Shifting Sexy
Before kids I loved being wined and dined.
Appetizers at one restaurant, dinner at another, drinks until 1 a.m. After kids I love comfy pajamas by 9.
Nights out aren’t the only thing that’s changed since motherhood; nights in have changed too.What I found sexy before kids is exhausting now.
Sweet nothings are interrupted by screams over the baby monitor.
A nice family dinner out? Not unless you can promise dinner won’t rocket onto the adjacent table and our progeny will sit quietly so we can actually enjoy a meal.
Oh, and that babysitter I arranged? She cancelled, so it’s take-out and children’s songs and crying as our dinner soundtrack.
Even vacations have lost their luster; my sit-in-the-sun-with-a-cold-beverage self has become a vigilant watchdog: Don’t eat the sand! Stop feeding the gulls, and they’ll stop dive-bombing us! DO NOT GO IN THE WATER WITHOUT AN ADULT!
Heck, even having sex has changed—now it takes planning. About a year ago hubby and I had “THE TALK”. We needed to honestly discuss how to have more quality sex.
This is what we came up with; maybe it will work for you too.
Reality 1: After managing to keep our child alive and happy throughout the day I am brutally tired by 6 p.m. I’m proud when dinner hits the table (or the delivery guy rings the bell), but after the kiddo is finally asleep, I want to sleep—not delve under the covers.
Solution: MORNING SEX! Seriously. I’d much rather hop out of bed, transform morning breath and play a little doctor. Not only am I rested, but I’m into it. Hubby’s day starts great, and he makes me coffee. Set the alarm a little earlier and enjoy a day as it should be: with an orgasm.
Reality 2: Sextus Interuptus. Yup. Nothing kills the mood more than hearing a door creak open and footsteps padding down the hall. You’ve never seen two adults move so fast as when they’re naked and sure a kid is suddenly awake. I’m all for a frank discussion about sex, just not when I’m having it.
Solution: GUILT-FREE TELEVISION TIME. Kids will watch an entire 30 minute program zombified. Turn the volume up, grab that fresh laundry and head upstairs. Ten minutes of foreplay, ten minutes of sex, and then ten minutes to pretend like nothing happened. Getting our adorable kid out of the house works too. I gladly drop her at birthday parties and return home to partake in our own party games. A date night hosted by our local dance studio? Absolutely! I will fork over $25 for 2.5 hours of organized play so I can go home and play with hubby.
Reality 3: Stolen Moments. Sometimes you don’t miss sweaty, all-night sex until you don’t have it. Quick sex has its charms, but that’s not always what I want. We’ve all thought Man, we haven’t had sex in two weeks…10-minute quickie?
Solution: HOTEL SEX. We’ve all got a village: a best friend, aunt, uncle, or grandparents who adore our children. Call on those villagers and have hotel sex! Hotel sex is sexy. It’s private, uninterrupted, and comes with a bar just a few floors down with delicious drinks. The pulsating showers with high water pressure are always a bonus. Bring bubble bath—it’s worth it.
You know what moms really want? Our husbands to plan some sexy interludes.
Hand me a mint in the early morning and take a trip downtown. Do the dinner dishes, put on a kids’ show and lead me upstairs. Call Aunt Jess, drop off kids off and plan to have sex somewhere other than the bedroom. And when I really need it, grab a hotel deal and whisk me away.
Just remember the bubble bath.
After surviving ten years as a high school English teacher, Kathryn opted to create imaginary worlds and spend her days hunting for ladybugs with her daughter. She has written for ChildGood and Babies and Breastfeeding magazines as well as various sites around the web. This is Kathryn’s first article for Mamapedia
