Tween Growing Pains?

Updated on January 29, 2013
R.G. asks from San Clemente, CA
12 answers

My 11 year old niece (who we adopted 6 yrs ago) is "growing up" her breasts are tender and budding.. over xmas break she had some spotting and has had some discharge here and there. She is very sweet and well tempered and mannered normally....but since xmas she has been very emotional, stressed, stomping, screamig, tired and I dont know how to help her manage all of this... any suggestions? Does midol help? with moodswings?

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K.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

Omega-3's. Fish or fish oil, flaxseed oil, walnuts. It must really suck for her, this sudden change of hormones :(

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S.W.

answers from Minneapolis on

It may help for her to know more about why she is feeling this way. Have you gotten her the book "The Care and Keeping of You" from American Girl. I got it for my daughter when she was 9 (she's 10 now) and it has been helpful for her. It covers all areas of puberty - physical and emotional changes. It does not cover sex.

Regular exercise is very helpful for moods, cramps, and anything else that goes with cycles. If she isn't very physically active, I'd do what is possible to encourage that.

4 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

R.:

aaaahhh the joys of having a daughter!! :)

My daughter went from a sweet, loving girl to a monster at 9 to 11 as her hormones changed. She is going to be 27 this year. So it's been a long time since I've had to deal with a girl's hormonal swings....sorry!!

I don't believe that midol helps with mood swings. Talk with your pediatrician to find out if there is something natural you can do to help...maybe change her diet to include more vitamins, etc.? I don't know. I know that for my daughter - we changed to non-processed foods - still had them - just not in the quantities we were doing...

GOOD LUCK!!!

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Grown women have PMS too, like that.
With a Teen, I really feel bad for them, I mean it REALLY is not fun or pleasant and PMS is so miserable.... even for adult women.
So just imagine, how it is for child/Teen.
But for a Teen/child, they are expected to just behave/have no mood swings/and to act rationally. But their body is changing in mega watts.

Hormonal swings, up and down, are as such. PMS, periods, developmental changes. Even grown women don't know what to do about their own PMS or how to handle it.

Midol, only helps with bloating or cramping. Not the moodiness with PMS.
Even for me at times, PMS moodiness is just so crappy. But I take some natural stuff, from Whole Foods, that helps a lot and exercise. So its not as bad now.

Maybe see a Naturopathic doctor.

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L.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think it's a good idea to have her keep a journal, and have her track her cycle, her moods, and also it gives her a creative outlet for all of that emotional tension. It'll give her a point of reference to see if there is something cyclical about her moods, and it will help her keep track of her physical changes as well.
11 is a tough year in general, usually big change in the social life at school, tons of new pressure from peers, friends, boys, etc. It always seems like the tweens with a structured activity always do better with these transitions - they have confidence, self-awareness that helps them rise above it all. Maybe get her involved with a sport, a cultural activity or something that will keep her confidence and social engagement high, especially during this life change.

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M.W.

answers from Chicago on

She may in fact be dealing with PMS and what 11 y/o understands PMS??? I'm learning to be more sensitive to my tween's time of the month. But when we both PMS at the same time, it's a crazy house let me tell you!!! So I caught on fast so I can help her through this! And when she asks for chocolate I go get it!!! Oh and daughter got her period at age 9 like I did. So..... it's a hard transition but she'll be 11 in March and seems to be doing well with her biological changes.

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L.H.

answers from Abilene on

R.,

God bless you as you care for your daughter. You are a remarkable woman and I admire you! :)

I have a 13 year old daughter. She is sweet and kind although can be high strung at times. She has had her period for over a year now. She becomes moody/irritable before her cycle. Her skin is clear all the time except for about a week before her period. When I see pimples showing up I know we're entering the zone :) After a couple of months, I decided to talk to her about how she feels/behaves the week before. I work with her on self control all the time. In my opinion, discussing it (when she's not in the middle of it) was a good thing. I explained to her that sometimes before her period because of all the hormones, she may feel more irritable/grumpy and that's a part of it. HOWEVER it is NOT an excuse to make others around you miserable. (Personally I can't stand it when we don't take responsibility for our behaviors and blame it on a condition, especially when it comes every month). I told her that when she starts to feel that way, she needs to take care of herself. Either go for a walk, take a bubble bath, draw, whatever. That I understand what she's going through because I've been on this path for 40 years. Recently she's started with cramping a couple of days before her period as well. That didn't start until she had had her period for close to a year. If I see her becoming irritable, I discreetly (she has a brother) let her know what I'm noticing and give her the opportunity to self correct. I also emphasize she needs to make sure she gets extra rest as well. She is very huggy so extra hugs and love are in order as well.

Now the kicker...my daughter has her period and I started through the lovely journey of menopause within 6 months of each other. If that doesn't prove God has a sense of humor, I don't know what does! :)

Blessings to you!
L.

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B.H.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi R., please don't give your niece Midol. Becoming a woman is scary enough without having to sorry about what medications can do to a child.
This is a time of great change and great excitement, and great fear, for everyone involved.
Emotions do not need to be "controlled" by medication. They need to be understood and felt. Please, simply love your niece, let her know that what she is feeling is completely normal and it will ease up. There are many natural products you can offer her to help her balance out her emotions. Tumeric and Cumin (two spices often found in curries) really help with any discomfort she may be feeling. If you want to chat about more, please send me a PM.
In the meantime, just relax, love her and show her how important it is to love herself.

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D.F.

answers from Boston on

Well puberty has knocked on your door. Get her what she may need for her menstrual cycle , make sure she knows whats happening to her. Even thou she will not want to hear it. Go bra shopping with her. Make sure she gets sleep. Eats well. And then take her to get her nails done. Have some fun. Maybe get her hair done...something she may enjoy. As long as she stays respectful that is. Do not let her become unruly. Good luck!

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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

My niece is going through the same thing. It started at 12. She's 13. Midol does help with the cramps. I suggest yoga and acupuncture. They are both calming and acupuncture can help keep the mood swings in place. I started going for acupuncture when I was 31 years old. I went for asthma but it got rid of my cramps and PMS. I would go once a month for a boost and it never came back. Not everyone is open to it but if she is really bad it could help. Otherwise yoga and exercise can help. Good luck!

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K.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Well, I had taken a sexual development class last semester and it went in depth with what to expect... can't recall most but what I do remember is that kids go through mental and emotional puberty up to 2 yrs before they actually start their period. My daughter is now 11 yrs old and she has been starting to show signs of sensitivity (different from when she was younger), irritability and so forth. I found the best thing to do is talk to them about what to expect physically, emotionally and mentally. Not saying to disregard their complaints and cries as just "hormonal" but be there to talk to them and let them be heard as a person, as an individual. I tell my daughter "Congratulations hun!" when I see certain changes through milestones so she doesn't hate being female either. I think as they get older they want acceptance, understanding, and a chance to feel responsible but it's important to inform them of all situations and let them make the decision and just be there whatever the outcome may be.
Good luck with everything! It's a battle within myself everyday to do the same.
I think it's great that you have adopted your niece for whatever reason that may be...it takes a lot to not only open your home, your family, but your heart. Bless ;)

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D.A.

answers from San Diego on

I would talk to her. Dr. She could have pmdd it can't hurt and the dr will be able to give u more detailed info about what's going on and maybe give u a rx for the symptoms I realy don't know if midol helps with depress and mood swings. Their are a lot of natural things you could try maybe google if you don't want to go the meds route. I hope everything works out ok for her good luck

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