Advise on Impending Divorce with 2 Very Young Children and No Job and No Money

I've been in your situation and I made him move out and stay with the "friends" who he was partying with. After a few weeks he realized that he was really too old for htat and it seems like he grew up a little. he was able to get his own apt. because he wanted to be closer to the kids. The government will help you! you have children and you can get assistance of ALL kinds. there is WIC, and food stamps and insurance for free. hell, they'll even pay for your school and daycare. You just have to find the resources because trust me they are out there. you don't need to live with this man for another year to make it. we pay taxes for a reason and you deserve to get help to get on your feet. somesay, you'll be working in a high paying job and pay more taxes so that you can help someone like yourself!
Please remember that you are not alone. My family is all in Ohio, so i know how it feels. call DSHS, and the WIC office and they'll help you get started.
good luck and hang in there. It's worth it to go without for a little while so that you can get free:)

Hi,
First of all I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. I am also going through a divorce, have a 2.5 year old and have been a stay at home mom so I know how scary this whole thing is.

Depending on how much money he makes, you may qualify for free legal advice. Since you do not work you have the 'need' and since he makes good money (or at least it sounds like he does) he has the 'ability' to pay for a lawyer for you. A lawyer could really help you sort out some of the questions you may have about who pays for what and how to get court orders to make sure you get paid BEFORE he goes out to the clubs. If you're serious about divorcing, this is the first step I would take. I'm sure other people can give you better lawyer referrals but if you're in the Seattle area, Amanda DuBois is super nice. Her website is duboislaw.net I think.

As far as the emotional part goes with your kids, just hang in there. They WILL adjust given time and lots of love. Just make sure to reassure them that no matter what happens, they will always have a mommy and a daddy who love them. Make sure you don't talk about their dad in front of them, even on the phone. Kids pick up on all those little things and the five year old will be especially vulnerable. I do know of a good family therapist in Bellevue who works with young children and people going through divorce.

If you're not sure you want a divorce, then I highly recommend the two of you get into marriage counseling ASAP. I know your husband is saying he's not going to change, but it's worth having him say that in front of a therapist who can help both of you sort out what that means. Sometimes when we've fallen into patterns, it's hard to hear what the other person really means and having a third party to help 'translate' can make a difference.

No matter which you choose, it is obvious that you love your family and in the end that will be enough to help you make the right decisions.

Take care and hang in there.
-M.

Wow, L.! It sounds like you have a very difficult situation.

I have a few ideas - you may have already thought of but in case you haven't....

You mentioned that you were a manicurist - can you earn some extra money by giving manicures in your home? - Do you have any crafts that you make that you can sell? If so, you could do that no matter where you are living and wouldn't need daycare for your children. It may not be enough to make a living but might help add to your income through some lean months.

If the training school you want to attend is a private one - beware! They are often very expensive, not that great and don't always live up to their promises of placement in high paying jobs when you are done. You might want to take a look at what the community colleges have to offer instead. It takes longer, but it is less expensive and they often have more affordable daycare on campus. Their financial aid office may be able to help you find grants or state programs that may provide you with some assistance. They also offer many programs online or in the evenings so that you could continue earning from your daycare during the day for as long as possible and not require as much daycare for your own children to go to classes.

You might also consider looking around for a job that offers on the job training and the potential for advancement. I know the job market is tight right now but you still may able to find some things available.

If it interests you at all, I would recommend a company or organization in the medical industry like a doctor or dentist's office, hospital, clinic, etc. You can often find entry level positions that provide on the job training and they are usually fairly supportive of people who want to go to school to get further training to become certified in some area. As the population ages, more people need medical and dental care so it is a more recession proof industry than most.

Best of luck to you.

Hi L.,
I help moms create income while they are home with their kids. I also love to help moms to be self reliant rather than putting themselves at risk by being dependent on someone else. I would love to help you create an income from home, If you are open I'd love to invite you to take a look and see if what I do is a fit for you--I live in the Redmond Wa area.
N. B
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In the court hearing, insist on having enough Alimony so that you can afford to go to school. Make sure that you document everything as far as the agreement that he was eventually going to put you through school, because he got his schooling.

Schooling costs need to include the cost of daycare during that time.

Originally posted to the public but switching to private.

I am so sorry, L.--- don't beat yourself up-- life has handed you a real problem-. Is there any chance you could move back home and get some help w/ child-care and even perhaps a place to live for awhile? That way- you WOULD be separated ( which in truth you are- both in one house or not) ---.

You're in my prayers
J.
aka- old mom

been there- did that---