8 Year Old Staling Money

She stole last year right before her party and she still got the party. So she thinks she can continue to do it. Sorry, I would NOT have a party for a thief. I would tell her the party is cancelled. I get that she has ADHD but that absolve her from her behavior? No, I don't think so.

What is she doing with the money?? I would be so angry with her. You need to get her inter therapy as well.

Why are you leaving money where she can grab it if you know she will steal? Isn't that kind of setting her up for a fail?
___________________________________________________________
I have to disagree with Laurie, this has everything to do with ADHD. We lack the ability to look back at prior experiences and knowledge the way normal people do at the point of making a decision.

You have to create an atmosphere where there is a benefit to coming to you for what they want even if that means you will say no. That can be as simple as explaining to them why you said no. What I usually use is the decision process that they are unable to pull together on their own.

It works, none of my kids have stolen from me. They have stolen from their father because he is always no means no and I don't have to give you a reason. We are divorced by the way. I point this out because we are talking same kids, same parents, same life experience but they don't steal from me but they do their dad. I believe this shows the effect of different parenting styles on kids with ADHD.

I make them want to make the right choices which is encouraged by coming to me, he makes them want to hide their bad choices.

Take that for what you think it is worth. :)

Once she steals the money, what does she do with it?
Ask her.
Then ask her why she feels she can do this.

Is she aware for right from wrong?

Does she understand stealing is considered one of the worst behaviors a person can do?

Will canceling the party make her stop this behavior or is stealing a part of her impulsive issues? Because I personally, would have NO problem cancelling a party for this exact reason.. You just tell the people the we are sorry but, party is cancelled due to our daughters poor behaviors. We are even more disappointed than she is, but we feel this is appropriate to her poor behavior.
Parents will totally understand AND respect your parenting.

This has nothing to do with the ADHD..

If she honestly cannot explain or does not understand.. this is something a professional will need to help all of you deal with.. She cannot go through life without the ability to know right and wrong and how to control herself..

Regardless of her condition, your daughter knows the difference between right and wrong. Not knowing would make her a psychopath, in which case you have much bigger problems than the $50.

I agree with your husband that you need to set some clear, strong consequences for this behavior. Cancel her party, tell her the reason why and let her be devastated. Addtionally, if she gets allowence, withhold her allowence until the $50 is accounted for.

And as an aside, what does an 8 year old do with $50? Yikes

First and foremost if my child understood the concept that stealing is wrong then my punishment would be easy: no party and you must work off all of the stolen money. Isn't part of having consequences part of life? If you were to take money that wasn't yours you would be in trouble and if she knows that what she is doing is wrong but does it anyway then she needs to suffer the consequences of her actions.

Not that the amount really matters but that's a lot of money to an 8 year old. Like mine would have thought it was a fortune at that age.

What does she say about it? Attention seeking, wants to buy something, the thrill of it. Find out the answer and you'll be more able to figure out a solution.

I would not treat this casually as I've never heard of a child that young doing something that extreme, TWICE.

For starters, why don't you hide your purse, or wherever she is stealing the money from? I know if I had a thief in my house, I wouldn't leave my money around. Others can give you further advice.

If you think she understands that stealing is bad, I'd have NO PARTY. But if you KNOW she does not understand that stealing is bad you have to be careful with your stuff and tell your family and friends to lock things up before she visits. That is ONLY fair.
And, since you know she has a bend for stealing your money, you need to put your money in a SAFE place that she cant get to.
If she has a disorder, and doesnt see the error of her ways, you need to remove that temptation.

I think for the punishment to fit this crime you should make a list of chores for her to do to pay the money back to you. Set a schedule for her to do them so you can check on her and mark it down so she sees it on a chart of something and she will be able to see how long it takes to work off that amount of money. Then it will begin hopefully to mean something to her. I would also tell her that if this happens again at all no more birthday party or special events to honor her until her behavior changes. I think celebrating a birthday is one thing and having a big party, etc. is another. You need to be firm with her but I think at her age she should be able to understand there is a consequence for behavior.

I would have her work to pay some of it back. Also, I would scale down the party. Has she ever done any volunteer work?? If not, how about homeless shelter/food pantry etc. She may gain some perspective if she sees how the real world is.

