Anything Moms Can Do, Dads Can Do - Equally

In the almost two years since the inception of my blog, I’ve realized two things: 1) there are a lot of great dads out there, and 2) there are a lot of moms who seem to be threatened by that.

I write a lot of posts that come straight out of my daily life. I enjoy being a dad and take great pride in being as hands-on as the best of them. I’m not trying to impress anyone by doing what any father should be doing. If anything, I’m merely trying to impress upon the next generation of dads that being an involved father is possibly the most rewarding job a man will ever have.

I love my kids. I love spending time with them. And I certainly love the fact that my wife and I are on equal footing when it comes to our roles as parents. But for some reason, whenever I post anything about taking care of my kids on my own without any help from my wife (i.e. giving her time to herself), someone – more often than not, a mom with an axe to grind – thinks I’m looking for a pat on the head, and that irks them. Well, guess what? Their small-mindedness irks me.

Why can’t a man post his escapades with his kids without some mom trying to s*** on him for it? And, it’s always the same old, “You’re not doing anything moms haven’t been doing for thousands of years,” or “Why do you deserve a pat on the back for doing something you should be doing anyway?”

And, they’re right. I should be able to care for my kids. And you know what? I should also be able to talk about my day just like any mom blogger does, without some feminist, momzilla, or insecure ninny getting up in arms over the fact that I – barring giving birth and breastfeeding – can do everything they can do when it comes to raising a child.

And in some cases, even better.

Am I looking for attention? Damn right, I am – looking to draw attention to something that is obvious to me, but not so obvious to others.

Are you ready for it? Here goes: being a great dad/parent (to small children, anyway) is pretty easy. It requires three things:

1. The willingness to learn (be it through reading, instruction, or trial and error).
2. A confident wife/partner/mother of your child who will allow you the autonomy to parent differently than they do.
3. The willingness of ‘society at large’ (parenting magazines, the media, old school moms) to accept that gender roles do not remain stagnant, and that today’s new dads are interchangeable with their mom counterparts.

I’m not trying to take anything away from moms.

I’m a big supporter of single moms, stay-at-home moms, working moms, etc. I’m just trying to build up dads. And in doing so, I hope I’m setting an example that shows involved dads as valuable assets in the parenting equation, like so many of my dad blogger contemporaries do.

But many don’t see it that way.

There are still those who see dads as secondary caregivers who should be given orders and not trusted to care for their own children. There are those who still want to believe that moms are superior when it comes to childrearing. There are those who see caring, competent dads as a threat to the centuries of propaganda that say moms are ‘better wired’ to handle anything in the domestic domain.

From where I stand, that is BS. It’s brainwashing. It’s backwards. Especially when the world should be moving forward.

For the record, I post what I post because I like talking about spending time with my kids. I like talking about being a dad – a better one than my own father. And I like writing about my experiences, so I can share them with other dads, moms, grandparents, and non-parents; so basically anyone who wants to listen.

I like talking about parenting. I like learning about it from those who have gone before me. And I like sharing what I know with those who are just starting out.

I don’t need a pat on the head for doing what I do, because I’m going to do it, regardless.

I do it for my kids, and if people like that, it’s just a bonus. If you don’t, you have to ask yourself why. Because if I’m a threat to you, there’s something wrong with the way you look at what I represent.

I’m just a parent doing what comes naturally.

I’m just a dad who doesn’t need a mom to show me the way. My wife and I share everything equally. We are equal in all things parenting, and that’s the way we like it. I’m sorry if that upsets you, but when I’m dressing my daughter in the morning, doing the midnight and 4 a.m. feedings for my son, changing diapers, cleaning up puke, cooking, cleaning, or coming home from work and giving my kids a bath and reading them bedtime stories, I am not thinking about you – I am thinking about them and the memories we’re creating together.

_ I’m a New Dad, and I do what I do for my kids, not the notoriety._

Maybe that doesn’t impress you, but it sure got your attention. And just maybe it will get the attention of a guy who is about to have his first child, and give him the courage he needs to be the best dad he can be. That works for me, even if it doesn’t seem to sit well with you.

Dads matter.

Let’s support good ones, and not tear them down for trying.

The father of two young children and an advocate for the “New Dad,”" Adam Dolgin is the founder/creator of "Fodder 4 Fathers – a movement that champions today’s involved fathers. Since the inception of his blog in December 2010, he has quickly become an outspoken voice against anybody who would treat a caring dad as a ""secondary"" caregiver.