Photo by: Liber

Who Am I Anyway?

by Penelope of "Gaggle 'O Girls"
Photo by: Liber

Here I sit, on my couch with an icepack on my neck fighting a migraine that has been with me intermittently for over 2 weeks wondering how I’m going to manage my three kids plus my girlfriend’s three whom I’ve committed to babysit for the day tomorrow.

And how sick am I of hearing people tell me I’m trying to do too much? So what if I’m exhausted and paying the price?! This is how I maintain who I am.

And who exactly is that you ask? Well, the obvious answer is: mother of three under two. But my answer is “I am ME.”

Being a mother of three is only one component of who I am and I struggle every single day with finding a way to balance being a mom against everything I have to do, everything I want to do and everything everyone else wants me to do. OF COURSE I’m doing too much! But it is absolutely by choice.

Being a mom of three little ones is enough to keep any human being busy 24/7, but being a mom isn’t enough–-for me at least. I miss who I was before the girls were born. Not to their exclusion, of course, but in addition to it.

I want to be that crazy, fun to be around, always laughing and giggling gal that I was before I was covered in poo and breast milk and pureed broccoli. I miss getting my hair highlighted (or at least cut more than once a year!) and getting a mani/pedi on my lunch hour.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I signed up for this mommy thing and I knew what I was getting into, but that doesn’t change my fervent desire to make it more—to remember who I was and make me into someone new that blends both worlds.

This seems like an impossible task some days (like today when I’m just totally done in) but the days that I don’t have a headache and am entertaining 15 people in my home for a holiday party–-AFTER I fed, bathed and put down my kids–-and am laughing and joking and maybe even having a small glass of wine, those are the days that make the whole ridiculous endeavor worth while.

So when I ask myself “Who am I anyway?” I have to answer honestly: I don’t yet know, but I am working on it…diligently.

When I find the middle ground between being an adult with a social life, a wife with a husband who doesn’t feel ignored and a mom with the greatest kids ever, I’ll know who I am. Until then, I’m just your average every day wiped out mom trying to do too much.

Here’s to all the other moms out there like me!

Penelope is mom to identical twins Emma and Abby aged 22 months and Madeleine aged 4 1/2 months. She’s currently a stay at home mom to her girls and four cats but working fervently to expand her life outside the home.

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