mention my husband and I are doing just fine without it. If your husband wants the used Nano, then let him pay your daughter a fair price for a used Nano - not $100. It is no longer worth that. And I agree that it makes no sense for him to have a screen when he runs. Help your husband teach your daughter about restraint and about learning how to save up for expensive things.
I am assuming you can afford all of this without putting it on a credit card. If not, there is a whole new situation that you and your husband are dealing with.
My personal opinion is that an 11yo does not need an iPod touch. But the more important issue here is that you gave her a set of guidelines. Big gift or big party. She chose the party and your husband need to honor that. It doesn't matter what it costs. The lesson here is the most important. If it is that important to her, she should save at least half the money for one. It would mean more.
