Parents: Shining a Light Into Gaming's Dark Corners
It’s a parent’s job to protect his or her kids while at the same time providing them with opportunities to learn, grow, and, of course, be happy. So it is not surprising in the least that video games can be a real hand-wringing experience. On the one hand, parents clearly see just how much kids love video games and the great enjoyment they derive from playing them. But, the intensity with which games leap off the screen and grab hold of kids’ attention can cause understandable worry as that protective parental instinct kicks in.
In our conversations with parents, here are some of the more common issues raised and how we like to think about them from a need-satisfaction perspective:
I Worry about All the Shooting and Violence
The need-satisfaction model provides a clearer window into the appeal of violent games. Beneath the spectacle of violent content is the intrinsic satisfaction of needs such as mastery that are valued more highly than the literal gunfire and mayhem splashed across the screen. This has several interesting implications for how parents can approach the issue of violence and video games with their kids.
First, our data suggest that parents may not need to be as worried that the love of game violence reflects something unhealthy in their kids. While our research indicated that violent content and themes did attract some people to a game when they were deciding what to buy and play, in actuality, the blood and gore was not a significant contributor to their actual enjoyment. If your kids like violent video games, it is quite likely because the themes of war and combat are effective at conveying an experience of challenge and mastery. Certainly, we would also love to see developers continue to find less violent themes to convey these satisfactions, and the good news is that more and more creative, nonviolent titles are being developed each year. But violent games – like violent movies and stories that have existed for centuries – will always exist. It can be helpful, therefore, to know what is really motivating kids at a deeper level.
While as scientists we have not yet seen definitive evidence that violent gaming has the substantial negative effects that some claim, we are sympathetic to – and share – concerns about the preponderance of violence in games. First, there is concern for young children whose capacity to distinguish fantasy and fiction from real-life societal norms is less established. In addition, we have concerns about vulnerable individuals who may already have propensities toward violence and for whom violent games may catalyze violent actions. And finally, whether our kids actually become violent or not, isn’t it possible this exposure to violence ultimately desensitizes us all?
The good news is that parents can make the decision to buy less violent games. As long as those choices are satisfying the core needs we’ve discussed, chances are even kids who love violent games will also enjoy these less violent, but satisfying alternatives (although they may complain at the moment of purchase). In particular, since violent games are often focused on competence satisfactions and intense challenges, choosing alternative games that also focus on competence with lower levels of blood and gore are likely to be just as enjoyable to your kids once they pick up the game controls and dive in.
Regarding young children in particular, we recommend that parents monitor and set limits on violent game content. The current ESRB ratings on games provide an imperfect guideline, but they’re a starting point. Perhaps even more importantly, we recommend that parents spend a little time watching new gameplay and how your child reacts to games. Play a bit with your kids just to see the game. Then trust your parental instincts to allow or disallow based on what you see. Remember that for most kids, it may simply be a fun mastery experience to blow things up, while others may be affected differently. If you play with them, you’ll be in the best position to really know what is going on for your kids as they play.
It Bothers Me That My Kids Get So Intense and “Wound Up” When They Play
Another common concern we hear from parents involves the high amplitude of emotion that games evoke. In this regard, we’ve noted that video games share common ground with sports: Both involve “players” who must face a climate of challenge and competition as they actively, and often intensely, seek victory.
The big difference is that unless you are the one playing the video game, there are often few cues that an epic contest is underway.
There’s an old sitcom bit about the “superfan” husband who, on the Sunday of the big game, is sitting dutifully beside his wife at church while listening to the game through his smuggled headphones. Inevitably, usually during a moment of silence, he leaps out of his seat cheering a touchdown that only he is aware of, jarring those around him. This is not a shared experience, and hence is quite disturbing to those outside of it. It’s also a regular occurrence with video game players. A gamer is deeply immersed in an intense experience that is not shared by those around him (often the parents), and the resulting expressions of emotion can be jarring, misunderstood, and worrisome.
We recommend to parents that they consider this in their assessment of their child’s enthusiasm (or cries of agony). It can be helpful to keep in mind that the strong emotions that result from gameplay are often a sign of immersion and commitment to overcoming the challenges of the game. These are the same kinds of expressions that in other contexts (e.g., sports) we not only accept, but often encourage and admire as indicating meaningful involvement. While video games may be physically sedentary experiences, they are extremely active mental activities – ones that often evoke passionate responses.
There Are Much Better Things My Kids Could Be Doing with Their Time
We wish we could say that this is something that we only hear from parents. In point of fact, this is a common concern among spouses, siblings, and friends of gamers as well.
The debate about the “meaningfulness” of gaming will no doubt continue for a very long time. There is a lot left to learn about the value of time spent in virtual worlds versus time pursuing activities in the molecular one. How do video games compare with time spent watching TV or surfing social networking sites (e.g., Facebook)? What is the comparative value of video games to playing with real kids outdoors?
Because we have seen how games satisfy intrinsic needs, it follows that they have the potential to provide meaningful experiences that should not be minimized simply because they are “virtual” or because they seem cartoonish or fake to the outside observer. That said, unhealthy patterns of play can easily develop, not just in kids, but in players of any age. Time spent in games can be isolating and can crowd-out relationships, physical and social activities, and “in vivo” experiences of nature.
Given this, parents often need to set limits on games.
First, setting limits starts with understanding and empathizing with the strong desire to play games. We hope this empowers parents to have more productive discussions with their kids about gaming, which is an important step in successfully setting limits. As a parent, you have good reasons for limiting play, so share these reasons directly and clearly with your child while listening to what they have to say.
Just as important, be clear in your own head about your criteria for responsible play. Whatever the criteria that are important to you, be sure that all the parental figures agree and can present a clear and consistent position. Stick with the limit. Then be prepared to sympathize with the resistance: Games are fun, and limiting them is not. Consider too how you can offer, along with empathy, some need satisfying alternatives as well. Go out with your kid. Explore what else there is to do together. Just telling them to go find something better is less likely to be helpful.
We also want to emphasize that you play some games with your kids, even if to have just a little taste of what the games are like, and to find out what your kids like about them. Chances are they are better at them then you are, and it can be fun for them to take the lead. Let your child explain to you how to play each game and what the goals and rules are. Try not to demean or scoff at the game, which is easy to do (particularly when you are getting severely beaten by your seven-year-old). Your child, after all, may love this game, and the idea is to share an inside view – your kid’s point of view – of what the fascination and temptation is. You’ll be better at understanding games and your child will also recognize and appreciate your attempt to engage with his or her interests — and who knows, you might just have fun killing zombies after all!
Scott Rigby PhD, co-author of “Glued to Games: How Video Games Draw Us In and Hold Us Spellbound,” is founder and president of Immersyve, Inc., a research and consulting group specializing in the psychology of virtual worlds and interactive technologies. In addition to publishing scholarly research on human motivation, Dr. Rigby has himself developed interactive applications for entertainment (Sony, Warner Brothers), education (The Smithsonian Institute), and health care.
Richard M. Ryan, PhD, co-author of “Glued to Games: How Video Games Draw Us In and Hold Us Spellbound,” is a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology, psychiatry, and education at the University of Rochester, Rochester, NY. He is co-founder of the Self-Determination Theory and has published well over 300 scholarly articles in the areas of human motivation, personality development, and applied psychology.
