Seeking Moms Whose Husbands Travel

I can relate! My husband's job either has him traveling or working late (until 9 or 10 sometimes). I have three boys: twins and big brother is 19 months older. When the twins were first born I just about went crazy because I pretty much had zero help from him. We decided to get a babysitter in for a couple hours one or two nights a week. It really didn't cost much at $10/hr. I found the evenings to be the worst because of the whole bedtime routine. Also, I found just getting out a little bit during the day, even for a walk helped me feel better. Don't worry, you'll get into a groove before you know it. My boys are now 3 1/2 and the 2 and I can do it all on my own! Feel free to vent to me if you need to!

Honestly ? I think with the ages of your kids, and the fact that you have a newborn, too, I suspect you'd feel overwhelmed right now even if your husband worked locally all week. The difference is that HE gets away from it all, and can relax a couple of nights a week -- IF he relaxes, living in a hotel room. There's a downside to being away from home -- while you can get a lot of work done at night, it's lonely, and he's probably not all that happy with the traveling either.

Do you have friends with similarly aged kids ? If so, make dates to spend time together during the day, with your kids. When I was a single mom, my sister and I decided to join the Y -- we got family memberships, and one night a week (on a bath night, actually) we would eat supper together, at her house or mine, then go to the Y for family swim, she and her hub, and kids, and "us". The kids all took their own showers. and by having her there with me in the locker room, we could juggle whichever kids needed attention between us. It ended up being a fun night for them, and good relational time for me, too. :-) (Of course, you have a newborn, so you might also want Grandma to take the infant or something for an hour or so -- or to come and hold the baby while you play with the others)

If you can come up with fun things to do, and do them with adult friends who also have kids, at least you will have something to look forward to while he is away. Other options? Zoo memberships, if you live near one. A family membership is much cheaper than paying to go regularly, and the kids really enjoy the animals, even seeing the same ones over and over again. They will decide upon favorites and want to see them.

The hardest thing is right now. The baby is little, you're probably not getting much sleep, and everyone needs MOM. It's hard sometimes, to do even 1 more thing, but if you can come up with something everyone likes to do, (go to the playground, whatever), the older kids will be excited and will help get ready to go. That part is a bonus, while your trying to get yourself and the baby up and out. :-)

hi M.,
daddy is part of this ' overwhelmed' situation. if their are not any trusted family members that can really h-e-l-p you at this time [ you need rest]
daddy should , as a man and father, h-i-r-e you h-e-l-p... asap . either a cleaning service , a nanny , a babysitter to take the older ones to park etc ... until you get back on your feet .
nothing wrong w/ asking for h-e-l-p ...it is healthy for all involved.
[ even if you silently hate your mother-in-law... and she is available ... just take her up on the help ] you both are too busy and tired to fight !!!!
daddy has to provide help if he is a bsent .
kindly,
a grammy who would love to help

My husband is in the Marine Corps and has done everything from being gone for 6 months in combat, to being on ship back to back on 6 month floats, to leaving for exercises for anywhere from 2-6 weeks at a time. Two years ago we moved here to PA where he was recruiting and his hours were ridiculous, working 90+ hours a week on good weeks. Thankfully after a year he was brought over here to the main office and works better hours, 65+ hours when he doesn't have to drive out of town.

Through all of that, you learn how to cope. One big thing is to keep the children's regular routine and schedule so they feel as stable and "normal" as possible. This is a must! If you have to write down your own chore list of basics to keep up on things, do it. The two older kids can help around the house and can have a chore list as well, with rewards.

One thing Dad can do when the kids are missing him is have him make a movie for them! This was a giant hit for my 14 year old when he was just 3. We called it "The Daddy Movie". Still have it too, lol. Dad did it in parts before he left. He read books, did flash cards to help him learn his alphabet, numbers and colors while he was away. He did puzzles on the floor and talked about trips we had taken, all put on video. My son loved it! With one book, Dad said, "Go get your Lion King book and Dad will read it to you." Every single time I had to stop the tape while he ran and got his book, lol. Years later when the triplets came along, Dad was gone while they were infants and I'd play it for them so they could keep his voice familiar and just watch it in their bouncer or when they learned to crawl they'd crawl over to the TV and hit at it, lol.

Another thing I did was get a chewable photo book for infants and slid photos of Dad in it to keep his face familiar.

Keeping family photos up all over the walls is a big thing too, in every room.

Keep extra photo albums available for the kids to flip through at their leasure.

Use family photos on your computer as your screen saver. Update it often. My 4 year old triplets will still sit in the computer chair and just stare at all the pictures.

Be sure when Dad is home that he pitches in and gives you a break to soak in the tub or go our with the girls, then he can spend time with the children and do diaper duty, lol.

Be sure to go on date nights with hubby twice a month when possible.

Have a babysitting swap with friends. Take turns watching each other's kids so you have time to go out as well.

Be sure to enlist friends and family in babysitting when possible. Do a chore for them or bake them a casserole as payment.

Now that the warmer weather is here, go for lots of walks and get outside when you can. The sunshine and warmth can give you all a well needed break and not feel so cooped up. Winter and pregnancy must have been confining so get out when you can, even a walk in the mall.

