Best Way to Handle a Bully in the Family When Parents Do Not Do ANYTHING About I

This is sticky because it's family. We had a similar situation with a friend. I tried talking to the mom, talking with the child, giving the child other outlets for her anger while I was watching her. My #1 priority is that my kids have to be able to rely on me to protect them. So I told both the girl and the mom that if there was violence during this visit I was very sad to say that she would not be able to come to our house the next week. And that I hoped she could follow our house rules because we really enjoyed her company. The relationship fizzled away for us after that, which wasn't the end of the world since obviously the kids were not compatible.

But in your case this is family so I would really brainstorm with your sister. Don't blame her parenting or the child - bring up the behavior only and that you can't allow your children to be at the receiving end of violence. They may not know what to do and are struggling here. Maybe bringing it up will help them realize they must find help in ending the behavior, the sooner the better.

Our rule, incidentally, (I have a 1-year-old who is now struggling with not being 'mean') is that if you do something that hurts another person then you are not allowed to be around people for a while; you are removed immediately. You have to play by social rules to be in social situations.

Hi C.,

It is ALL relative. I agree her mother and father are not doing enough, but you can intervene on your children's behalf. I tend to go a little "she bear" on some kids that get to bullish. I use the ole finger poke. It doesn't hurt, but it makes the point. I don't always induce tears but sometimes I do. I insist that my own kids are not bullies and they get the same thing. Bend down to her level and use your index finger. While telling her "You will not hit my KIDs" Emphasis on "Not Hit My kids". She's little so don't push too hard but a tap or too in the sternum area and sternly, but gently read her "the riot act" Go protective mommy on her. (Especially in your house) Or simply scoop her up and hand her to dad and tell them "I don't allow my children to behave this way, please discipline your daughter". "I worry your child will hurt someone and at my house we don't deliberately hurt people." That's probably all you have to say.

It is hard, especially when dealing with family members. The most important thing to remember is how not only the actions of this little girl are affecting your daughters, but YOUR non-action. Bullying is a serious problem - coming from a person who as a child, let a "bully" pinch her cheeks until they were red and chapped... the only thing that stopped that was a parent who was watching out for her daughter. Is she out there still pinching cheeks? I don't know, but she stopped doing it to me.

You HAVE to look out for your own kids, because they are paying attention to how deal with these issues. By not saying anything to the child, you are in fact letting your daughters know that being bullied is something to be tolerated and letting your neice know that her behavior is acceptable.

Next time it happens, I would tell the child that it is unacceptable behavior (making sure to be a good example to your daughters) which will probably, hopefully, open the lines of communication with your in-laws about their daughter's behavior.

Good Luck!

I am a bit extreme on this as I was child who was bullied and who parents rarely if ever did anything about it :( OK so what that this is family? Would you stand by as a total stranger did this to your children? I guess not... First, you have let this go on way too long and have enabled your relatives to have poor parenting at your house... by letting them just say words without actions and by your inaction, you are training your DDs to allow it to happen to them... Do they not come tell you? If they do and you do nothing then that even more so solidifies the fact that they can be bullied. I am sure that's not the case though :) We need to empower our children to not let bulling happen to them... so this is how I handle it in all situations no matters whose kid it is... First, if the other parent sees the action I always let them have first step on parenting and I talk with my kids. I have had many parents do the same as your relatives so in this talk with my kids I remind them to come tell me if anything else happens that it's unacceptable to be treated this way. I am not big on tattling but sometimes it's acceptable when it's about being hurt... the next time I then talk with the child and esp. if it's at my house I tell them what's not acceptable and if they do it again they must stay with their parents.. That usually fixes it... I am very loving how I approach it but also no nonsense as well... keep it age appropriate meaning short... and the 3rd time you must follow through. Tell the child they have to stay with the parents now and escort her there tell the parents what happened and the consequence... this models both consistency and good parenting to them. this is of course all easier at your own house where you can use the my house my rules card :) so when I am out I tell the child I will take them to their parents which I then do it's up to the parents if they keep the child close to parent better.. Some do some don't... but I repeat the child returning as many times as it takes to get the point across to the parent... if it's a complete stranger you can tell after one or two times if they are doing anything and then you have to decide whether to leave the area or not. now one word of advice anytime you take a child to their parents no matter if it's a stranger or relative, always always always do it with a smile and a happy attitude.. That smoothes over so much... And keeps the parents from just focusing on the bad attitude anyways I HTH and anything that sounded harsh wasn't meant to come out that way... like said I am just very sensitive to this