1 1/2 Year Old with Temper Issues!!

My 1 1/2 year old has temper tantrums as well. I was told to ignore them, and I try except when I'm in public. He listens to his dad and will stop for him, but not so quickly for me. His doctor told me to let him get it out and ignore him. I use that and spankings as well.

I agree with the other responses. This is about the age that they start to experiment with anger. If it makes you feel any better by youngest would bang her head on the floor and walls, then when she was too upset with that she would hold her breathe until she passed out. And yes, I walked over her (after 1 frantic call to the doctor) and ignored it. She stopped after about 4-6 months.

I'm sorry I don't have any grand advice, however I have a 19-month-old daughter that is going through the same thing now... so I feel your pain!!! I do notice that if I ignore her tantrums or hitting herself, it's a little better. I also try (key word!) to talk to her calmly and say "I know you're mad right now because Momma doesn't know what you want, but can you show me what's making you so mad?" Sometimes that works. I think it's just the bucking bronco that is the "terrible two's" and we just have to hold on until the ride is over!! I just keep hoping that since it started earlier, it will also end earlier! Blessings to you & your little girl :)

Just ignore her. This, too, shall pass!

Hi Leah,
You may want to do some checking into some issues like Sensory Processing Disorder. There are lots of terrific sites on the web that describe this, but one of my favorites is: www.sensory-processing-disorder.com

Although it can be a little scary to consider something more then "tantrums" being the reason for your daughter's behavior, the really good news is that with early intervention a great deal of your daughter's discomfort can be alleviated!!!

You will have many people tell you that a child hitting herself, head banging or biting themself is just an attention getting technique and that a child will never "really hurt" themselves. Please don't buy into that, a child can do some very serious damage to themselves and have no idea that what they are doing is harmful. Some children simply don't register pain the same way that others do.

Please talk to your pediatrician and get a referral to an occupational therapist with a background in Sensory issues (many times they will also specialize in kids with Autism and PDNOS).

This is one time when the only mistake you can make is NOT taking action. If you explore the behavior in depth and find that your child doesn't have Sensory issues then you will know that your child needs behavioral intervention, if you explore the behavior and find out she DOES have Sensory issues then you will know that she needs occupational therapy intervention. The only mistake you can possible make is to "wait for her to outgrow" the behavior.

I hope this helps! Please write to me if you have other questions about SPD!!!

V.

What does your pediatrician say?

D. P.

If she was older & could talk well, this would be a behavior issue, but it's a frustration issue at this age, and you used that key word in your request. Little kids don't get 'angry', per se. It's usually that they're frustrated, stressed, tired (or sleep-deprived), hungry/thirsty, not feeling well, or a combination of the above.

Is anything irregular going on in your/her life right now -- major changes of any kind (recent move, job change, someone important absent, etc)?

A child knows how they feel but can't express it well. Instead of trying to 'correct' her, try harder to 'understand' her (and the circumstances). I'm 50 and working with 2 mentally and physically challenged men, both 49, and it's like dealing with 2 giant 2-3 yr. olds. One can't talk and the other is terribly sensitive, requiring patience, understanding, & empathy (which I'm NOT good at!) so. I'm having to RE-learn basic 'childrearing' tactics! LOL

I have a sister who is nine years younger than me, and she had some temper issues at that age. Even though I was young, I remember some of it. She would even do things like pick up the end of the coffee table and slam it down repeatedly (we couldn't figure out how she could even lift it.) She was eventually diagnosed with dyslexia and once my mom started reading up on that she realized this had been an early sign. Dyslexia is a lot more than just reading things backwards (my sister never did this). There are lots of ways it manifests itself and there are some behavioral issues that go with it; some are very similar to ADD and some of the treatments are even the same.

My sister has been very successful in overcoming her dyslexia, and is almost done with her degree to be a special ed teacher, but she still has that temper. She has just learned to control it. You should ask your pediatrician about any behavioral issues, and even if it is too early to tell with any of the possible disorders she could have, at least you might know what to look for, for dyslexia or anything else it could be. And there is always the possibility it could be nothing, but knowledge is your best friend. Talk to your doctor, and good luck.

I tell my 13 month old when she throws the temper tantrum "let me know when you are done" And I walk off-no audience, no tantrum! You could also move her to a pack and play, tell her her behavior is unacceptable and put her in there for 1 minute or until she stops crying.

What does DD mean? My daugher 18 months is a fireball too. She gets so frustrated because I don't understand her. She has hit herself a bit, not a lot, but I ignore the hitting and find something she likes to do. It gets her mind off of being frustrated and onto looking for sheep or birds outside. I love distractions, they are life saving for me.

J.

she sounds like my oldest son. He had anger issues at about her age. The most effective way to handle him was to absolutely NOT tollerate his behavior and his punishment always included putting him in his room to throw the tantrum. The door was always shut so he wouldn't be seen and he couldn't see the effect he was having on everyone around him. This usually difused the situation. (it's no fun throwing a tantrum when you are all alone. ) Stick with your usual way of handling bad behavior and try putting her in her room while she pouts or throws a fit. It's probably going to take some time to get through this, but I promise, it works.
*My son eventually reverted to banging his body against the door and yelling, but that only made things worse for him. I'd then have to go into the room, scold him, and put him into his bed. When this went on and on and on.... he got a swat on his bare leg. Nothing dramatic. Just a stinger that got his attention letting him know mom meant business. He got the point and mellowed out before too long. The trick is to be consistant with whatever you choose. Don't allow this to continue even if you are visiting the grandparents ,friends and even on play dates. Always make sure that whatever room she's left alone in is truly child safe. You could take along a play pen for the rooms that you aren't sure about.
Dr. James Dobson has a book out about raising strong willed children. It's a great book. You might want to get it for the years to come. She may challenge your stamina for a long time.
In the matter of the wills, parents can't afford to lose.
Good luck and God Bless,
L.

my mother used to say "I do not negotiate with terrorists" when we would do that. We banged our heads on the wall to get our way. She just stepped over us, told us where she would be when we finished the fit, we could come and join her.

