Let me start by saying that my mother-in-law and I have history. She is a great lady, but has a VERY strong personality, so we've butted heads in the past. So here's the latest situation. My three-year-old was at his grandparents' house last weekend. He stayed the night on Sunday and I picked him up on Monday. Anyway, when I showed up, my MIL casually mentioned that my son had been in the kitchen with her the night before and had burned his hand. Before I could say anything she told me that she just hadn't been fast enough to stop him from reaching up onto the stove, but that the burn wasn't bad and that there was barely a mark from it. She was very dismissive of it, and knowing how defensive she can be, I decided to let it go. The thing is, she knows that I don't want my son in her tiny kitchen (or anyone's) while she's using heating elements or knives. That's my rule. If she's making a sandwich, then it's fine. I've taught my son that knives are dangerous and stoves are hot, but that doesn't change the fact that he's three and can't make rational decisions. Well, that afternoon he got marker all over his hands so I went to help him wash up. When I touched his right hand, he started crying and saying, "ouch it hurts." I looked down and on the backside of it was not a little, insignificant burn, but a three inch, severe second degree burn. I was furious! Since Monday, the burn has slowly blistered on one end, then the middle and then the other end. It looks ten times worse now than it did on Monday and my son still cries when I put medicine on it, saying it still hurts. My dilemma is what to do. My MIL doesn't babysit that much, but there are times when I have to take the kids down to her to get things done. My husband is in the military and has been away for five months. But I can't in good conscience take my kids down there when there's a possibility something bad is going to happen to them because she won't follow a reasonable rule. The last time she and I talked about her not following rules, she told me that if I didn't like how she did things she wouldn't watch them. Shortly after that, we didn't see each other for eight months because of these issues. This was a couple of years ago. She is so defensive and stubborn that I'm afraid if I bring this up, she'll get angry, and that does no one any good. I'm just afraid next time my son Will pull a boiling pot of water over on his face. I'm stuck! Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!
Take your son back over to grandma's and show her how bad the burn has gotten. And if you can't guilt her into following your rules, then you'll be forced to stop using her for any kind of babysitting at all until your kids are old enough to control themselves. Being indulged by grandparents is acceptable. Being endangered by them is not.
T.,
I am a mom and a grandma so let me tell you that if my daughter or daughter-in-law walked in and told me how I was going to do things in my home I would react the same as your MIL did! And honestly, wouldn't you? If she came to your home and demanded that you did things her way, you would do them? Be realistic on that one. Your son is 3 and can enjoy many things with grandma, baking can be one of them as can cooking. You have to teach them that stoves are hot and will burn him, but to say, "don't let him in the kitchen while you cook" is a bit overboard.
I don't know if you will read all of this because of my view, but - get her some tea tree oil in case there is a burn, it helps keep the burn from blistering and will actually remove the sting from the burn. Melaleuca has these oils and they work great, I know because I used them when I burnt my hand!
In addition, keeping your children from their grandparents is cruel to your child! The love that grandparents have for their grandchildren is unconditional! By telling her that she isn't doing things your way and if she won't you won't bring the kids to her is emotional blackmail!
I would really rethink your position on this one. Sit down and talk to her and reach an agreement! My grandkids love to come and help bake cookies and cakes, it's something we have done together from the time they were little and a tradition that we cherish! Don't take away the memories that your son can build and treasure of his time with grandma just because she doesn't do things your way!
I hope that things work out well for you and your family, I grew up with no grandparents and felt I missed out on a lot. So think seriously about the consequences.
L.
My advice is different than the other two. She is not only your mother in law but she is your child's grandparent. There will be things you don't like about her but your child loves her unconditionally and that's an important relationship.
Think about whether your child will really be hurt or are you just annoyed that she doesn't do things the way you want? If it's truly dangerous disregard everything I say!! If she annoys you you have to decide what relationship you want your children to have with her.
On kitchen safety, I've had my kids in the kitchen with me from the beginning. We have rules but they cook and bake with me all the time. It terrifies my husband but I think those are important skills and it's memories we are making.
You are warranted in your concerns. Stop dancing on eggshells with MIL. She may have a history of getting away with manipulative behaviour in the past, and that is why she still does it. Instead, look deep for why she is so darned sensitive, and try to be respectful of that. Be firm on boundaries, but do it respectfully. Safety is crucial. She did tell you about it, and burns often appear mild then blister up later. I bet he cried alot because burns are extremely painful, and that is how I guage them. Three year olds do get away from you fast, and she probably is not used to how quick they can get into trouble. I am not making excuses, just laying out reality. Perhaps you could gently tell her how severe the injury was and that it required medical attention, etc. then next time I would decline any overnights, just make them short jaunts of babysitting until you feel comfortable with the safey factor. Perhaps you will just have to wait until your son is a little older and is less at risk for safety concerns. I would also make sure she has safety locks on all cabinets and doors over there.
Good luck!
My advice is to pretend your MIL doesn't live there anymore and find another way to get things done. That's what we've had to do here (different situation but same solution) even tho it means paying money towards sitters even for an hour's worth. If she wants to visit that's fine but until your son gets old enough to know better in a year or two he'll have to stay out of her house. Or you can chaulk it up to kids get hurt and they learn the hard way. Remind him every time he says it hurts to stay away from the stove. Hopefully that would cure any boiling water burns too :-)
