10 Year Old Son Likes to Sleep with Me

Hi S.,

Have you read the book "The Family Bed" by Tine Thevenin (I think that is her name)? it is a good one.

K. Z.

Dear S.,
The bedroom should be for you and your husband. Tell him you would like it to be that way but you cannot sleep the way things are. He probably has sleep apnea and it deprives the brain of oxygen. You can see how serious that can be later in life the less oxygen you have. My brother has it and did not know it until years later and now he has several other health problems as a result. Don't nag him but gently ask him to see a specialist. If he wants quality of life later as his son grows, he needs to take care of himself now. L. J

I can sort of see your husband's side of things. He's the one who should be sleeping with you not your son.

That said, I will also say, shame on him for not willing to be flexible in light of your condition and needs.

You need to get him to change things for you, you need to be back in your room with your husband. It's is actually important for your relationship to share a bed. The physical closeness is key. Talk to him.

The fact that you are no longer sharing a room/bed with your husband might actually be worrying your son, which is why he's taken to sleeping with you. It's not a huge change from not sharing a room with someone to not sharing a life with them and I think your son is worried about this, perhaps not knowingly but some people are more sensitive then others.

Good luck to you and your family, I hope you can work things out.

I'm sorry, but I believe that a 10 year old son shouldn't sleep with his mommy! he's WAY old enough to be sleeping in his own room and to understand that he needs to be in his own room. I think permitting him to continue to sleep in your room is going to cause some psychological problems in the very near future. Don't want him growing up to be a "mama's boy" do you? At age 10 he should be gaining some self reliability and sleeping in mommy's bed is NOT a good way to start!

Very few people like sleeping alone! Our own ten-year-old occasionally sleeps in our room, but because our two-year-old is still in our bed, he is often curled up on the floor. We even bought him a cot a couple years ago if he wanted to use it in our room. Family beds are quite common, although no one wants to admit it. I say of course, aside from the inappropriate boundaries regarding intimacy that some families might struggle with, co-sleeping with your older children is a fabulous bonding experience that otherwise helps them develop self-confidence and independence. Yes, I said independence. When they are secure people, they develop healthy boundaries and independence as they are ready. What a treat for the two of you!

There is no reason your son should be sleeping with you at this age. Maybe YOU need the closeness since you don't have your husband in the bed with you. This is just being selfish and I feel it is very wrong. You need to work somnething out with your husband and yes get his snoring/sleep apnea resolved. You are using your son to fill your own needs not his.

L. Etta, mother of an 8 year old boy and a 7 year old girl.

S. - your son needs to be sleeping on his own and have his own room. At 10 years old it's time!

L.

I take it he has his own bed. If not, you must not let him sleep with you. If so, I don't really see it as a problem, but if it makes your husband mad, you should stick with him so as not to create a rift between you; this also enables your son to feel that he can get you to take sides against your husband. Yes your son will move away some day, but you will be with your husband long after.

Your husband needs to see a doctor about his snoring; he might have sleep apnea. Doesn't he miss you sleeping with him? Is it because of the noise of the fan?- have you shopped for a noiseless one? And then have it blow on you only?

At the age of 10, your son needs to sleep in his own bed! He's too old and needs his own space. despite the rest, I personally feel whatever you and your husband puts up with is up to you. The boy needs to be made to sleep by himselfe or get him a dog to sleep with.

your 10 year DEFINITELY needs his own bed/room not with mom or dad.you are the parent and as hard as it may seem he is at the stage between child and teen.i am a mom unless the child is sick his own bed!!!

Wow - I'm so glad that there are other people like me that have separate bedrooms from their husbands. All my friends think I'm nuts because I make my husband sleep in the guest room. Hey, as soon as he is willing to go to the doctor and get his sleep apnea taken care of, I'll let him back in! :)

My 10 year old son and 6 1/2 year old daughter take turns sleeping with me, since Dad is not there. They each get to sleep with me once a week. My daughter has to constantly be touching me while we're sleeping. That's fine - I see no problem with it. And I thought my son liked being close to me, too, but then noticed (although during waking times he snuggles with me) he never gets close to me when we're sleeping. So I asked him why he likes sleeping with me, and he said, "Your bed is so much softer! I love sleeping on your mattress because I feel so cozy!" So much for Mom's ego! LOL

There is nothing inappropriate with your son sleeping in your bed unless you make it so. How sad (and disturbing) that so many people think there is something "wrong" with it, and that is where their minds are.

