Parenting: As Defined by All the Safety Straps

When my husband and I left the hospital, the car seat was securely strapped to the back seat. My husband bought it, but didn’t research seats online; it’s not his style. He just went to the store and chose one that seemed good.
Nick also figured out how to install it himself; he likes to control what he can. I read that the local police precinct would install car seats, and wanted them to check ours. But it’s not his style to ask for help.

As my daughter, then son, grew, it became pretty obvious that how my husband and I handle seat belts and other straps, was very different and revealed a lot about how we deal with our children.

There was the strap on the changing table, which I insisted on fastening securely, while he held his hand on our children himself so they couldn’t move. Then the strap on the high chair, which he cleaned constantly, and I let build up with old food.

Now six and eight, my kids have straps on their too-large backpacks. I insist they keep walking while I adjust the straps.

As they grew, I was overjoyed when Tessa and James hit the milestone of being able to fasten their own car seats. No more leaning over in the back seat, struggling with straps. I worry about the big stuff, plan for the future and check off achievements. My husband lives for today.

The laid back parents we know let their almost-old-enough children sit between our kids, strapped in with an adult seat belt. The more cautious ones won’t let their children ride in our four-door sedan.

When we go swimming, the kids hand us their goggles again and again, complaining about leaks or tight rubber suctions that leave red rings around their eyes. My husband will sit and work with the elastic straps until they’re perfect. Allowing the children to try them on and hand them back again and again. When the kids come to me, I say, they’re just goggles, swim without them if they’re causing pain.

This past weekend I took my six-year-old son and eight-year-old daughter ice-skating. It was all about the straps. They were too loose on my daughter’s ice skates. No matter how hard I pulled, I couldn’t tighten them to her liking. They were too loose on my son’s helmet, although the helmet itself was too tight. I had to loosen both their rubber and plastic fastener, and re-secure them again and again as the crowded rink, filled.

My daughter continued to ask for help with her skates while holiday-season skaters jostled past. Finally, I tightened the skates enough. Then my son said he wanted to go home because the helmet was squeezing his head.

I wondered, what about all those rosy-faced children on Facebook, smiling on ice rinks and ski hills? Did straps cause their parents so much aggravation?

I had to remind myself that life isn’t the 20 minutes gliding on ice, but what is happening now, and now, and now. A truer measure of parenting character, than whether you take your kids skating, is whether you can put on their skates and helmets without losing your mind.

So, I took a deep breath, looked inside my son’s too-tight helmet and ripped out the padding.

Kim Brown Reiner is mom to Tessa, 8, and James, 6, an educational consultant and freelance writer. More of her work can be found at www.kimbrownreiner.com.