1-Year Old Tatrums

S.,

My little one also threw those little one-year old tantrums.

What worked best for us at that age was distraction - I would immediately pull out something she could touch with a BIG smile on my face.

It also helped to look into her eyes, at her level, and say, "no touch" or "not for Rachel" before I distracted her with something else.

You're right that he's too young to understand things like explanations or time-outs. Sounds like you guys are doing the right thing!

Best of luck! M.

What about distracting him?? I always found that to help when my kids were getting ready to "throw a fit" about something. I just found something else to get them interested in. It didn't usually take much. Good luck!!

S.,

I give voice to my 16 month old's feelings. If she's frustrated with a toy because it isn't doing what she wants I'll calmly walk over to her and ask her "what is so frustrating?" She'll usually hold up the toy for me. At that point I'll be her voice and say something like "This is so frustrating! this toy isn't doing what I want it to". She'll then hand me the toy and I'll show her how to make it work. This will happen a few times then she's happy again.

Your little one is experiencing new feelings and emotions that he's not sure how to deal with. Be his voice and validate these new emotions. It should help tremendously.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

HI,

We have have a time out spot. our 2 1/2 year old son is very much a boy and very active, and very stubborn. We would sit him in time out, started at about 1 year. He would try to get out and I would be persistant. So persistance is key. Also he would throw his tantrums just because sometimes, and I would ignore him. The second time going back to see my fiancee's family after having our son, was very difficult. He has never been a good eater, and when we were back it was hard to watch him throw his tantrums because was the inlaws going to intervin? But I did I ignored his little tantrum, and soon he came in to me and wanted me to hold him. So we started teaching him, you say sorry to mommy. Give loves, say sorry, and every time he was in time out, even to this day when he is in time out we tell him to come to us, we get down to his level, and we talk to him. And he will say sorry mommy, sorry daddy or who ever... and give loves. Then its all over with and off he goes.

So sorry for the long book. Persistance is key, and keep it up:) be consistant. Good luck.

Ignorance is a good way to let him know that screaming doesn't work. Don't walk away, just stay there, he needs to see you. Use your words, he can't speak, but believe me, he understands. Use short sentence, not more than 3 words and stay calm. You can also try positive time out. Take him on your lap and hold him tight until he calms down. Talk to him with quite voice, the idea is for him to stop if he wants to hear what you are saying. Distraction is another good way to deal with that. Just take him to another room or away from the subject of his fit. Hope I was helpful. Good luck!

Your doing it right. Ignore the tantrum he will grow out of them. I think with both of mine they started around 10 months old lasted a couple of weeks and they were over it. Now that doesn't mean it wont happen again at an older age but just be firm and don't give in to his tantrum. And I hear you about the hard time with church they understand but it is still hard to bother others during the service.

It sounds like your son is becoming a toddler. Mine started that phase at about the same age.

The first advice I would give is that he is NEVER to young for verbal intervention. It is the best way to teach him to use his words when something upsets him. When my kids throw tantrums I use language like: "I know you are angry because you are not allowed to play with the curtains, but screaming is not OK. I will pick you up when you are done screaming." "It is OK to be angry, but it is not OK to throw yourself on the floor."

I would also recommend redirection instead of symply saying NO. "We are not going to play with the hymn book, you may play with your book that we brought from home. This book is for grown-ups." "Let's not play with the curtains, you don't want to get an owie, let's play with this car over hear on the floor. It's not safe to climb the sofa, we don't want to fall down."

I have always found that it is important to, first of all, acknowledge and validate the way your child is feeling: angry, sad, frustrated... They are after all people, and second of all, ALWAYS verbalize. This teaches them to verbalize instead of scream. They scream because they don't have the ability to tell you verbally how they feel, so giving them those words helps them deal with their feelings and identify what they feel.

Stay patient and calm and he will grow out of this phase, especially if you give him the tools he needs to do it.

Hi there,

It is surprising how young they start tantrums isn't it?! I have a girl (almost 6) and a boy (20 months) and they both started exercising their will power quite early. I don't think it's to young to try verbal intervention. Even if he is not talking I bet you'd be surprised at just how much he understands. Tell him why he can't climb on the couch. Pull him down and tell him that's not safe or that's not okay. This worked fine with my older one, but with my little boy he's much more motivated to climb, bang, hit, etc than she was and he doesn't take no for an answer. So I've gotten good at telling him what he can do and not just what he can't do. So if he's climbing the couch, and you don't want him to. Say let's not climb on the couch, you can climb on this pillow instead or this step stool or whatever you can find that you think is okay. At church is there a hymn book that he can read??? I know, they tend to tear the pages out, but at the heart of it they want to copy what you are doing they want to be doing it with you. Maybe bringing along a book he can look at or something like that.

