What Our Daughters Need to Know About Body Image: Inspiration from Lupita Nyong'o

As a woman who has recently lost a significant amount of weight, and the mom of a three year old little girl who will someday be a young woman, I give a lot of thought to the idea of body image and beauty.

I want my daughter to grow up confident and loving the skin she’s in. However, our society sends girls and young women mixed messages.

• Be smart… but not too smart.

• Be confident… but don’t be bossy.

• Love your body… but only if it looks a certain way.

It’s a lot to digest as a grown up, but as a young person coming into their own, it can be overwhelming. What our society promotes as beauty often borderlines as pornography and is most likely unrealistically photoshopped. Teaching my daughter to embrace her unique femininity and express her self-confidence will require all of my wisdom and the wisdom I gained from my mother and grandmother.

The recent phenomena of Lupita Nyong’o and her story of coming into her own made me think further about what I want to tell my own daughter about beauty and self-image. In her recent, moving speech at the Essence Black Women in Hollywood luncheon, Nyong’o took the opportunity to share her thoughts on beauty.

“I want to take this opportunity to talk about beauty. Black beauty. Dark beauty. I received a letter from a girl and I’d like to share just a small part of it with you: “Dear Lupita,” it reads, “I think you’re really lucky to be this Black but yet this successful in Hollywood overnight. I was just about to buy Dencia’s Whitenicious cream to lighten my skin when you appeared on the world map and saved me.

My heart bled a little when I read those words. I could never have guessed that my first job out of school would be so powerful in and of itself and that it would propel me to be such an image of hope in the same way that the women of “The Color Purple” were to me.

I remember a time when I too felt unbeautiful. I put on the TV and only saw pale skin. I got teased and taunted about my night-shaded skin. And my one prayer to God, the miracle worker, was that I would wake up lighter-skinned. The morning would come and I would be so excited about seeing my new skin that I would refuse to look down at myself until I was in front of a mirror because I wanted to see my fair face first. And every day I experienced the same disappointment of being just as dark as I had been the day before. I tried to negotiate with God: I told him I would stop stealing sugar cubes at night if he gave me what I wanted; I would listen to my mother’s every word and never lose my school sweater again if he just made me a little lighter. But I guess God was unimpressed with my bargaining chips because He never listened.”

You can watch most of the speech here:

After watching and reading this speech, these are things I want my daughter, and all little girls to know about body image and beauty?

You Are Unique: In all of the world there is no one else like you. God placed you on this earth to be uniquely you. You have gifts, talents and abilities that go beyond your physical appearance. You have been designed to contribute your special gifts to this world. Don’t let the opinions of others dictate your behavior. When everyone else wants to do the wrong thing, don’t be afraid to walk in your uniqueness and say NO!

Being Beautiful Does Not Mean You Can’t Be Smart: While beauty is subjective, intelligence is not. While your beauty can change and fade, your intelligence can continue to grow. While I find Lupita to be striking, the thing I find more enchanting is the fact that she is a graduate of Yale University. She is pursuing her dream but she has also developed her mind.

Beauty is Only Skin Deep but Ugly Goes to the Bone: This is a saying my mother used to always say. I have found it is true. No matter how beautiful your outside is, if your insides don’t match, you look ugly. There is value and merit to being kind and humble. There is value in being “nice” in a world that says you need to be a “B—-h” to get ahead. I think the popularity of reality shows which show women being mean and degrading themselves and each other contribute to females thinking they can’t love and support each other and encourage each other to be a beautiful person inside and out.

It is certain that there will always be those in this world who say women have to look a certain way and weigh a certain amount to be beautiful. As my daughter grows, I will teach her to love God, love family and love herself so the world will hopefully value her for her gifts, talents and abilities and also appreciate her beauty.

What advice would you give your younger self about body image and beauty?

Team Fit Mommy is your virtual coach for faith, family, fitness, food and fun. We are a family fitness website that shares information and inspiration for the whole family. Founder and editor, Stephanie is a wife, mother and educator and an overall creative person, who is enjoying life as a stay at home/work at home mom to two preschoolers. Follow Team Fit Mommy on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.