My son just turned 1 this month. For the past 4-5 months, his bedtime routine has been wonderful. When he was 7 months old we finally resorted to the "Cry it out" method to help him fall asleep on his own. It was the best thing we did because for the past 5 months, he falls asleep completely on his own and sleeps 11-12 hours straight! Last night, however, he was extremely squirmy but also clingy at bedtime. I think part of it was being overtired (didn't nap well). BUt, when we went to lay him down in his crib, after our normal bedtime routine, he cried and cried! He was clearly tired, but would not go to sleep on his own. After several attempts, I finally brought him into our bed and laid down with him. He fell right to sleep and slept 11 hours. I DON'T want to get into that habit! His cries almost sounded like he was scared of something. I had just read that separation anxiety could be starting at this age and I am wondering if that had something to do with his behavior last night?? Has anyone experienced this?? Any suggestions on what to do? I don't know how long to let a 1 year cry, if he is just walking around his crib, screaming!!
Thanks!!
How is he eating and napping today? Maybe it was a one time thing. I would take him to the doctor today if he still seems a little off. My kids would do this with an ear infection. Just a thought.
L.
they cry it out method typically shows these results at one point or anther.
only you have the instincts for your child. if you feel that he needs your comfort and support at night time, there is nothing wrong or manipulative about that. its a lie that babies sit and plot things.
My daughter (also one year) is typically a great sleeper, too, but does sometimes have a rough night, or several rough nights in a row. On those rough nights, we frequently sit in the rocking chair in her room right after we put her in the crib, mostly with the back of the chair toward the crib, and say "shhhhh" or talk quietly and soothingly or listen to quiet music. My hubby has sometimes moved the chair more sideways toward the crib and reached through to let her touch his hand. This seems to help if she's feeling the separation, but she still falls asleep on her own in her crib. (We're not against bed-sharing, but my husband snores so loudly that she doesn't sleep as well with us.)
If she can't seem to calm down, we may try having her lay with us in our bed or hold her in the rocking chair to see if she will calm down that way. Once she is asleep for a while, she usually is okay to go back into her crib. If nothing else works (milk, cracker, soothing, diaper change, pajamas changed if too hot or cold), we try tylenol because we realize it's probably teething.
Good luck! I think it's often part instinct, part learning to understand what the little ones are trying to tell us.
Actually, separation anxiety usually happens to babies sooner than one year. I know the 'cry it out' method may have worked for you in the past. Personally, I am not a fan of that practice, but I know it works in the short run for some people. The risk that comes with that practice is of course, regression. Babies have feelings and the ability to cry in order to communicate, and ultimately, to get what they need currently or what they needed before but were denied. I think you do not have to worry about making your current cosleeping arrangement a 'bad habit' because in a couple months he will have gotten the security he missed out on earlier and then he'll want his own space in which to sleep. Basically you are just gently retraining him to sleep at night. Cosleeping is not a bad habit, rather it is a very good way to foster sleeping security for a little one and most of all, it makes for a lovely transition from crib to 'big boy bed'. Good luck!
Just a quick suggestion - Try leaving an item of your clothing in bed with him every night. My son went through this at about the same time as yours. I started leaving my shirt from that day in the crib with him and he slept through the night for the first time(s) ever.
i know this may sound contradictory, but maybe you can 'cry it out' for a while, then go in and pick him up and hold for a minute or two, then set him down again. we had this with our daughter for a few nights not long ago (she's 13 months old) and it seemed to go away. being overtired doesn't help either, even though it's not your fault that he's not napping! and he's probably growing a little bit too, which can make him irritable.
good luck!
S. in WI
Hi Alison,
When my son was 8-1/2 months old he began exhibiting signs of separation anxiety. When I put him in his crib after our usual bedtime routine, I'd rub his back and soothe him, then leave the room. I'd let him cry for 5 minutes and then go back in and rub his back, etc. and do it all over again. Those first few nights felt like it was taking him forever to settle down, but eventually he did. He just liked to be around us, etc. and perhaps felt like he was missing something fun. I would also play soothing lullabyes in his room and that really helped. He's 7 years old now and still has a hard time settling down for bed, I know now that he's definitely thinking he's missing something more exciting downstairs. I still play classical music on his radio and still rub his back once in a while (just because he's growing up so fast and he'll still let me do it. :) ) and he's out like a light in no time. You'll find that they're fine for a few months, then they need a little extra nurturing then you go back to what settles them.
My advice to you is be patient (this too will pass) and soothing to him and most importantly be consistent. He needs to know he's safe in his crib and that's where he belongs. You can tell him that you'll stay for a few minutes with him as long as he lays down and stops screaming; he should be old enough to understand, and if he doesn't do as you ask, leave. Then go back in a few minutes later, eventually he'll catch on. You just have to keep in control and wait it out. It's really tough because it's awful seeing your child so upset, but it's for his and your own good.
When he transitions to a big bed, he'll start coming out of his room, then you'll have to do it all again. :) But it works out in the end as long as you're firm, consistent and loving. Good luck!!
Our daughter is going through the same thing. We have let her cry for about 10-15 minutes and then we will go in and calm her down, trying not to remove her from the crib and then leave the room again. We do have a night lite and radio playing and will turn on her winnie the pooh projector. It doesn't happen often that she cries for more than 5 minutes.
Perhaps your baby is starting to cut teeth? My son was a great sleeper and then abruptly exhibited the behavior you describe of your son at about 1 year. He was consoled by being close to me, and I was concerned that bringing him into our bed or rocking him to sleep would make getting him to sleep on his own worse. I was too tired to let him cry it out and brought him to bed with us.
It was a rough month not knowing what was causing the change in behavior, but once his teeth cut the surface (4 molars and 2 canines at once) he started sleeping through the night in his crib on his own! What's hard about teething is that it's painful for a baby long before we see signs of teeth near the surface.
Good Luck...this too shall pass!!
Hopefully it was just a one night thing, like you said... he didn't nap well yesterday. Altho I do know sometimes bringing them to bed is SOO much easier when we are so tired. I have been guilty a time or two, but then I take her back to bed asap, she kicks and squirms so much it drives me nuts!
I think you should just to go into his room, and rub is back or something soothing. That way he knows your always there if you need him, instead of making him cry and scream. Remember when you were a kid and scared at night?? He probably really is scared about something.
My son is almost 15 months and we have been going through the same thing for a few weeks now. The past week has been horrible. He has been waking up scared and just wants mommy. One night we tried to let him cry. I made it 25 minutes and then I couldn't stand it anymore. I knew this was out of character for him, so figured he needed some extra snuggling so we have been bringing him into bed with us. Worried about it becoming a habit as well, after a few hours in bed, we moved him back to his crib for the remainder of the night. FINALLY, last night when he woke up, I heard him babbling on the moniter instead of screaming. Hang in there. It will likely pass.