Stay in touch with people! Call and email often to people. This helps with venting and getting some much needed adult conversations. Join some online chat groups either local to find out what's going on in the area, or an interest group with something that you enjoy. Contact with others helps very much!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat
chat and events within 2 hour radius

I know he is working hard to take care of the family. Let him know how you feel. If he is home on the weekend may be can take the girls out for part of the day and you can hang out with your baby boy. I know you are tired with a newborn and two younger children. You could even reach out to the family and let them know also that you need some help. May be they can take the girls and give you some time with just the baby. It will get better. It is an adjustment right now. Good luck

When you said, 'just' had baby number three - how new is the baby? If he's only a few week's old etc, I'd say you might need to get the troops mobilized for a while to make sure you are looking after yourself and getting enough rest. There is nothing worse than being exhausted by the night feeds and a sleepless baby and then not getting to have any rest when he rests during the day.

Can you ask your mother or mother in law to come and stay for a while to let you recover from the birth and get your energy back? Are you making sure you take post-natal vitamins? I over-exhausted myself after the birth of just one son (with no family around to help) and ended up getting hypo-thyroidism which was undiagnosed for several months, and it was absolute hell. I'd hate for anything similar to happen to you (or anyone!) and it just really pays to do whatever you can to get some help (paid or unpaid - mother's helper is a great idea) just to preserve your health and sanity!

I HEAR YA! My husband is a touring musician, and on years during an album cycle he is literally never home. I'm due with #3 in July, and except for July and September, he will be gone the whole entire year. My other two are 3 and 19 months.

I LOVE IT! I am so fortunate not to be working full time right now, so here is how I deal with the day to day mommish-ness:

1) Great discipline. You CANNOT have the kids running you ragged with bad behavior, Whining, bratting out, throwing fits, wrecking the house-I have friends whose husbands are HOME and they're on stress meds. That is the number one stress causer for moms. We have none of that. My kids are a pleasure to be with out and about on errands, or home. My three year old helps me clean the house. (In exchange for books, music and activities of her choice afterwords of course-or "her" shows on Noggin if I'm too tired to deal)

I focus our energy on making sure we have good fun days, healthy food, lots of interaction, and When I need momma time, I drag them to the gym or I tell them to play by themselves. I feel so lucky to be home with them right now. You have to count your blessings EVERY DAY and take it one day at a time. Don't sweat the chores that pile up etc. Be in the moment, and keep the big picture in view. You'll only live through this age once, and your kids look to you for their daily outlook on life. Be happy so they are!

The hardest thing is lack of creative time for myself, but I look at this as temporary. You just have to count your blessings. That's the key.

And definitely get help while your hormones are still baked and you're sleep deprived from the littlest one!

Hi M.,

Get you an appointment book with 5 columns. Put the names at the top of each column.

Put in each column your routines.

When something really needs done. Ask for help.

Put time for yourself each day and time for you and your husband.

Get a babysitter to take time out for you and/or your husband.

Good luck. D.

my husband traveled 4 days a week for the first year and a 1/2 of our twins lives. I joined a gym that has a great child care facility - not expensive at all - and i went almost everyday - even if i just walked on the treadmill and read magazines. You can bring your stuff and shower - sit in the hot tub, sauna, take some time for yourself!!!

Perfectly normal those hormones are still rockin it will all work out and get better. When your hubby comes home tell him to step up you are tired and need a break. I remember balling my eyes out after my 1st baby about getting a new refrigerater he looked at me like i was crazy my hormones were racing it got better though it always does. Us woman are strong that is are nature that is why we are moms with the hardest job of raising kids and we come thru every time. hOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON

My husband travelled a lot when my kids were infants/toddlers. I tried to organize my life to make things easy for me. For exmaple, we turned what should have been a dining room into a safe playroom. It was next to the kitchen, living room and laundry room so my oldest could play safely in the playroom while my youngest napped in a basinette in the living room and I could find time to cook, clean and do laundry while keeping an eye on them. Other things that might be helpful:

When your husband is around and can lend a hand with the kids, cook extra meals to freeze or double up on a meal and freeze the leftovers. Simply thaw and heat them when he is out of town.

Join a mom's group. They can be helpful with babysitting, running errands, playdates, and moral support.

Hire a mothers helper - a younger child that maybe you wouldn't trust to babysit your children alone, but can play with your kids while you attend to the baby or other tasks.

When your husband is home insist on one night a week where you can leave the house to go to a coffee shop, have a night out with friends, catch up on errands - whatever you want to do without kids in tow.

Even if your other kids don't nap, insist on rest time every day. While they are all safely in their rooms, you also get some rest.

Best wishes to you!

I would say you can do what you can ahead of time (meal prep, freeze stuff). Try to get them in bed at an early hour so you have a little time to yourself in the evening to regroup/tidy up/etc. Two nights isn't so bad. If there are things you just can't get to--let them go. Concentrate on the basics: meals, playing with your kids and basic household tasks. Save most of your to-do list for the nights your husband is home. And I totally agree with the idea of getting out to do something-anything-on O. of the nights he is home! It could be worse, I have a neighbor whose husband is in Europe for weeks at a time.....Think of this as your job which supports his job that supports all of you! Good luck.