10 Year Old with Anger Mgmt Issues

Hi Nicole,
I am going thru the same thing with my son, he is 9 the best boy at home, i am a single mom and he is an only child,he acts out in school but then at home hes fine.
The school counceler said he has anger issues and says he is not a happy child because he never smiles at school. she asked me if he ever smiled at home. well at home he smiles all the time. i sat down and talked to him over an outing just the two of us and asked him how school was what he liked and what he didnt like, how people treated him and got alot out of that actually, I didnt aproach it as a mom trying to play superman and gonna take care of everything, but you could be suprised if you just let them talk and listen to what they have to say without acting like "the mom"
I found out that he doesnt like his teacher, he says she yells alot, well for a yr old anything that isnt near a normal tone is yelling.ya know lol
but i also found out that he was being bullied and no one would take him seriously because he was " the unruley one most of the time.
you know your son better than everyone else just listen to him and he will tell you everything you need to know i thnk but im not expert, but it worked for me
good luck.

My son had this same problem as a child and teenager. He was also special Ed and wore glasses. He was subject to a lot of teasing by fellow students and sometimes had a teacher who was intolerant of his feelings. He responded with anger.
We signed him up for Isshinru Karate and got him a heavy bag to practice on. We also encouraged him, as Christians, to pray about his temper. When he got angry and/or frustrated he would be encouraged to go downstairs and pound on the heavy bag. Some days the whole house would vibrate with the pounding. He was more willing to talk when he had physically worked off the anger.
He released his anger in a healthy manner and is now a very gentle Christian adult. Every person is different so there are no perfect answers. Keep loving him and praying for him.

Maybe there is nothing wrong with him, but something wrong at his mother's house. If it was chemical or developmental or even behavioral, he would do it at his dad's too, no?
Can you and your husband get custody?

First would be to establish a better relationship w/ the mom, I know easier said then done, but extremly important, everyone HAS to be on the same page when it comes to consequences. Does he live w/ you guys or with mom would be my first Q, if he lives with you guys I would have him in some kind of anger managemant group, on your dime and time not the moms, if she doesn't agree with your choice to bad, the child has to come first! You will also need family therapy, I know you say you aren't having issues at home but there is something going on that is bothering him, when he is away from the house he knows that he can "control" the situation and uses it, therapy can help you guys deal w/ his anger issues and anger management will give him the tools to control his anger. From what you say you are doing everything you can within your home, so I don't know that there is more you can do besides seek outside help. Good luck.

Nicole my 16 year old son was the same way. It started when he was about 5 and has not gotten any better. He has lived with his father since he turned 10 and he has not tried to help our son in any way. So when my 2nd child also a boy started acting up in school we worked with the teachers and principles at school on a reward system, that worked for a little while but eventually we decided along with our pediatrician to put him on medication. I think it is extremely important that you and your husband have open communication with his mother so that he knows that you all care about him amd that any decisions you make about rewards or discipline are going to be the same at both homes. I wish you luck and hope that you find something that works because if this type of behavior goes on too long it will become harder to deal with and may affect him negatively in life.

Hi Nicole,
I would start by taking him back to a psychiatrist (maybe not the same one) and have an evaluation done to see if this is caused by a neurological disorder or some kind of chemical imbalance. My son has had problems with "controlling his body" since preschool also. I know medication isn't always the answer but since he started taking Strattera he has had a much easier time controlling his impulses. It seems that he finally has a second to stop and think before he reacts. Until then it really didn't matter what kind of consequences we gave him because he didn't think about that until after he had already punched somebody or whatever. Maybe medication isn't the answer for your son but I do think therapy would be the first step to find the cause of these emotions.

I hope you and your family have a great holiday season. Good luck with your son.

K.