My Girls Are Not Sexy

Yesterday I posted a photo of my girls on Instagram and Facebook. They were being silly and sassy with their sun glasses on, running around the yard in their swim suits, and enjoying a Popsicle. It was barely 70 out, and the sun was playing hide and seek, but that didn’t matter to these Minnesotan girls. They have literally been living in their bikinis these days! Here, every moment of summer counts, and they know it!

The photo I quickly snapped and posted (without a second thought), may be my favorite picture of the summer so far. I have been enjoying watching my girls rediscover their bond since the beginning of the school break. They love each other and love being together. They are happy and carefree, just relishing in their childhood and I wanted to share their joy.

Later in the evening I hopped on Instagram and scrolled through the comments and likes… my heart sunk. One Instagrammer commented under my girls photo: ”oh you sexy little things.”

Excuse me? On my nine, and four-year-old’s picture?

WHAT?

I am assuming that the commenter didn’t mean harm. But regardless it made me feel sick. It didn’t take long to block her AND delete the photo of my sweet girls. This mama does not play around.

I realize that it is good to constantly re-evaluate what I am posting, and always be considering who is seeing it online. Social media is fun, but it can also be scary. That comment was a good reminder to me that not every one out there has good intentions. Sadly, I need to be more careful.

And I am angry over the fact that our society and culture sexualizes some of the most innocent of things. Like a bathing suit. My girls are not sexy. They are sweet, beautiful, strong, sassy, fun, wonderful little girls.

But they are not sexy.

I shouldn’t have to delete an innocent photo of my girls playing in their swimsuits, but because someone was careless with their words, I did.

They weren’t being sexy. They were just being kids. Kids with freckles, and bandaids on their knees. Kids who love to run and dance and swim. Yet, it didn’t take long for them to be labelled inappropriately. Why? Because they were wearing bikinis?

I realize that this may be a hot topic, and I welcome everyone’s opinions.

My husband and I let our girls wear two pieces. We have discussed the matter at length and we feel ok with our decision. We came to this conclusion for several reasons:

1. A one piece on my older daughter never fits appropriately. She has a long mid drift, one pieces were not made for her body type. I also wear a bikini. Why? Because they fit me better. One pieces look terrible on me because of my shape. Am I trying to look sexy ? Absolutely not. I just want to look my best. And I want my girls to look and feel their best too.

2. They like them and prefer them over one pieces. My girls have their own sense of fashion and style. And while we will still make decisions on what is appropriate and what is not, we are ok with most two pieces. They are wearing them because they feel cute in them. NOT SEXY. They don’t even know what it means to be sexy. They aren’t trying to flaunt their bodies. Nor is any other eight year old in a swimsuit.

3. We want our girls to feel comfortable in their own skin. We won’t teach them that their bodies are shameful and need to be covered up. Instead we will teach them modesty. We feel that you can be modest in a two piece. Modesty is much more than what you wear. Let’s be honest, you can be immodest wearing a jumpsuit. It’s all how you present yourself. My little girls are modest and discreet with their bodies. They have learned how to respect themselves and their peers. In our opinion, playing Marko Polo in the pool in a two piece is perfectly acceptable. If someone thinks they look sexy, then the problem lies with them. A serious problem.

It is difficult raising girls. There is so many things to be concerned about and careful with. Body image being one of them. My hope is that we will be able to teach them to love their bodies and to see themselves not as objects but as beautiful, strong women. I can’t help but think that it begins at home with the messages that we are sending them. If I tell them that they look sexy in a bikini (or the world tells them ) then they will believe it.

So ahem… don’t tell them that.

There are SO many other messages we can be sending them. They are “sexy” is not one of them.

Cari Dugan is a lifestyle photographer and writer in Minneapolis Minnesota. She writes candidly about everyday life and experiences on being a wife and a mother on her blog Dugans in Cahoots. Her husband, three children, and chocolate lab make life what it is – A Beautiful Mess. You can also connect with her on Facebook and Instagram.