Happy to See Me

My six-month-old nephew recently started going to day care a couple days a week. Or as his mom prefers to call it: Baby Preschool.

My sister-in-law was feeling much angst as the day drew near. Although she had extensively researched and solicited recommendations from fellow working-mom friends, she knew it would be painful to leave her precious boy on that first day.

I checked in with her several times throughout that dreaded day to find that he was doing just fine. Although we live several states away, I could virtually hear my sister-in-law’s sigh of relief to have survived this day that was much harder on her that it was on the baby.

The part I enjoyed most about her “First Day Report,” (besides the adorable fact that he had a miniature backpack), was hearing about the end of the day pick up.

When my nephew saw his mom walk in the room, his face instantly broke into the biggest smile. For a visual, imagine David Beckham as a baby (and definitely include the terrific hair), with an open mouth smile as if the biggest belly laugh is about to come out.

Just the mere sight of his mother was all it took to make everything right in my nephew’s world.

I can say with certainty that my sister-in-law started collecting hellos at that moment.

What about my nephew? I am 110% sure that he was collecting hellos, too. Because when I read her message about their joyful reunion, it wasn’t his smile that I envisioned in my mind, it was hers.

I have seen the way she looks at him. I know she thought about him every single minute of that dreadfully long day. When I thought of what my sister-in-law’s smile looked like at that moment, the term “Sun Delay” came to mind.

“Sun Delay” is a term used in traffic reports when the glare of the sun is so strong that drivers have difficulty seeing the road; the traffic flow slows because the sun is so bright. I heard it used often when I lived in Florida.

I imagine when my nephew was lifted into his mother’s arms, his world slowed down because her smile was all he could see.

And because I know what kind of mother my sister-in-law is, I know that regardless of her son’s age… six months, six years or sixteen going on twenty-six, she will always greet him with a mind blowing, “I am SO happy to see you” kind of smile.

Happy to See Me. My nephew will always feel it. He is set for life.

So what about the rest of the world? What about other children? What about my own children? When we have the opportunity to greet our children, do we stop what we are doing and acknowledge them in a loving way?

It sounds simple, right? In the age of distraction, it’s not so simple. In fact, joyful greetings have sadly become a rarity.

With the wide array of highly convenient forms of technology, “Happy to See Me” often falls by the wayside…

Sometimes we don’t look away from the computer screen when our child walks in the room.

Sometimes we continue to play that new iPhone app when our child enters the house.

Sometimes we allow our children to be picked up from sports practice or school while we continue to talk on the phone or listen to talk radio.

Sometimes our child will wake up from a night of sleep to be greeted by the top of our head as we send an email message or text message on our Blackberry…or watch the morning news as sip our coffee…or get a jump start on calls we need to return before the day gets busy.

You may have noticed this. You may have not noticed this. But it’s important to start noticing. In fact, it is critical.

And I will tell you why greeting your child matters more than just about anything you can do.

When you greet your children with happiness, excitement, interest and love, this is the message you are sending: You are loved.

And it doesn’t matter what happens when they walk out that door, whether it is an hour later or ten years later, this message remains: My parents love me. How do I know? Because I can see it on their faces when they look at me.

Saying “I love you” is easy. But showing love, that takes effort. It can’t be faked. It can only be genuinely achieved when you push away distraction, if only for a moment, and focus on that God-given gift that stands before you.

And if your child or teenager appears annoyed, embarrassed or unappreciative, don’t let that stop you. I can tell you from experience, it never gets old to have your parent greet you with love and warmth EVERY single time he or she sees you.

How do I know? I went through times in my life when I was an extremely difficult child, teenager, and even adult, but someone never ever changed the way she greeted me. No matter how difficult I was being, I was always greeted like I was the best thing in her life. And even though I often didn’t show it or express it in return, I loved it. I cherished it. I counted on it.

The way my mom greeted me throughout my life saved me on more than one occasion.

I am grateful I had the opportunity to tell her this on her 70th birthday. Here is what I wrote:

There is no one in the world that greets me like my mom. When I was a baby, a little girl, and a teenager, she always greeted me like I was the best surprise she was ever expecting. At age 39, I can still count on my mom’s joyful “Hello!” when I call, even if we talked five minutes ago. She has always made me feel like her sunshine, and on her birthday, I want her to know that she is mine.

You see, my mom was, and still is, my sunshine. And now I intend to be that for my children. In fact, I intend to cause a “Sun Delay.”

No matter what I am in the middle of doing, no matter how inconvenient it is to look away, when my children walk in the room, the world is going to stop…if only for a moment, so that I can shine my love right into their eyes and into their hearts.

Rachel Macy Stafford is a mother, teacher, and writer whose skills converged on the day she painfully admitted the honest answer to the question, “How do you do it all?” Rachel realized that she was able to “do it all” because she missed out on life, the good parts of life like playing, laughing, and memory making with her family. She vowed to let go of daily distraction, perfection, and disconnection to live a life that simply consists of what really matters. She calls it living “Hands Free.” The results of her Hands Free tactics were immediate and powerful; she felt compelled to share her Hands Free way of life with others.