Facilitating Sibling Bonding
No one can fight quite like siblings, but no one can develop a closer bond than brothers and sisters, either. Parents cannot force those bonds between their children, but they can facilitate the development. These tips will help your children draw closer and build connections to last a lifetime.
Bonding With a New Baby
Hindi Zeldman, infant mental health clinician and founder of Ollie Swaddle, says that, to boost the connection between toddlers, older children, and a new infant, talk about the baby, giving the siblings the opportunity to get used to the idea. Discuss what will change and what the family will do with the family.
She also suggests planning the timing of big changes. For example, transition to a toddler bed or to potty training early, so that your toddler has at least two or three months to adjust to one change before facing another one, with the arrival of the baby. If that’s not possible, she recommends waiting until after things have settled following the baby’s arrival.
Encourage, But Don’t Push
Kaleigh Boysen, LMFT, encourages parents to allow older children to take on simple, age-appropriate helper roles, such as fetching diapers or teaching the younger child how to do something. Zeldman reminds parents to encourage helping, but not to push the older child. Praise big brother or sister often to remind them that helping out is going to bring attention to them.
Prevent Resentment By Spending Individual Time With Each Child
Boysen points out that sibling rivalry often comes from a child feeling left out. Spending special one-on-one time helps each child feel more secure and more connected, diffusing the jealousy that might otherwise crop up. In addition, though, Katie Griffin, RN and founder of Kopa Birth®, also recommends setting aside one night a week when family time takes precedence over all other activities, and the family engages with one another in fun activities, like playing games or taking a walk or bike ride together.
Teach Siblings to Encourage and Cheer on One Another
Eirene Heidelberger, GIT Mom founder, urges parents to help children learn to cheer for one another. When one child is doing something, catch the eye of the others and mouth “Yay” or give a thumb’s up to remind them to encourage brother or sister. Over time, they’ll learn to jump in without your reminder. Along with that, she suggests reminding siblings that the family is a team, and that every team member matters. Teach them to share their experiences, and don’t allow them to keep secrets or to hide from one another. After all, the more time they spend together, the more opportunities they have to bond with one another. At the same time, parents should police how children speak to one another, with no tolerance for put-downs, either in tone or in actual words.
Establish Traditions and Talk About the Past
Griffin says, “Family traditions act like cement to bind your family, and children, together. Hang the same ornaments on the tree, make cookies, and drink egg nog every Christmas. Have a leprechaun candy-hunt every St. Patrick’s Day. Decorate the house with balloons, streamers, and hand-drawn posters every birthday. Whatever you choose to do, be consistent. Traditions will help unify your children every time a holiday rolls around and build happy memories that they can reminisce about for years to come.”
She also encourages parents to tell and retell stories about their parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. Knowing about their ancestors shapes how children view themselves and their siblings, as the stories of love and sacrifice, along with tales of everyday living, help them find a context for their relationships.
Give Kids Space and Time
Boysen reminds parents to allow siblings to grow into their relationships, pointing out that parents trying to force them together may cause resentment. Heidelberger suggests giving them time together without you. She says to remember that your role during arguments is not to fix things, but to mediate so that the siblings learn how to negotiate their own peace.
Pam Martin has been writing professionally since the early 1980s, on a wide variety of topics. She brings 20 years of classroom teaching and tutoring experience to the party, including early elementary classes and courses in writing, reading and literature, history, geography and government at middle and high schools. She is also accomplished in crafting and in writing about projects, including her blogs, Roots and Wings From the Village, The Corner Classroom, and Sassy Scribbler, which encompass crafting, cooking, lesson plans, and professional writing advice.