ALso, toddlers have very limited vocabulary and sometimes not being able to express themselves is very frusterating and they only know a limited number of ways to get your attention. We taught my son signs and have never had trouble with tantrums until we got lazy and quit introducing new signs.

I would ignore it unless she is truly causing harm to herself or others. Do not raise your voice during an episode, it will just fuel her fire. Calmly say "i will be in the kitchen when you are finished." and walk away. I still use the terrorist comment ;) it helps me laugh a little inside so i dn't completely lose it with him.

hope you get somewhere with her. toddlers are trying, aren't they!

My daughter was doing the same thing around that age, she was also biting herself along with us, she is a few months older now and usually doesn't hit herself anymore, just screams when she is frustrated. My pediatrician said to ignore it and it will go away. Try and redirect her when she is frustrated and get her to do something else. It will take a while but eventually it will get better.

S. F

Leah,
I'm also a SAHM and my daughter will be 2 y.o. on Sunday. She too went through this phase at around 18 months. It really upset me at first, but after talking to a friend w/ a daughter the same age, I discovered this is not out of the ordinary. She advised me to ignore my daughter when she had temper tantrums and would hit herself. As hard as it was, I took her advice and it really seemed to help. She rarely hits herself anymore and her tantrums have diminished. Good luck and hang in there.

S.

How does your daughter interact with other people? Not to alarm you, but I have a friend who's daughter did this and she was finally diagnosed with asperger's (high functioning autism). I would speak to your daughter's pediatrician about it. If you determine that there is nothing else going on, try reading Dr. Dobson's "The Strong Willed Child". Good luck

What do you do when she does this? My son is a strong-willed little thing. He used to do something similar- he would bang his head on the floor when he didn't get his way. We just ignored it and walked out of the room. It was so funny because he would come and find me and start all over again. I would again just walk into another room and go about my business. When he figured out there would be no reaction from me, he stopped. Good luck!

To me, that is a bit much. You might talk to her doc about this. I would begin by ignoring it. Step over her and leave her area. She must be getting lots of attention with this behavior. Out in the store? Pick her up and go to the car, and go home without talking to her.

Just ignore her when she acts like that. I mean turn around and walk off. Let her pitch a fit if she wants but tell her that she can do it by herself because you don't have to put up with it and you don't intend to. See if that helps at all.
Hope it works.
I will tell you a little story. I also have a strong willed little girl with a little bit of a temper on her. I took her for a walk in the stroller made for jogging. We were gone for 1 hr and I thought that she would never make it. To my surprise, when we got home, she pitched a little fit because she wasn't ready to quit. She stomped into the front yard whining and I just walked into the house. I left the door cracked so she could just push it to come in. I washed her out of the window but didn't want her to know that. She started really crying and screaming and stomped over to the door. I ran into the kitchen really quick because I didn't want her to know that I was watching and cared. As soon as she saw that she could get into the house she pushed it open and didn't see me so she stopped crying, walked into the kitchen where I was at and I had a big smile on my face and said, "oh, did you decide to come in? Wanna eat?" She looked up at me and said, "Go again". Since then, she has never pitched a little fit when we come in, however we always go midmorning so when we come home she immediately says, "eat". (She is almost 2 yr old).
I hope this helps. Just stick with it and don't baby her when she does it and try not to lose your patiens... just try to walk away.
Good luck

She's one...terrible twos a bit early perhaps. It'll probably pass, if not you could always talk to her pediatrician and maybe he'll have the answer. I wouldn't worry to much about it right now. She's probably seeing what she can get by with.

Let her have a tantrum! She won't hurt herself she is just testing your endurance. When she sees your disapproval she will stop. Just try and be patient. This is probably just a phase and it will stop.

Gosh! With one so young, this is really a tough call. Is she mature enough to have a give-and-take conversation (on her level of course)? If so, try to talk to her about it; ask her why she does these things. In all likelihood it is just her expression of frustration over something and she doesn't really understand it herself. Let her know that, when she does things to hurt herself, it makes Mommy sad and ask her to come to you instead when she wants to do something like that (hitting/biting herself, etc.) At 17 months, you may have to offer a lot of probative questions to get to the root of her behavior. "Are you mad when you do that?" "Why are you mad? What makes you mad?" "Do you want to hurt Mommy's little girl?" etc.

There could be an emotional issue that you would want to talk to a doctor about. Both slower developing as well as children far above the learning curve become frustrated at such a young age at their inability to convey their thoughts or emotions. This often manifests itself in self-distructive behavior. (When they get older, unfortunately, it is the highly intelligent ones who tend to have the greatest adaptive problems.) So you might want to discuss this with your pediatrician.

In all likelihood, however, this is something she will grow out of, though it may take a year or more to do so. But she will need guidance from you to help her understand her feelings and find different ways of expressing herself.

Just remember, the two keys to good parenting are love and patience.

Good luck.

Addendum: Kathy S.'s response is dead on as far as the immediate response to a tantrum. If you are out in public and she begins this behavior take your shopping to the service desk, let them know you will be back for it, leave the store and go home. No conversation. No argument. No recrimination.