Baby Doesn't like to Snuggle???

My son was like this, did not like to be held for very long at all and it was so hard when friends and family came over to visit! He is 3 1/2 now and still very much likes to have his personal space. I get snuggles and bed time and when he is sick. It's just the personality he was born with! I feel for you. Luckily I got a snuggler the second time around.

Yes My daughter is not a snuggler. When you pick her up she squirms and squirms till you can't take it anymore and have to put her down again. My son was the exact opposite. He loved to cuddle. I guess everyone is unique. Doesn't sound like you have anything to worry about.

My in-laws were convinced that my son hated them because he pushed away and cried when they tried to hold him. I told them over and over, "TURN HIM AROUND." He liked to be held with his back to your front, so he could look out at the world. They always tried to hold him front facing front, and he hated it! Since your son likes being on his back on the floor, I'll bet he'd like being held facing away, too. Now, years later, he's vey huggy, but I don't think he would be if I hadn't done what he liked when he was small.

Hi, this was an interesting scenario that I could relate to and give a bit of insight, hopefully. I think that such a young baby is probably having a different reason for his not liking to be held. there are just so many things it could be, but the good thing is, within the next month or so (about 3 to 4 mos), they really do settle down a bit as far as having a more comfortable tummy, more settled patterns of sleep, etc. etc. etc. So hopefully, some maturity will help him to want to be snuggled a bit more. but I also wanted to tell you that many babies, especially first-borns, are not big into being held or hugged or touched in certain ways. I've read quite a bit about it and studied it too (child development) and it's just the way he might be. My oldest was that way, but I found other ways to be physical with him. Of course I mean when he's old enough, but tickling, rough housing and playing are super ways to have a really close relationship. I'd say if he loves to be on the floor - let him as much as possible. He also may be uncomfortable being held by others for now. that will change eventually. Mainly, all babies come with a temperament and you can't go against it - go with it and help guide him, but don't force things.
I hope that helps,
M.

What many have hinted at is that your child may be introverted, which simply means he's very sensitive to stimulation. Bouncing, talking, and squeezing, seem over whelming to him. My in-laws jostled and bounced non stop when they took care of my infant son. After a couple of hours with them he would scream all afternoon. I mean two to four hours of crying his heart out, unable to sleep. If your son has no other medical issues this is a matter of treating him differently than you have been. When you pick him up do so slowly and quietly. Hold him gently, and above all be still. Less is better, if he likes being on the floor engage him there. He's an individual, you will probably all be happier if you adjust to him rather than the other way around.

My DD was the same way. It ends up that she is a very social, independant little soul. She is now 13 months and active as can be. Once she hit a year and was more interactive and communicative with us, she became more snuggly. One thing that helped for us was to read to her. I started her early and she would become very engaged in her book and I could get cuddle time in while I read to her. When she was an infant, it took us awhile to realize that she preferred to be left alone to nap or sleep. I spent hours of rocking and nuzzling with her only to find that it irritated her instead of consoled her. As much as it was hard as a new mom to not have a cuddler, I realized that it was just part of her personality and I had to learn to adapt to her needs and likes.

He's still little and getting adjusted. My son was this way too for a long time. He only wanted cuddly when he was sick. His cuddly button turned on around 5 or so. Now he is all about hugs, slurpy kisses and snuggling before bed or in the morning. If your son is content on the floor, just lay down next to him, caress him, sing, things like that. Congratulations.

Congratulations on your new baby. I wonder if your son is still in the process of acclimating his senses from the peace and quiet and predictability of the womb to hustle and bustle of the real world around him. There was a book that was out about 10 years ago called The Baby Whisperer by Tracey Hogg. In it, she talked about several different baby personality types including one that was more sensitive than the other types. For this type of baby, she recommended:

Picking up your baby as gently as possible and doing it in very slow, fluid motion so the baby doesn't feel too startled or off balance.

Before you go to pick up your baby, talk to him in a calm, soft voice, and explain to him what you are going to do so that it is not such a shock when all of a sudden he is being picked up. (I think, even though your child is not going to understand what you are saying, he will eventually connect that you are talking to him this way so that means he's going to be picked up soon and, with this knowledge, he'll be less apprehensive.)

Making sure that the overhead lights are not to bright so that they are not hurting his eyes as he is being lifted up closer to them.

