The 10 Types of Sex Parents Have
It is a wonder that parents – being the exhausted, time-frazzled, uptight, rather un-sensual, snot-stained beings we become – EVER have sex. But miraculously, we DO manage to do it… even if it is once a month. Or less. But actually, when you analyze it, you realize that your odds of having sex are actually a little bit more perky than you may have thought.
I’ve realized 10 different reasons or opportunities for having a bit of nook. Let me break them down for you here:
1. The Naptime Quickie: You’ve just put them down. You should be doing a bajillion other things but your nether regions are twitching. You wonder if you’ll get away with it, will they wake up before you’ve finished the deed? This is YOLO parenting at its finest.
2. The Pure, Desperate, Anytime-Will-Do Nooky: You feel like two born-again virgins. It’s been an age, and something has got to give before you join a nunnery. There is no other way forward at this moment.
3. The Let’s-Put-Dinner-on-Hold Frisson: Come on, wait until after dinner? When you’re going to feel as bloated as a beached whale and about as sexy as one too? Seriously, there are times when food can wait, and this is one of them.
4. The Quick!-They-Haven’t-Woken-Up-Yet Bumble: Bloody hell, it’s 6.30am and they are still asleep! Do we dare? Do we dare!? Will we finish? Anything is better than nothing… right?
5. The Should-We?-We’re-Staying-with-the-Grandparents Secret Session: Sorry if the olds are reading this but you know, that’s how we came into this world… as did our kids. So…
6. The It’s-a-Date-Night Hook Up: It’s date night, the pressure is on. This could be your only chance. MAKE. IT. HAPPEN.
7. The It-Was-Just-Supposed-to-Be-a-Cuddle Fadoodle: You utter the words, “I’m so tired, can we just have a little lie down and cuddle?” Next thing you know, your bodies are doing the talking and you’re um… not so tired anymore.
8. The Middle-of-the-Night Fornication: Do any parents ever do this… ever?
9. The Holiday Home Run: You’re on holiday, the warm air and free n’ easy vibe prevailing (ok, as good as it’s going to get for a parent), and seeing as it’s as close to any form of holiday romancing you’re going to get these days, it would be rude not to.
10. The We-Need-to-Make-Another-Baby Copulation: Don’t forget to do the crab afterwards!
Looks like things on the sex stakes are not as dismal as we thought… Or are they? Speak now or forever hold your peace.
Motherhood: The Real Deal is run by Talya, a mum to a very intense, amazing little toddler gal who most of the time specializes in driving her ’round the bend. Having given up the working mum role when she hit 12 months (she was the co-founder and Editor-in-Chief for an online lifestyle platform) she’s sat on both sides of the fence as a working and then stay-at-home mum, and like many, have grappled with the issues. So stop by, and stay a while and get a little flavour of motherhood – the real deal.
