What If This Year Were Your Last?

Things which matter most, should never be at the mercy of things which matter least. —Goethe

Thirty days before my wedding day, my mother died suddenly from congestive heart failure brought on by a case of the flu.

She was healthy, active and sixty years old. The loss hit hard, following the unexpected death of my father four years earlier and my brother four years before that.

I am a different person because of these losses.

They say losing a parent has a life-changing effect on you. For me, these deaths were catalysts for how I see the world and who I decided to become in the world.

Most of us have, at some point, been touched by a life-changing event. It may have been a birth, a death, a divorce, an illness, a job loss, a financial challenge or a natural catastrophe. (Our inbox and voice mail were flooded with calls from coaching clients after the 9/11 tragedy; the incident was a call to many to awaken and pursue the career and life they had always wanted!)

If real growth is to come from a major life tragedy or change, the question to ask ourselves is how will I use this experience to impact who I become in the world?

For me, the premature loss of immediate family members left me with a sense of urgency and clarity about how important it is to really live the life you desire—now.

I love the question Stephen Levine poses in his book, A Year to Live: Living This Year As If It Were Your Last, “What if you knew this was your last year on the planet? How would that awareness change your perspective and the choices you make on a day-to-day basis?”

It makes me wonder. Would you treat your spouse differently? Would your conversations with your friends change? Is there something you would take action on that you’ve been postponing until the time is right? Would you interact differently with your children?

Many respond that overwhelmingly, they would want to be more present in their relationships and in all that they do. (Read more about this theme in Being Present and Remembering What Really Matters, Chapter 12 from my book, The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal.)

But, slowing down and being present is a challenge for all of us (read more). It’s easy to engage the “hamster on the wheel” and find ways to avoid the present moment. I find it helpful to pause often and ask the following questions:

• In this moment, am I living in the past, present or future? (If I’m feeling stressed, I’m either living in the past or the future. There is no stress in the present moment.)
• A year from now, will this (task, job, event, hurdle) really matter?
• In this moment, what is most important to me?
• Does this really have to get accomplished today (this month, this year)?

Finally, be easy on yourself. We live in a 24/7 culture that is overly focused on multi-tasking and producing. Most of us were never taught that being is just as important as doing and that when we slow down, we’re actually more effective.

Lastly, the phrase that keeps running around our office lately is “relationships first, things (deadlines, projects) second.” Our time on planet earth is short, you never know if the conversation you have with a family member or friend today, might be your last.

Renée Peterson Trudeau is a nationally-recognized life balance coach/speaker and president of Austin-based Career Strategists, a coaching/consulting firm dedicated to helping professionals successfully navigate their career path. A sought after work/life balance expert, Trudeau’s work has been featured in the New York Times, US News and World Report, Family Circle, Good Housekeeping, Working Mother and more. Trudeau is the author of the award-winning The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life and two other titles. Read her blog The Journey or learn about upcoming events and retreats.