The Dreaded H Word
Well, it’s officially November, which means the H-word is barreling straight at us, full-speed. That’s right…the HOLIDAYS…shudder. Just the thought of it made my coffee come back up my throat a little.
The gifts, the over-scheduling, the family, sending out Christmas cards…all of these things are swirling around in my head like a huge tornado, threatening to touch down and wipe me out “But this year I’m going to be organized!” is what I say every year. And no matter what, I never have enough gifts for everyone, I always underestimate how many cards I need to send out, and someone in my family is upset that they are not seeing us enough.
So, in all ways, I seem to consistently come up short. Let’s start first with the gifts. Gift-giving is a joyous activity for some, and if you are one of those people, thank your lucky stars. I think it’s in my DNA, but for me, gift-giving can be torture. Now, it’s easy for me to buy gifts for my husband and children. I know them well, and I know what they want and need.
Poor Hubby gets the same thing for Christmas every year: new underwear, socks and shirts. Oh, and usually some ties thrown in, too. And I have to buy a lot and divvy it up, because his birthday is in December, too. And so is Big Sister’s. So, two December birthdays to add to the mix.
My blood pressure is rising already. Take a deep breath. Anyway, the pure act of locating and purchasing all these items can be stressful, but at least I know what I need to do. I just have to find the time to do it. But when it comes to the rest of my family, Hubby’s family, then add in random relatives and friends, teachers, etc., it is really overwhelming to me.
Hubby says I take the fun out of it because I spend so much time worrying & making lists to try not to forget anybody. Easily said by someone who, for some reason, has no responsibility in the entire process. And then we have Christmas cards and the proverbial perfect, happy family photo that adorns the front of most, and hopefully mine, as well. Don’t get me wrong, I love these things, so please don’t stop sending them to me.
But I know some ladies who, by September 1st, already have all the outfits picked out and coordinated, location and photographer secured. They have warm weather and cool weather options, prepared for whatever Mother Nature throws out on picture day. They have hair cut appointments on the calendar. Their Christmas cards will be stamped and in the mail the day after Thanksgiving, delivering everyone their first “ooh” and “ahh” of the Holiday season. And being the overly-sensitive, take-things-too-personally type that I am, it’s more like a sucker punch in the stomach to me. Those perfect smiles from that first holiday card mock me, as if they’re saying: “Ha! We’re organized, and you’re not, and you are WAYYY behind, lady!” I need to get a grip.
And then there’s family. Oh God, the family. Even though we set up a holiday visitation schedule 14 years ago after we were first married, each side of the family acts like it’s a Big Surprise every year when they find out they’re not getting us for Christmas. Everybody wants to watch the kids open their gifts, which I understand. But it is also not physically possible, so we have to take turns, which some grown-ups apparently never learned how to do, or at least do gracefully. Thus, the burden of trying to please everyone falls on our shoulders…really on MY shoulders, because Hubby doesn’t seem too bothered by it.
His only concern is when the Holiday Shiner Bock variety pack is hitting the stores. So while I am over here wound up like a top, spinning my wheels trying to figure this all out, Hubs is sipping a brew and making predictions for all the Bowl games. And while we’re on the subject of Hubs, let’s get back to the issue of gifts. Due to Hubs’ lack of interest/time, it is my responsibility to secure all the gifts for everyone on the list, except myself. Although, I should probably take this over, too, since last year I got a whisk, a set of skillets and a cookbook. No, I am not kidding.
Anyway, I had to get all the gifts, and decided to shop for Big Sister’s Christmas and birthday all in one trip to the toy store. I got a LOT of stuff, in my opinion, and divided it up into birthday and Christmas. And let’s not forget that I had just had a baby, so the fact that I got to the store with matching shoes on was a feat unto itself. Christmas Eve comes, the children are asleep, and I start setting out the Santa stuff. As I finish, I let out a sigh of relief and step back to admire my work. Hubs walks into the room, surveys the loot, and says, “That’s it?”
Um, what do you mean that’s it? Yes, that’s it. That’s what I have for her. Are you suggesting there’s something wrong with this picture? “Well, it just doesn’t look like it’s enough.”
Don’t say this to me at 10:30pm on Christmas Eve! I think it’s plenty…heck, when I was her age I got, like, two things sitting out from Santa and then stuff in my stocking. The kid is 6 years old, how much stuff does she need?!?! She asked for a scooter, and I got the scooter!!! What is your problem?!?! Do you want to go find a store that’s open, and spend more money we don’t have to get her more crap that she’ll forget about in a week???
You should have looked at what I got and told me before now if you had a problem!! Sheez. Luckily, the story has a happy ending. I scrounged up some additional toys that I had on hand to give other kids as birthday presents and added those to her stash, to appease Hubby. Christmas morning came, and Big Sister was delighted, and not at all aware that she had apparently been gypped by Santa Claus, according to the over-indulgent standard of Hubs. So this year, I would kid myself into saying I’m letting him be in charge of the shopping, except that it won’t happen.
And I’ll be at Toys R Us on Christmas Eve pulling my hair out. So instead, I’m going to do it myself again early and implement an approval process with Hubs, much like the one I read about in “How to Manage Your Boss.” Good grief. It all leaves me feeling so…helpless.
And anxious. And tired. And desperate. When are the Holidays going to be MINE? When will the time come that they’ll belong to ME and MY family? When will I be able to stop fretting and skittering around making plans around everyone else’s schedules, needs and expectations?
When will I have the freedom to do things MY way, in MY time at MY home?!?!?! Well, it won’t be this year. Am already getting hives thinking about the logistics of toting two kids, two cats & all respective gear and gifts to and from my Mother’s house for Christmas. Sigh. So, I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. This year, I’m going to be organized, calm, joyful and peaceful. I’m not going to freak out or yell at anyone the entire month of December. I am going to remember the real reason I celebrate Christmas and focus on that. Or I may just go back to bed and pray I wake up on January 2nd.
Jennifer is a wife, mother and Advertising Media Consultant…trying to make it all work. Follow her as she raises her two angelic children in the Humidity Capitol of the World. She blogs at Jenny Ally Writes.