As far as ignoring him... I'm all for not giving tantrums more attention than they are worth, but consider the message you may be sending to him--that his emotions are not important to you and you won't give them any attention. So try to see it from his side and think of ways that you can both have what you want.

Also, to consider that tantrums are going to be much more frequent, or drawn out if he's hungry or tired. So if church is right at what would be snack time or nap time or bed time, that could be your major problem and the hymn book was just the excuse he needed to vent his crabbiness.

So much to consider! And it's constantly changing, but you'll figure it out and it does get better, though my 5-year-old still throws the occasional tantrum! Good luck with this one and your next one too.

Hi S.,

Believe it or not, you can discipline your one year old with a time out. You explain what you are doing and why and have him sit in a specific place- do not, under any circumstances, interact with him until after his time out is over- 1 minute for a one year old. You need to be consistent with the concept of time out for it to work- we did it with both our boys starting at 1 year and if they did something they knew was wrong, they would put themselves in time out, starting as young as 2! Also, if you can possibly ignore the behavior, that works well as well. We used to put our son in the car when he had a tantrum when we were out, waiting outside, until the time out was over. I still use the concept of time out very successfully in my classroom with kids, giving the opportunity to rejoin the activity when they feel ready, or when I feel they are ready to join us. Don't think your little boy won't understand what you are doing- he will know that he has misbehaved if you tell him specifically what he has done wrong and explain to him that if he continues with the behavior, he will need to spend more time in time out.

Good luck!
C.

I think you are doing it the right way it may be really hard, and yes sometime embarassing but you can't give in and your right you can't sit a 1yr old down and tell him that is unexecptable. Just keep up the good work this will pass. Mo B

Dear heart - you are handling a pretty expectable ''but i WANT it''' really well ---he isn't being naughty - he just really wants it - and he can't have it. ( a little about me- am a 63 yeear old retired special ed, preschool teacher - Mom to 3 grown children and helping to raise 3 year old and 9year old grand children) It's very important that he know you will help him tolerate your family rules. He sounds like he loves things to hold and tug ( GO figure) - so I'm sure you have a few things in his diaper bag at church tht he CAN page throough - maybe even scribble on with a fat crayon - sitting through church is tough on little guys - but there are pluses to that, too-

Blessings,
Old Mom

Just so you know your not alone in this! I have a 15 month old who is doing the same thing. I've tried the same things that you are doing with the same response from him. Hopefully someone will have some great advice for both of us!

Mine did the same thing at about 13 or 14 months. First thing is don't give in. That just validates action. I tried ignoring him too, that didn't seem to do much. What worked for me (it only took maybe 2 or 3 times) was to pick him up and sit him on my lap (like your husband did at church) and hold him firmly until he stopped crying and had been quiet for at least a minute. He really didn't like that, but it worked very well. In essence, it was a time out on my lap. He usually was just very tired. Anyway- this worked until I was pregnant again, then he threw 1 or 2 more tantrums and I had the same response. Then, after baby 2 was born he had more mild tantrums. Our second little fella is only about 5 weeks old, and our first has already stopped the tantrums. I used essentially the same technique for these tantrums. He is 21 months now. He really has the idea that tantrums don't work whatsoever, and he just doesn't utilize them anymore. Hope this helps.

I just read another comment about timeout. What kids this lady has that will sit in time out alone that young... remarkable. Mine absolutely would not. He never sat anywhere for any amount of time. It very much worked to hold him. But, I should stress that I was essentially ignorning him as I did it. I didn't talk or interact at all... I just held him, with my arms pinning his to his side until he was calm, then I'd relax my arms and make him sit until he had been quiet for 1 minute. It worked so well to calm him down and soothe him at the same time that once he actually fell asleep during that one minute. And he usually came right back to my lap after I put him down. I should also say that each time there was a tantrum, I'd adjust the amount of time that I made him stay down for a nap. He was usually just very tired. Hope this helps, again. :-)

Your 1 yr old trusts you both if he's willing to have a tantrum. So, this is good. It shows he loves you enough to scream out. Say: Curtains-Danger. Look at the birdie out the windows or truck, etc. to distract. Or I lead my 20 month old to look at something else. I will also sit with him (in the past too) and say you want the curtains so you're mad & it's ok to be mad. Play with this blanket and put in on your bear. Night night bear. Or Bye bye curtains, Hello bear. If he hits he goes to the designated time out chair (@1 yr. old for 1 min.) Say Sorry mommy and give me a hug. Even though he didn't get the concept at first the conditioning him to be ready for when he's older helped a lot. Now he will get in the chair himself and initiate the hug himself. Keep up the good work, it gets easier in some areas but new things are added. I have to remind myself to be patient, give him lots of exercise and new adventures. Save a few toys hidden so they seem new at church or I go to garage sales for things to break out for those moments I need to distract him. I also tell Xander we have to whisper or use our inside voice when we go in here. It doesn't always work because he's a baby and gets excited. Oh well, people understand and I'll need practice being embarrassed for the future as he grows. He's the best part of my husband and my life.

