The C-Word

You’re in the third trimester, you’re on the home stretch, you’ve taken the birth class, you’re psyching yourself up for the Super Bowl of pregnancy – labor and delivery (!!!) – and then your doc hits you with the news: You’re going to have a cesarean.

This was our most recent “not according to plan” baby experience. I won’t bore you with the details, but due to the position of the baby’s umbilical cord in regards to the placenta, it’s been advised that a C-section is the safest course for delivery. So in less than 10 days, I’m going to have a scheduled cesarean, and we’re going to meet our little guy.

The thing is, I’ve never been a big proponent of birth plans – at least for my own baby’s birth. Pregnancy has clearly demonstrated that I’m not totally in control of my body right now, making planning of any kind a little difficult. I didn’t plan to throw up in my office parking lot that one day after work, but it happened. I also didn’t plan to consume my weight in fresh pineapple over these last nine months, but that happened too (so good!).

I respect women who have clear ideas on how they want to bring their babies into the world, but the only thing I can come up with is to pray for a safe delivery and a healthy baby. If a C-section ensures both then I’m on board.

And I’m not interested in C-section shaming or the ridiculous rhetoric that sometimes surrounds this method of delivery. Claims that I’m not letting the body do what it’s meant to do or that my doctor is trying to pull a fast one on me don’t really resonate. After all, birth is birth. There is no easy way out. Moreover, I myself was born via C-section because I was a “footling breech” with the cord wrapped around my neck twice. If not for an alternative exit, who knows what would have happened.

Still, the idea of having abdominal surgery freaks me out. And then when it freaks me out, I feel like a major wimp and just about the worst mom on the face of the planet. I’ve never had surgery. I’ve haven’t so much as had a mole removed. You might say I’m pretty lucky, and to be honest, this is the best kind of surgery possible. But it still gives me a jolt just thinking about it.

So many women talk about labor as the most empowering experience of their life. They say that they felt like superwoman; facing the pain head-on to birth their child. I feel like a child myself. I want nothing more than to be entirely selfless and to do whatever it takes for my baby, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being thrown in the deep end without ever learning to swim.

I contemplated asking my doctor for full anesthesia – to let the professionals do their thing and wake me when it’s over (and our baby is safely in my arms) – but she insists I’ll want to awake for the big show. Deep down, I know she’s right. After spending the last 39 weeks together, I don’t want to miss this kid’s grand entrance.

I’m dying to hear that first cry. I just hope it’s coming from the baby.



Jillian Gordon is the Managing Editor of Mamapedia.com. A Los Angeles-based lifestyle writer and editor, her work has appeared in Beauty Launchpad, Nailpro Magazine, Saturday Night Magazine and Westside Today. She is also the former Content Manager of Mom.me. Jillian is currently expecting her first baby in late November, 2016.