Photo by: Sheree K

What To Do...When They Outgrow You

by Bama Mama
Photo by: Sheree K

I remember a time when my son and I wore the same size running shoe and I was very conscious not to buy Nikes with pink, red or orange on them just in case he decided to pick mine up and wear them to gym class.

Flash forward just one year and that cute little boy of 12, who had a soft, high-pitched voice and thought his mom walked on water, is the exact same height as his single-parent mother, wears a size 9 in men’s shoes and rasps when he speaks.

What is a mother to do when, within a year, her little boy suddenly grows into a man, or at least looks like one? I would love to blame the food he eats or water he drinks for the sudden transformation but we eat organic and purify our water so that just can’t be it.

I thought twice about dragging out the baby pictures and having an old “remember when” session with my 13 year old. I also thought better of getting him a cute little boy’s haircut and taking him for ice cream in hopes of bringing back the 5-year old fascination that a scoop of Coldstone’s Cake Batter Ice Cream used to bring.

Had I missed this growth spurt in my rush to get our house renovation finished? Or had his height crept up on me as I toiled away at my full-time job? I imagine lots of other moms ask themselves the same questions. But I am a single mother, I assumed I was supposed to notice these things more than my dual-parent counterparts. The simple fact was I just wasn’t paying attention.

It wasn’t until my child, and it seems strange to say that about a 5 foot, 6 inch tall teen, came back from a visit at his Dad’s halfway across the nation, that I noticed all the changes. He stepped off the plane, escorted by a flight attendant at least a head shorter than he was, and I stood there at the gate, shocked. He seriously couldn’t have grown that much in three weeks!

He really hadn’t but I just hadn’t been paying attention, like I said earlier, for a very long time. I always thought I had time later to watch him grow up. But “later” is now and he has now outgrown me.
After that rude awakening in the airport, I am determined not to let an “outgrown” spurt like this escape my attention again.

So, what did I do? In true motherly fashion, I simply sighed and said, “well, I guess we need to get you some new clothes” as he and I walked down to the baggage claim to get his luggage—he in his high-water jeans (I swear I sent him to his Dad’s in clothes that fit!) and me primarily wearing a face of shame and shock.

Bama Mama grew up in Birmingham, Alabama, traveled the world and is in the daunting process of raising one of the greatest 13-year-old guys ever. In her spare time, she writes about manners, tries to use said manners and strives to learn one new thing every day. She is a proud member of the U.S. Air Force.

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43 Comments

I cried reading your article and all the comments. My oldest is 11 and I treasure every moment he still thinks I'm 'ok'.
Excellent post, Thanks!

My son will soon be 23. I too, was a single parent for a long time, and bemoaned the fact that I was disciplining a "child" who was 6 feet tall at 14. He would say, "I'm bigger than you," to which I would retort, "I'm still your mother." He still lets me kiss and hug him, he tells me he loves me and he actually talks to me on Skype as he lives in Canada. True togetherness was when I loaned him my diamond stud earrings to wear to a prom when he was in high school...

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Of course he had a growth spurt and of course he outgrew you -- when we have sons (and I sure do) we guide them in their transformation to manhood. It's not about us. Mothering never is. It's not about our labor, our mothering, our perspective. It's about them! It's about stepping aside and allowing them to be proud of their changes, transformations and growth. It's about celebrating their transition from boyhood to manhood, not sulking or secretly wishing it hadn't happened so fast...

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No, you were not too busy. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew it was happening, but also somewhere in your heart, you refused to let go of your little boy. I know, it has happened to me three times with my three sons. One day, I hear high-pitched voices wrangling about the TV or whose turn it is to wash the dishes, and then somehow, overnight, all I hear are the deep rumbles from some strange young men who turn out ot be my beloved little noys...

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I understand this story. I'm a Nanny of three boys 7, 5, and 1. I read the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. It really helped me relate to the warriors that boys turning into men want to be. I hope you find truth and guidance in it as much as i did. It really explained how men want to become great. It will also help with husbands.

You brought back memories that I too cherish. I realize tho I must not cry because it's over or he's gone, but smile and be thankful it happened. He is the baby of 4 sisters and now 27 years old. He is quite accomplished, but there is nothing like losing him to a wife. That has been my hardest. At 7 yrs he asked if he could marry me, and I said as long as you stay 7. He use to be so close to me and I miss that...

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One of my sons is 13 too. He has grown out of his clothing literally ALL of it 4 times in a year. He is now a size 12 shoe. ( passed the old sized 9's to his dad) and is over 5'6" tall. ( taller than me)

He is growing so fast and it is so weird for me.....didn't I used to nurse him and carry him around just a little while ago? It is making me really appreciate my time with his 1 year old brother.....

I too miss my little boy who I spent so much time with and enjoyed every second we just hung out for the day floating and playing in the sun! He's now a 20 year old in college. I sure do miss him being home all the time but I couldn't be more proud and I know he's right where I raised him to be. Moms and their boys are a special thing. SOOOO much love for them and it's really hard to let them go/grow up and be independent men...

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My son is 16 and he's 5'8 tall wearing shoes size 9. His voice changed when he was 14. I am 5'3. What a change & he's a handsome gentleman! He is still my same precious son! I showed him the pictures & videos of him when he was little he couldn't believe the cute little baby boy was him. :) Enjoy your children as much as you can! Keep the cameras rolling! :)

Don't beat yourself up! My son just turned 13 and didn't complain about his high water jeans (how did I not notice) until they were over an inch too short. I'm a stay at home mom due to unemployment and I don't even notice how quickly he changes. It seems like I wake up and he has grown and inch overnight. What I do notice is the boomerang effect. I love that he comes to me when he needs advice or comfort. He then uses that knowledge and when he needs more I'm right there waiting...

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my son and I used to be very close, but I realized he outgrew me me when he married and started his own family. That wasn't a bad thing...it just made me feel a little sad when he cut the apron strings, so to speak. I no longer feel that same closeness with him.

My 15 year-old son towers me, even in my 4 inch heels! The growth spurt happens over night! I see him everyday and some mornings it seems that he grew over night! It sure does explain all the sleeping he does. I think he sleeps as much as he did when he was a baby. But it is so amazing to see your little boy grow into a man, what an awesome expierence it is to be the woman in his life that will influence the rest :)

Relax!Mom always walks on water for her son,no matter how tall or old he is.He will probley get married to a wonderfull girl,and upset your future daughter-in-law with the comment "Well,Mom doesa it this way"!

I too am having a hard time with my 11 1/2 yr old son. I call him my manchild. When I gave birth my first thought Oh Lord I gave birth to a moose! lol He was 10.2 lbs and 22.5 inches when he was born. The newborn diapers i bought didn't even fit him. I had a toddler for a new born. I knew he would follow in his half-brother foot steps, who's 6'2" at 18 years old. Zach is now 5'9" and wears a size 12 shoe. My son grew over an inch this summer in a month mind you...

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He sounds like a great kid. Isn't this basically what is supposed to happen with every child (male or female), periodically? This sounds to me like (as I've read in some books) the normal pulling away that occurs with every child when they assert their autonomy and independence, and then they bounce back again into a period of closeness and intimacy. Meanwhile, I guess the parent is just supposed to stand still, be supportive and patient. Sounds normal to me! :)

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