What Would Jackie Do?

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis asked her children to recite poems to her on her birthday, Mother’s Day, and Christmas. Caroline and John Jr. would dutifully memorize great poems for their mother, everything from Shakespeare to Robert Frost. “Poetry really was integrated into our family life,” Caroline told the Chicago Tribune in 2011. Though she wasn’t always enthusiastic about it, she added, "it really was a great way of setting us free to discover what we liked.”

I LOVE this! There are lots of things I swore I’d never do as a parent that I now find myself doing – “running a restaurant” at mealtimes for my kids and co-sleeping chief among them. Conversely, there are many things I promised myself I would do as a parent, like encouraging a love of ideas and art. I only hope I don’t lose my nerve.

My partner and I were out to dinner with friends who have kids around the same age as ours and we were discussing what we were all looking for in a preschool. Preschool? I know. I was naïve enough to think all preschools were the same; my goal was just to find one within walking distance of our home. Not quite. We learned soon enough the differences among Developmental, Montessori, and Reggio Emilia preschool philosophies – mamma mia! My favorites were the programs that described a typical day’s preschool activities as “work time” with no mention of playing anywhere. Okay…but we’re actually big fans of our kids playing, so we found ourselves leaning toward play-based programs.

Friends with older children warned us a play-based preschool wouldn’t prepare our kids for kindergarten. Kindergarten? They said public school curricula in our state were being pushed back so that kids would be expected to know things like the alphabet and numbers sooner than they used to. The second grade curriculum was now the first grade’s, and the first grade’s was now kindergarten’s, etc. Our friends said they wanted their children to learn facts first in school and then have the freedom to do whatever they wanted afterward. “Yes, but what of beauty?” I wanted to ask that in all seriousness, but didn’t because I was too embarrassed by my own earnestness. Facts can change, become irrelevant, and bore. When do they learn beauty?

Art and music classes are often the first cut at schools during difficult economic times. Is beauty a luxury like playtime seems to be at some schools? I like these friends, trust them. They were trying to help. I became anxious. We hadn’t applied anywhere yet, thinking we had lots of time; the kids had only just turned one. Nope, it turns out we were actually late at some schools. I began sending applications blindly – anywhere that we’d heard was “good”- just to get on waiting lists. I hated myself. If I was acting like this for preschool, what was I going to be like when it really mattered?

People who are interested are usually interesting. I want interested kids. I take for granted they will be compassionate, maybe I shouldn’t, but with one disabled child in the house, everyone in our family sees a touching humanity modeled daily for them. I’m more concerned with our children being well-rounded. I want them to relish the outdoors, music, sports. I want them to experience the utter thrill of a topspin backhand made down the line.

I want them to find their own passions, BE their own inspiration. Kids, you have my permission to take this essay and show it to me in 15-20 years if I am pressuring you to take that job in finance when you’d rather raise Alpacas and paint for a living. I’ll ask myself, “What would Jackie do?” and then try not to freak out.

Helen Smolinski is a mother of young twins and once sat behind Madonna at a movie.