My 8-year-old son also has ADHD, and I'd like to echo the idea that this behavior has *everything* to do with ADHD, a disorder defined by poor impulse control. Anyone who thinks that it is only or mainly about attention doesn't understand it at all.
Still, the question of how to discipline in this situation is a difficult one. You can't let the behave go, but if you cancel the party you may embitter her. You'll create a punishment that no one in the family will ever forget. I like the idea of giving her a choice between a chore-repayment agreement and canceling the party. If she chooses to cancel the party, then you can start exploring why she's reluctant to have this party. My son with ADHD has huge anxiety around having friends over--even though he always seems to enjoy playing with them--so it is possible that she stole in order to get in trouble. Whatever you decide, I would strongly recommend visiting a psychologist together to address the "behavior therapy" aspect of the AAP-recommended ADHD treatment plan. Insurance should cover it. We started doing this about six months ago, even without a crisis situation like this, and it's been incredibly useful in helping us figure out how to parent a difficult child with love and discipline.

Crazy!!! How she would do the exact thing a yr later! Ugh kids! Totally sounds like a 8 yr old behavior with or with out the obsticals of ADHD or severe impulsivity issues. I would be inclined to find out WHY she wanted to take large amounts of money both at her party times. Like is she uncomfortable around large crowds, does she want a certian toy, is it truly just a bad timing that she stole money at the same times right before the party. I dont think it has anything to do with leaving a purse where she could get to it. I think if you put it in the top of your closet she would get to it. You (and guests) should be able to set your purse down and not have a child steal money. If it were my child a good spanking and favorite toys taken away for a few weeks would be a punishment. But you have to do what is most effective in solving your childs issue to ignore her gut that has told her it was wrong. You and your husband also need to agree on what is effective for your daughter before presenting the punishment and following through. If your not into spanking I understand. What about putting a sign on her that says " i stole from my moms purse (twice) now earning it back". have her go door to door selling candy bars to earn the money back. Yes you will have to follow her and its kind of a punishment for you to have too. But truly its making sure your daughter is doing the right thing and understanding its not going to be allowed again.

I knew if I ever even thought about taking money from my mom I would get a spanking and my parents would be so dissapointed in me. I never dared. Although there was never a need to because we earned an allowance. We each had certian chores (taking out trash to trash cans and taking cans to street, doing dishes, taking all laundary to the laundary room) and earned back then five dollars a week. I would hold off on the allowance for a few months so she does not think this is a reward for stealing !

It will be more devastating if she ends up in juvenile hall for stealing in the future. I think a devastating punishment right now would be the better option.

I say cancel the party and show your daughter that you have no more trust in her. I.e., she can't go anywhere without either you or dad which means if you are not available, she doesn't go, including to her friends' houses, she cannot attend any parties or other functions because you can't trust that she won't steal from someone else; keep your purse in your bedroom and keep your bedroom door locked at all times.

Also, have her make up a list of extra chores she can do to make up for the money.

Why did she steal the money? $80 and $50 is a lot of money. My grandchildren at that age would sometimes pick up small change that was around the house or one time took a couple of dollar bills out of my wallet. They didn't understand about ownership. They took it just because it was money and they wanted some money. They didn't try to hide the fact that they took it. I did not consider the theft as a big deal. It was just a matter of teaching them that the money belongs to me and that they have to ask if they want some.

How you treat this would depend on the circumstances, why she took it, how you learned that she'd taken it, how well she understands that it's wrong, and what her reaction was when you found out. Also, did you get the money back? Was the money laying out so that it was a big temptation or did she have to get into your purse to get it? (I do wonder why, since she'd taken money before, you had that much money available to her.)

I would not cancel the party. Because you've told other people not having the party would be difficult for you and others. I try not to "punish" myself when I mete out discipline. If you don't have money for the party then you'll have to cancel it.

The consequence for doing this is that she has to give the money back and if she's not able to do that to do chores for you to pay you back. I suggest that it's important to spend time talking with and listening to her. Ask her why she took it, what ownership means to her, etc. Spend as much time listening as talking. Get an understanding for why this happened. Talk with her about how to prevent it happening again. I would also be sure to keep money out of her reach. Treat this as an opportunity to teach instead of the need to punish.

I suggest the ADHD is unrelated to the issue. Impulse control is related. All 8 yo have some difficulty with impulse control. Does she do other serious things impulsively when it's important to maintain control. How are you helping her to manage her impulses?

She stole the first time at her birthday time. Is this theft also at birthday time? If so, that may give you a clue as to why she did it.

I guess this depends on circumstances. As kids we always did without a lot of basic things. Although I. Ever would've stolen I. An see where the desire might overcome you. If you are her parent all the time then you should know why she would do this. My kids wouldn't even understand the kind of value and would never d this and they are older.