C.,
I am a mom with three girls, two of whom are in the public school system at similar age / stage. Since October, I've become increasingly involved with safety concerns in our district and have been doing a LOT of research in this area. I recommend you pick up a book called Safe At School - Awareness and Action for Parents and Kids Grades K-12 by Carol Silverman Saunders. Also, a great book that has stats re: things like bullying and other behaviors on the rise in our nation (which is connected to so many other issues in our culture - that effect children and their welfare / future) is Born To Buy, by Juliet Schor. In her book, she talks about the new "Alpha Girl" as well. Both great resources with lots of helpful ideas - easy reading, plain English.
I also recommend that all of us parents get more up to speed on the issue of safety - there's a lot of very good reasons to be more informed! A good place to start is the National Crime Prevention Council's website. Did you know that you can take advantage of FREE and helpful publications on this stuff - you can either view them online or call request hard copies (all sent to you free) - I just received a stack and some titles are very good! Their site is http://www.ncpc.org and one feature on preventing bullying is at http://www.ncpc.org/newsroom/current-campaigns/bully-prev... - you'll find a lot of other stuff available there, as mentioned.
I will also share my personal view as, along with all recent research and participation (which I NEVER expected I'd be doing), I've come to the new understanding that, regardless of how busy we are as parents, it's actually OUR job to get in and ensure our children are safe at school - OUR job to recognize that these are OUR schools, effectively, and we have a responsibilty beyond paying taxes and voicing concerns. This can be a tough pill to swallow in light of all the demands on our time - it's hard enough to do what we do in any given day, let alone make time to get involved at school. But - it's vital that we do.
Also, I believe that Schools and principals and teachers mean well and are doing the very best job they can with the resources they have. I believe they are sincere. However, they have concerns that aren't always the exact same as ours (makes sense - their daily reality isn't the exact same as ours). They have a unique perspective to parents, as they deal with ALL kinds of issues, parents, etc. Silverman has some great suggestions on how to work with the schools to get what you want, on behalf of your child(ren) and all the other children who are equally deserving of safety and security while at school. She also suggests we parents go to the local library and browse some issues of Principal Magazine - just to familiarize ourselves with how principals may think about parents (at least, as represented in this type of publication - she points to common titles like, "Parents Say the Darnedest Things" and "Whine Busters" and "Five Strategies for Managing Angry Parents"). Again, my opinion - but I think it's good to appreciate how we may not always see eye-to-eye and that, just because we don't, doesn't mean parents have to take a back seat - public schools are our schools, by definition, so we definitely have a responsibility to speak up and get involved.
The other thing I'll just mention is that, just the week before last, we had FIVE school shootings in our nation (in one week!). At this point in our history, I truly believe it's important for us parents to insist on making time (together), to work toward changing things for which we share an obviously valid concern in our schools - making sure our children (AND OUR TEACHERS - children are not the only ones at risk when things go wrong...) are being kept safe to the degree WE expect, not just the degree others believe is 'safe enough' or 'handled' for us (whatever meets given standards / criteria), by law.
I can tell, by your email, your daughter has a great example being set at home - you're not afraid to ask questions, get involved and problem-solve. My feeling would be, if the measures that are being taken still leave your child with anxiety, stress or fear (in or out of the classroom - and the playground is a whole different subject!), then there need to be other measures taken, to ensure this issue is not impacting her AT ALL, in her daily routine. A ZERO tolerance on the part of the school should mean exactly that - ZERO. How can children learn if they're stressed about their own safety in school? In your case, it actually sounds like the school is responding to you so far - so you are likely in a great position to get somewhere on this for your daughter - it may not be the solution that works entirely best for her/you YET, but it doesn't sound like they've totally ignored your concerns, whis is a GREAT thing!).
Challenging as it is, making some time for this critical subject in our already crazy-busy lives is crucial. I am an entrepreneurial mom, so I know well what you mean by working full time - but I've come to a point where all my research leads me to the understanding that I can't NOT make time for safety concerns - there are issues, currently, that we cannot afford to ignore... It's an even more challenging thing for parents who aren't incredibly active PTA volunteers, showing up at all the meetings or volunteering in the classroom all the time. But, just because a parent can't be there 24/7 or have the flexibility to pull their child or whatever - that doesn't mean they have any less right to protection for their child.
Like I say, I've come to appreciate that schools have a LOT to do each day and all kinds of parents to deal with. While it's my instinct to rush in and say - this is a problem, fix it - I've come to realize that I owe more to the situation. I have to help the school toward achieving a result. And it's clear by your email that you care enough about your daughter to make some time to do that for her. You shouldn't have to pull her from school and you should be able to go to work with peace of mind, knowing she's relaxed and not in a situation of risk to her personal safety. So - good for you for posting this concern! I thank you for the opportunity to see that there is yet one more parent out there who is willing to reach out and problem-solve on this subject. Our children are SO important! You are a fabulous mom for doing more than wringing your hands in worry - you have taken steps and they will lead you on to more steps that will, ultimately, benefit your child (and others, likely, as well!).
Best,
T.