Daughter Changing Moods

If you think it may be hormonal try talking to her doctor about ideas to address the issue, but overall it does not sound uncommon for that age. Both of my boys, around the age of 12, got sullen and moody for about a year and then they just seemed to snap out of it. If she is feeling guilty or sad maybe see if she would like to talk to a counselor.

I agree with an outlet. For me it was music. I learned to play the guitar. It was a lifesaver.

I would get her involved in some kind of activity. Also make sure she’s getting enough rest and good food.

My daughter has classic PMS. I tried to encourage her in different ways but sometimes I would just tell her you need to go to your room. Please feel free to join us when you’re better. Exercise always helped her. It was obvious that my son 4 years younger asked why she was like that for 5 days or so.

I was determined she wasn’t going to be one of the women I used to work with who used her period for an excuse to behave badly. It was crazy to me that she got by with it too.

Calcium is supposed to help as well as the B vitamins. Yoga is also good and is a great way to help her with stress that will be around the corner in high school.

I remember being that moody around that age.
What worked for me was doing some heavy digging in my moms garden and yard work.
The work and sweat and just being able to think while doing it was a sort of meditation for me.
I was alone with my thoughts - no one would ever bother me in the garden and certainly no one else wanted to get dirty or muddy.
Gardening for me - even today - is a full contact sport!
Just getting exhausted and sore muscles and blistered hands (even if I wore gardening gloves) and having the flowers bloom - it was taking my foul mood and turning it into something positive - that eventually made me feel pretty good.

Your 12 yr old needs an outlet - something to do that will help her sweat it out.
Have her clean out the garage or wash and vacuum your car or plan a garden for the spring.

I'm sorry, and I understand having daughters that are now 16 and 18. This is such a tough age for girls! Everyone is so insecure, popularity and social status awareness is in full ramp up. There's a lot of snotty behavior constantly going around with kids that age at school. Sometimes kids just copy other kids' moods and try on what they are exposed to. I would talk to her and keep a close eye out to see if someone or some group is being mean to her. My youngest also has a tougher time than most controlling her crankiness. I think it's so good and insightful for your daughter to be able to express her feelings to you. Clearly, she understands this is an issue, and she wants to feel better. What if you gently asked her if she would like to talk to a therapist about getting some help with her moods? It's a positive thing if she goes in with the approach that SHE is choosing to seek some help, supported by you.

Other than that, some kind of physical activity as an outlet. Join a YMCA or something that has things to get her moving.

It could be hormones, even though she hasn't gotten her period or developed many secondary sexual characteristics. In fact, if other girls are more developed, she may be feeling some pressure (from them or from general society) that she's "delayed" in some way.

Also, social dynamics change a lot at this age. Kids are in and out of friendships, distracted by older kids and the lure of "going out" and so on, so she may be experiencing some feelings of "betrayal" by friends and that's ticking her off. Is her class very involved in cliques? Sometimes, at this age, kids evolve and mature, and they find that their old group isn't really their cup of tea, but they are nervous about moving beyond to other groups. So loyalties ebb and flow, and that's stressful. She may feel secure with those she has known longer, but also feel they aren't all that aligned with her personality or interests anymore. Hence, the conflict.

I think she needs to find something that appeals to her skills and interests, and that mix her with different groups of kids. That helps her find an area of expertise and achievement, and also keeps her from being with just one group of friends all the time.

I think it's wise to slowly and gently talk about women and teens supporting each other and allowing for differences. Putting each other down and being rude just doesn't fly anymore. With all the talk (in the news, in schools, etc.) about not listening to women and girls, it's a good time to say, in words that make sense for you and your daughter, "Look, you don't want to be pushed around and you don't want to be abused. So you can't disrespect other females yourself."

I also think you should be alert to possible early signs of depression. Whether that is going on or needs to be addressed is up to you and perhaps a doctor or counselor or school psychologist, but just be open to it. You might call the school psychologist and state your concerns, and have that professional keep an eye out to see what's going on during the school day. That will give you a better perspective on what's going on when you aren't there.

ooh Jaimie - this is puberty. Yours just hit it later than most! Most girls hit it at 9.

One of the questions I would ask - and it will be a tough one - is if someone has touched her inappropriately? Being angry MIGHT be a symptom of a problem she doesn't want to tell you about - this is WORST CASE scenario. I could be reaching. I HOPE I'm reaching.

How to make her "less" moody? Listen to her. Let her vent. Go running with her. Go for a walk with her. DO something with her that doesn't involve electronics.

Dark chocolate will help too.
Take her to the doctor and find out if there is a chemical/hormonal imbalance as well. There could be MANY reasons for it. I just hope it's puberty.

I also vote try Midol. Another thing that really helped my girls was exercise. All three played a sport and engaged in fairly regular exercise. They said it helped them feel happy, plus kept them busy.

I think the only red flag I see is the fact that it seems so constant . . . sure, hormones can really take a toll on someone, but it is really constant or does it just kind of seem that way. It is truly seems all the time, I think I'd also have a blood panel drawn to check for anemia, etc. If she is tired or run down, that can lead to crabbiness.

Oh, I don't think 13 is "late" at all. I believe the average puberty age for girls is 10 - 14. And while there has been an increase in early puberty over the last 15 years, 9 yrs is not yet the "norm", nor is 13 considered "late".

More than likely she is fixing to start her period. Their hormones start going nuts before hand
If you think that her moodyness is out of control you might talk to her Dr. Or a councillor. Sometimes teens just need a sounding board that is not family even if you are able to talk openly. Which I think is great. Some times they need someone that knows how to get to the core of how she's feeling.

This sounds like the ride most of us are on when our daughters become teens.
It WILL get better.

Just be there for her and understand that she is confused with her emotions and moods herself. It sounds like she may be about to start her period. Midol could possibly help and/or talking to the pedi.

For the record, my now 23 year old is my rock and we are very close. It DOES get better.

Best wishes!

it could be hormonal, and probably hormones play into a great deal of it.

i hesitate to blame everything on hormones, though. 180 personality changes that don't fluctuate with menses aren't attributable to puberty and nothing else. and women too often blame their own nastiness on their uteri.

i'm glad you two talk openly and have a close relationship. it's better yet that the bitchiness is directed to others and not you! (j/k.) but it may be that she needs someone else to open up to. a favorite aunt, a teacher, a counselor perhaps. if this is depression-related you don't want to let it slip.

the first positive step that comes to mind is for her to fall in love- not with an icky boy, but with a lifelong passion for something. by 13 most girls have shown some sort of inclination toward SOMETHING. horses, space travel, cross stitch, long distance running, table tennis, poetry. i'd find opportunities to immerse her in something and let her run with it.

it's hard to be moody when you're on fire.
khairete
S.

One of the moms on here recommended giving a Midol. I have boys, so I didn't try that. I took Midol with periods when I was young.

You might just try it and see if it makes any difference. I certainly wouldn't do it on a continuous basis, but see if it works and then assess.