And -- I think she said this but am not sure -- making sure that Mom, Dad or anyone who is picking the baby up is not wearing any scented perfumes, lotions, etc. If The Baby Whisper didn't mention the "no scents" suggesion, I am since anything perfumey that you can't smell and he can't smell at arm's length, may be way too overwhelming for him once he is drawn closer to that person.

I'm not sure if this book is still available in the bookstores but, if not and if you would like to purchase it, I would try looking for it on e-bay. It does have a lot of great tips on creating a schedule, feeding, napping, sleeping through the night, teething, etc.

I wish you all the best for you and your new baby.

My son pretty much only liked to be held when he was being fed. He was too busy learning...

Congrats on your new little man!
My second son did this and I didn't know it until later, but he was suffering from really sever eczema which finally showed itself around 3 months. Once we treated that he was much more of a snuggler - however he's now 3 years old and extremely active. He loves a good cuddle, but it never lasts very long. So not sure if it was just in his nature because he's so active or if it was the eczema.

Hi D.,

I don't know if this will help ease your mind. One of my twins Jonny was not a cuddler as a baby. He prefered being "alone" on the ground or in his playpen with his toys.
My family had to learn that isn't that he didn't love them, its just that he is not a "people" person from birth.
He's 9 years old now and loves to get hugs and kisses from me and other family members -- people he knows only. But after awhile of being with family or friends he has to have his down time. It's just his personality and I've learned to accept it as part of him. He's also very strong willed and will buck at anything that doesn't give him a choice.
It will get better, also as he gets older he'll be able to recognize family that hasn't been there for a few weeks.

L.

You have some good advice and ideas. You may want to try burrito wrapping him tightly in a cotton blanket, try arms in and out...see if he prefers one or the other...the bundling might help him to feel more secure when passed off to a family member. For mom and dad, you may find he likes to be in a sling, firmly attached on your body, instead of just being held in arms/hands. Also remember, his sensory system is not integrated/organized yet and he may be experiencing sensory overload when being touched or handled. Hope this helps a little.

Don't worry, each baby is their own little person and have their own likes and dislikes. My baby girl didn't really like to be held unless she was held upright over the shoulder or upright facing forward. She did not like the baby hold in the crook of an elbow and she was quite content to lay by herself and observe the world. She is almost 6 months now and she is already starting to want to be held more. So there is hope that your son will want some attention time too! Enjoy that you don't have to hold him all of the time because I have heard that some women feel overwhelmed with their child being so needy and clingy.

When you hold him try squeezing and massaging his legs arms and feet. He may need deep stimulation. Then try light touch massaging on arms legs and head. On one of the sensory processing sheets I filled out for my son at the occupational therapist was; does he/she dislike being held. He was in speech therapy when he was three because he couldn't speak. He didn't speak till he was three and a half. They noticed he walked on his toes. It could be a early sign of Autism. My son is doing fine with allot of help with his homework. I took him to homeopathic practitioners with acupressure, oils, and homeopathic remedies used. Good luck I hope it is just one of those things and he out grows it. M. R.

My son was never a snuggler. It would make me so sad. He was very introverted and never would be held by anyone but us and my folks. He still, at age two, doesn't like to be alone with strangers or have people invade his personal space. The good news is that around 21 months he became a huge snuggler with me and his Daddy. He hugs us like crazy, now, kisses us, tells us he loves us, and cuddles in bed just for fun. It's cuz he feels real close to us. His dad always did LOTS of wrestling with him (and still does) and I had to just be patient. He will now just walk up to me and hug me for no reason- I love it. I'm sure he'll outgrow it but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts! Be patient :)

Hi D.,

When my 14.5 year old was a baby, he hated being rocked to sleep, prefering to just fall asleep on his on. As a first time mommy, I was soooo looking forward to singing lullabies and rocking. I just had to learn that that wasn't my little one's personality. I did discover, however, that the only time he liked being rocked was when he had an ear infection!

With my second (11 on Wednesday), he didn't become a snuggle bunny until he was 7 or 8 years old.

Now, both my sons love sharing hugs and affection. Go figure. Maybe your son will grow into snuggling when he gets older and sees how much it pleases you. Otherwise, congratulations on your happy and very independent little Brian!

A few things I thought about: do you wear perfume or some kind of lotion that maybe he doesn't like the smell, or do you smoke? If not those, do you bounce him when you hold him? Some moms have a habit of bouncing their babies all the time when they hold them, even if they don't realize it. He's only 8 weeks - he'll probably come around sooner or later. Good luck!