He's testing his indpendence and your resolve. You are doing the right thing. Ignore the tantrum and remove him from the situation if you are at a function, but don't give in to the demands as a result of the behavior. Tell him firmly why he can't do/have what he wants (danger, breakable item, etc.).

Acknowledge what he is feeling, but not how he is expressing it. "I know you want to pull on the curtains, but they can fall and hurt you. I can't talk to you while you are screaming. When you are done, we will play with a toy (or read a book, etc.)." Remind him to use words or gestures, but throwing tantrums will not work. If you do not nip this in the bud, he will escalate and you will feel even more helpless.

To say the obvious: make sure he doesn't need something else when you are in the midst of these tantrums.... Soiled diapers, sleepy, hungry, or just plain bored can also be the culprit. Be firm and consistent and let him know that you love him. He'll work through this phase and then another will come along. Good luck!

You are n the right track... the less attention, even at that small age, and love them and praise them when you see them doing things good.

I love it that you scrapbook. I am a creative memories consultant and if you life anywhere near, would love to get together. I do Mom and child get togethers. I'm prepared for the little ones. Still have playpen, high chair, etc. from my grandchildren. Email me: ____@____.com.

I was a preschool teacher and still work with 2-10 year olds at my church during Women's Bible Study.

Hello! Our little one is about to turn one in August and we have been seeing the same things. Some things that have worked for us are giving her advanced notice when we are going to take some thing away. I sometimes even say "In five seconds, we're going to say bye-bye to the hose" and then I count. We say bye-bye to whatever it is. And even though, out kiddos are preverbal, I think this really does help. One thing we learned at our birth to three class is to always phrase things in terms of what you want your kiddo to do. So, I might have her say bye-bye to the curtains and then give her two or three choices of what she CAN play with. I like what others said too about validating their feelings-it's okay to be upset that you can't play with that...

Try the video "The happiest toddler on the block" It has some great techniques, and they work a lot of the time.

That is what i do and when they come to you you can explain that it is okay for him to be upset when you tell him no but he can not do what he did and show him what he can do ( like scream in a pillow)

Hi S.!

This may sound silly, and doesn't work for all children, but I did the same tantrum back at my daughter (while at home ;0)
Someone had told me that they tried it on their child and it worked and I was desperate so decided to give it a try. She never did it again. I've heard of other people doing it and their child still continued to do it so it can be hit or miss I guess. When I did it my daughter was in a full grown fit. I just got on the floor and did it right back at her and she stopped to look at me. Then she started laughing and said, "Do it again mommy!" I just said, "See how funny mommy looks." and then I did it again. Sounds crazy, but she never did it again.

Hope this silly info helps!

~M.

I read the other responses to this because my 15th month old has just begun some pretty famous tantrums and I'm also trying to figure out how to deal with them. All I wanted to say is that I agree with all the people who responded to you and said not to walk away from him or ignore him. That really does send the message that his emotions are not worthy of your attention. He's venting in the only way he can right now. So be there for him, but don't give in. And yes, he probably understands a LOT more than you think! They are smart little monkeys! Good luck!

My son started tantrums that young also. The first thing you should do is try to head off the tantrum altogther. As soon as he starts getting something or doing something he shouldn't offer a distraction, a favorite book of his own or stuffed animal or some other quiet object. paper and crayons if he likes to color. Or simply set him on your lap after a hug and kiss. You will have to test out what things are a good distraction for your child since all are different :) Maybe a couple lego blocks or a few matchbox cars. Those always work for my son, and animal figures. Maybe something that lights up a little bit and plays very soft music for when you are in church. If it is unsuccessful and the tantrum begins anyway I agree with the response under mine!

Hi S.,

1 year old can understand a lot more than they can talk. Removing him from the situation is good, but I would also say very firmly "It is NOT OK to scream". Little kids scream often because they don't have the words to tell you what they want and need and think that you don't understand. "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" (or something like that) book suggests reitterating what your child wants in the same intensity (not volume) and with a few words as possible, so your child knows that you understand what they want and they can calm down. Then, when they are calmer, you can explain why they can't do it and then distract them with something else. So, for your example say with high intensity, "Joe wants curtains" "Joe wants curtains" (It will grab his attention and he will know then that you understand what he wants) then once you have calmed down, "I know you want to play with the curtains, but that is not safe. Let's play with..."
It is also a good idea to lay out the expectations before the situation comes up in church. "We are going to church now and you will need to be quiet. Screaming is not OK." I would also come prepared then, with activities and snacks that are OK, to distract him and keep him quiet. Books with windows to open are especially good. Church is a long time to sit for a little one, so come prepared with stuff for him to do and he will be much less likely to be interested in things he can't!