Electronic Device Manners: 5 Lessons Kids Must Learn

Electronic devices are a vital part of our personal and professional lives, and it is no different for our children. Infants stare at iPads. Toddlers can change settings on iPhones. Teens have become so inseparable from their devices that many schools have changed their policy about allowing kids to use devices in classrooms.

Because of this epidemic of near-constant use of electronic devices, there has been a growing concern about the impact on the development of children. Debates about appropriate amounts of screen time for kids have been discussed, and recently the Academy of Pediatrics has issued an updated statement reducing rigid recommendations. That is not my point.

Over the past 25 years, as a pediatric surgeon, I have witnessed the onslaught of near-constant screen time by my patients. And I have watched overwhelmed parents become powerless at controlling this need in their children. Part of our job as parents is to instill into our children the ability to use good behavior. Electronic devices are no different.

We teach children to speak. We teach them that it is rude to interrupt others. We teach them to use their inside voices and to not shout when indoors.

I’m confused why many parents don’t teach their kids electronic device manners. It is disruptive when your child requires electronic devices at all times, with a loud volume, and then has uncontrollable meltdowns and temper tantrums when you attempt to take away or reduce the sound. These situations are always a problem, but they are particularly disruptive at your doctor’s office.

I understand the challenges of getting kids to sit quietly while waiting to be seen by their doctor. Electronic devices are as invaluable today as the old school crayon and coloring books that I used to carry for my daughters. Every day, I witness full-on, rolling on the floor, temper tantrums when electronic devices are removed. Parents must keep working on manners and teaching children behavior expectations.

I have spent increasing amounts of office visit time dealing with poor electronic device manners. If a child speaks and interrupts me while I am talking, parents stop that behavior. But there is little effort to control children’s electronic device distractions. These distractions make it difficult for parents to fully understand what I am telling them about my care plan.

Parents should help their children to learn these five rules to dramatically improve electronic device manners.

1. Learn to play on silent devices or with kiddie headphones.
This is not an issue with older kids who keep earphones in place. However, young kids play games with the volume turned up. This problem is worse when siblings have separate devices, with competing volumes. The volume should be turned off.

2. Learn to have the device put away without having a meltdown.
Quietly playing with a silent device is great during part of the visit, but when I try to look at your child’s mouth and the device cannot be put down, it’s a problem. It’s what I call the Device Dance…I move up and they move the device up with me. Your child must put away the device.

3. Learn that siblings may use devices when the patient cannot.
Kids may learn to put away devices when getting examined but may not be prepared for siblings to continue using devices. Parents should make it known what is going to happen with devices during examinations. It’s not a pretty sight to watch kids learn these rules in my office.

4. Learn that every wall outlet is not theirs to use. Permission is needed.
Batteries run out of power, but rule #2 teaches that devices are not needed all the time. If a device is needed, please charge it in the car before arriving. Never, ever unplug or remove child safety caps on outlets. (…this includes parents! Put away devices with dead batteries.)

5. Learn that free wi-fi is not everywhere.
It is reasonable to ask for the wi-fi password…one time. After your children are told they cannot have the password, they need to move on to playing something on their devices. Interrupting the doctor asking why they cannot get the wi-fi code or explaining why they really, really need to use wifi… not good use doctor visit time.

I understand that there is a constant need to reinforce rules and to set clear expectations for manners and good behavior. Parenting is not easy, and screen time certainly can bring welcome relief. There is a time and place for device use, and parents need to control when that is.

Deborah M. Burton, MD is a pediatric surgeon and proud military veteran who raised two wonderful daughters but recently realized that she had become addicted to being a mother! As a new empty nester, she started a blog to share parenting reflections and tips as well as pediatric healthcare insights.