Blessings,
J.

S.,

There's no problem. Growing up my parents slept in separate rooms for practical reasons, and i slept in the same room with my dad until I was ten. There was nothing inappropriate about it and I grew up well adjusted. My 3 kids all slept with me and my husband/their dad quite often until they didn't want to and everyone turned out secure, loved, and well adjusted.

But it's not for everyone and I am not criticizing or passing judgement on those who would never do such a thing. Do what you want, don't let someone else make you feel bad about it, but you don't need to advertise it and ask for trouble because some people will get into your business and say how inapopropriate it is. Either they have a dirty mind or a very strict idea of how a household is run and parenting is done and that's fine for them. You do it your way. Good luck!

My brother slept in my dad's bed until he was 10. Long story short, mom had cancer and needed her own bed. She died when my brother was 8 and it took him a couple of years to transition back to his own room. I think the co-sleeping helped both of them in many ways. He and my dad have always been very close and my brother is now an intelligent, caring, well-adjusted 24 year old.

I really don't think it's a big deal. As another lady mentioned, family beds are much more common that people think. If it works for you and your son, then NO ONE should be judging you. As for your husband, I do think it's insensitive that he won't see a doctor about his condition. My husband snored terribly for quite some time and slept in our guest room as a result (he also refused to see a dr). It finally resolved on its own, but I refuse to have my sleep disturbed simply because he's too selfish to see a professional. Of course, you need to make sure you understand why your husband is so upset about your sleeping arrangement and try to come to an understanding, but if he won't see a doctor or try to at least meet you halfway on your needs, then he needs to accept the situation for what it is.

Anyone on here who wants to judge you needs to remember that every family is different. What works for one may not work for another, but that doesn't make it wrong.

If you have fibro, you too may also have sleep apnea. something you may want to consider getting checked out. Just a thought. I only have this to say regarding your sleeping arrangements. One of these days your son will turn into a teen and well, teens are just wierd, like they turn into aliens or something. I say if your hubby refuses to go to doc and your son wants to sleep w/you, enjoy it while he's still young and still human.

First, I'll say that you're probably right - soon enough your son is not going to want to sleep in your room. At some point in the next couple of years, you'll develop "parent cooties" and you won't catch him within a country mile of your room.

I have 2 daughters, ages 5 and 2. Our oldest has been prone to fever spikes, and slept with us until she was 3-4 years old. The only time she sleeps with me now is if she's sick, or if our youngest is sick. My husband will go sleep in the girls room in the 5 year old's bed and the 2 year old in her crib, and the 5 year old will sleep with me. That's also partly due to the 2 year old being very much a "daddy's girl" too.

Let DH know too that he's partly to blame too. Not letting you have a fan in the room is a bit extreme, especially if you have fibromyalgia. Secondly, if his snoring were under control, then that'd be another reason you'd be sleeping in the room with him. If he wants the situation to change, he also needs to do some changing. (I realize this is easier said than done too!)

Good luck!

I agree with Becky. So what. What exactly is your husband upset about? Does he think it's inappropriate or just that your son is "old enough to sleep on his own"? Yes, maybe he is, but maybe he also just likes the closeness of another person. Again, so what? If it works for you and more importantly, your son-what is the problem? Parenting doesn't stop at sundown and obviously your son still needs something. Eventually he will grow out of it. I say, enjoy the closeness while you still can.

I am recovering from FMS and my husband has PLS and sleep apnea, so he jerks constantly. We just bought a queen bed to sleep on together for the first time since 1999. I did this with some special vitamins and nutrition for him and for me! I also hired a homeopathic practitioner, and now I have become one because it helped so much! You have many options for him and for you! Check it out and find someone to help you and then he will be open to someone helping him if he doesn't have to go to a "doctor."